My new bf lives 100's of miles away.....help!!!!

[steph1974]

I live in Stoke on Trent and he lives in Camberley,neither of us have a car at the moment,but he came up yesterday,have been talking to him on computer(yep,met him on the internet!!!)for 8 months,his dad brought him up yesterday but only cos he had to go to Manchester,anyway i met him for the first time and i expected to be a bit disappointed when i met him but it was completely the opposite,hes soooo lovely and we got on so well and like i said we've got to know eachother over the phone and over the computer,and we are so well matched,but he lives so far away and i cant see anyway of getting round it,if he got a train he'd have to change 3 times before he got to Stoke,anyway was just wondering if anyone thought i should leave it and admit defeat or keep trying to sort someat out,sorry if its boring,been on my mind all night and i cant concentrate on my housework!

I had a boyfriend that lived in Bradford, and i lived in Birmingham. I drove, he didn't. So i admit i did have to go to his more than he came to me, but he still made the effort about once a once. He too had 3 different trains he had to get, but it was so worth it. We split up after about a year, but nothing to do with the distance. I'm glad we made the effort as i really fell for him big time.

So my point is, if you don't make the effort, then you'll never know what might of been. You could be missing something really good if you don't...good luck x

Sorry, should be once a month

i also met my dp on the internet and he lived 200 miles away, he drove up to see me once and i was hooked so i used to catch the train which was sometimes 4 changes(and i hate trains) that was a year ago and we have now been living together for 8 months and we are getting married in oct.love always finds away so stick with it

Coaches! Great idea, beety - there you go, steph - they are a bit slow but have loads of alternative routes, he would only have to change once I should think and Stoke is one of the main stops.

National Express - cheaper than trains too!

Thanks everyone,cant believe how much my head is tw*tted,sorry!I expected him to come up and for me to think after"hes ok but easy come easy go" but he was lovely,didnt lay a hand on me sexually like,just kept playing with my hands,he was so sweet,he hasnt stopped texting me since,says he loves me already?I know he could get up here to me but i dont want to be dragging my kids all the way down there to an unfamiliar place,but hes a bit worried about getting on the train on his own,hes only young,but hes maturer than my last boyfriend who was 41 which is quite unbelievable but he has an ill dad who he has had to care for on his own so i suppose that must make you grow up somewhat,glad you all think i should give it a go,have looked at national express timetable but its 7hrs on the coach with a changeover and a 90min wait at victoria station,london which is a bit much dont you think,oh i dunno,see head completely mashed,now i remember why i prefer being on my own,less stressful...

steph1974, i was going to travel by coach and it cost more and was longer.
give the relationship a chance, when i met dp my parents and her dad looked after her so i could get used to dp on my own before i introduced him to my dd, and when they did meet she used to ask to come down with me because she loves the train.
i have a real train phobia but i used to take my cd player and a book and relax(if you can call it that)
i felt the same as you when i met dp and nearly gave up but then i realised that he made me so happy i had to give it a go and now i am almost his wife

aaah,what a happy story!Theres 12years difference between us though,worries me alot,its taken him 8 months to convince me to meet him cos it worries me so much,hes says hes not going to get fed up when hes 30 and i am 42 but i know obviously from experience that you are a completely different person from when you are 19 to when you are 30,(i am 31 at the moment)so i konw he may mean it now but alot changes in those 12 years,am so confused now its unreal!

Nice that you had a happy ending though!

there is a 15 year difference between me and dp he is 40 and i am 25

yeh but dont you think there will be more problems with me being 31 and him 19,its very young afterall,wouldnt be as bad if we met 15 years from now when he was 34 and me 46,its just that i dont think hes lived yet and that he'll want to when he gets to 30ish but he doesnt see it that way,says hes never been the type to go out and get drunk and pull,only ever had two girlfriends in his life!Gosh,the things i am gonna do to him in bed!!!

Sorry to butt in, but dp is like that. Only ever been with two women, me and his first girlfriend who he was with for 3 years. I used to think that he hadn't lived either, but he said the same. He's just not that sort of person at all. Now we are nearly married with a beautiful baby boy, and happy as a pig in...x

I really don't think you should both be discussing your relationship in ten years. Its pointless and you both wont know. Not saying that it wont work, because it has for some people. Just let nature take its cause and see what happens. Take your time.

But how can i keep a relationship going when the most i am going to be able to see him is about once a month?Hes not been gone 24hours yet and its driving me mad,i only got to see him for a few hours too,we were both gutted that he had to go as we both know its going to be weeks maybe months before we can meet again,god its just so damn depressing.

Don't know the details, but if you want something badly enough you'll make it happen. Can't you get someone to look after the kids for the day, and arrange to meet him half way?

oh steph, i really feel for you. i met my DP on the net and i lived in a different country. i decided to move to the uk to be with him. i remember the feeling well of being apart and it was awful. like a part of me was missing. we talked on the phone and internet for hours a day and it didn't help much as sometimes you want a hug or a kiss more than a chat. we now have a lovely house, a DD that means the world to us and a great life.

i am sure he feels the same as you and i bet it wont be too long before he is back.
dp only had 5 girlfriends and one was his ex wife, and he constantly worries i will get bored with the 'old man' and find someone my own age, but all his friends and even his parents have commented that he has been given a new lease of life and that they have never ever seen him this happy.
i really think you are trying to talk yourself out of how you feel but if you dont give it a go you will be left wondering what if

Try 10,000 miles away and then see how it feels

But honestly, if it's meant to be, blah blah blah. Don't panic. I agree with new mum - get someone else to look after the kids and treat it as an excuse to have plenty of dirty weekends away in hotels halfway between the two of you lol

Well how about you decide between the pair of you how often you are going to be able to meet and stick to a routine. Once a month maybe. You will then know you have to get on with other aspects of your life and still keep some of the magic of being single. It will also be very exciting when you see each other and keep the initial stages of a relationship burning. Instead of getting into the boring monotony of a serious relationship that so many people complain about and fantasise about the time when the first met. There is no rush for you to be together constantly. If after, say, 12 months of you both still feeling like this you can reconsider your plans and see where you want to go next.
If it is love and you are meant to be you will end up together. Enjoy it and enjoy still being an independant woman at the same time.

yeh i know everyones right,but i just feel so awful,cant believe how much i am missing him,feel like a flippin teenager,feel a bit daft actually,didnt think i would be bothered and i am also well shocked that i feel the way i do for a 19 year old,but he is just so mature,never met anyone like him!

hey babe, how are you coping, any plans?

I would say that you should enjoy the relationship as much as you can but there are other aspects to consider, it may be possible that you only get to see the positive side of the person as you only see him for a very few hours a week, don't get to see how does he reacts before a problem, how does he interacts with other people, how other people feel about him, etc.

Besides, the relationship becomes very expensive once you include the cost of transport, telephone calls (may I recommend www.18866.com? ), but that it's not the worst, when DH and I were dating we used to visit each other in alternate weekends, which ended up costing a fortune in flights, but the worst part was how sad was to say good bye in sunday, feel miserable on monday, less miserable on tuesday, slightly better on wednesday, expectant on Thursday, happy on friday, great on saturday and a bit sad again on Sunday... actually, I think it was far more painful than seeing each other just every three months once I moved back to America!

Fairyfly,thanks for asking!I am going to Turkey in 11 days and will be back on the 14th September so he cant really come up until after my holiday because he is going to be staying for maybe a week when he does come up,but we have agreed he is coming to stay the first saturday i get back so at least i'll be able to see a bit of what he would be like to live with!Hes got to get the train up and its really expensive from what i've seen on the british rail website so i've said i'd pay half as i cant meet him halfway but hes having none of it!

Will let everyone know how it goes!

Well i got back from Turkey on the 14th September and my fella came up on the 16th and stayed until yesterday,he had to go home otherwise he probably would have stayed longer,anyway the four days we spent together were fantastic,and so was the sex!!!

He is coming back up next week,he gets the train from Reading to Stoke,takes 3 hours and costs £49 for a return so not too bad,and he doesnt seem to mind doing it that much so hopefully things are looking up!!!

glad to hear its going so well, my sister is seeing someone who's 47 and she's 25 and they get on really well, she was worried about telling the family but we just want her to be happy! where theres a will theres a way so good luck

Things have gone a bit pear-shaped i'm afraid!I invited him up to stay for,well we sort of left it open as to when he would go back,anyway,after a week i told him he had to go.

I'm just too used to being on my own,I couldnt get used to it,was really frustrating having to clear up after someone who is capable of doing it themselves,I dont know what went wrong,I still want to see him but just would rather we see eachother for a few days once a month or something,but of course as you would expect he thinks i am going off him,hes really upset and now i feel like a complete bitch,I did it with the relationship before that too,as soon as I start seeing alot of them I seem to panic,no clue whats going on in my own head.