Is it strange to sometimes yearn for the single life?

[OrmRenewed]

I mean no DH and no DC. Just me.

Have never really lived alone apart from a few years at university and even then I was house-sharing.

I love my family and am not wishing them away. Just wanting them to live somewhere else. And not even that seriously, just idle musings. The mere idea of having my own space, my own music to listen to and art on the walls, only books I like on my bookshelves, answering to no-one, eating peanut butter without being treated like a leper . I've done domestic and family for years and there are times when it just feels claustrophobic

The more I think about the more appealing it seems. Is that odd?

I have never lived alone either. Or even in a flat/house share.

Went from parents into my house which xh moved into with me. Then had kids & split with xh but lived with kids. Then dh moved in with us.

I am totally happy in my own company. always have been. long for it. and in the past have had lots of my own company. made this happen because i longed for it. at the same time, i am not a recluse. i am a very social person. long for and crave intimacy. am a very social person. like parties and all social situations.
so sometimes i don't get why i crave my own company so much.

I miss the absense of loaded huffs too - and the 'where are you going?' each time you want to go to the toilet / just wander around. I feel so constrained sometimes. It gets to me a lot actually and sometimes I feel like I want to explode!

I lived alone for a year and loved it: uninterrupted day dreams, simple chicken sandwich for tea, pots of herbal tea along with hours of radio 4. Bliss! Think I'm quite a selfish, insular person at heart

I'm another one who went straight from living with parents to living with DH and then DD1 who came along a few months later... Never lived alone except for a memorable 2 weeks when I was 18

I often think I'd like to be on my own, going out without saying where I'm going or when I'll be back, making whatever I want for tea, wearing what I want, watching what I want on TV, reading books without being asked a million daft questions... Just not having to answer to anyone.

I'm planning a second youth for when I'm about 45 and the DDs are independent

Perfectly normal to fantasise!
I've never been really alone, except when ex went to prison for a while.

My Dsis used to fantasise about having my life when she was on her own though, with lots of children etc.

You always want what you can't have.

DH and I often talk about it, although we love our family.
Imagine the lie-ins, the trips abroad, the disposable income...
Sigh.

I do. I'm doing up a buy-to-let in the city at the moment (I live in the sticks) and in idle moments I fantasize about being able to afford not to rent it out but keep it as a little bolt-hole to escape to. I don't know if any of you have seen the second Sex & the City movie, but the idea of her keeping her old apartment as a hideaway had me nauseous with envy.

I love my own company. Always have. When DH and I were first together and again when we were stickied over with little children, I managed to subdue the urge. Otherwise I go for long walks on my own or go running. But the idea of living alone all the time is so exhilirating.

But I don't want to be without my family.

Perverse.

scouser, I'm planning a second youth as well, once the DC's are grown up and left home. In fact I'm planning on doing another 'gap year' and travelling around the world for a year. Can't wait!

I am single and live on my own. I love my own company.
Yes, its great - lie-ins, blasting my music, eating what I want, decor of my choice, too many shoes and handbags, etc.
But I have nobody right there to share the good times with and nobody to hug me when things aren't so good.
Think this thread is a classic case of the grass being greener.....?

I lived on my own for almost five years. I had far more ups and downs during that period than any other in my life. Having to cope and pay for everything on your own is quite tough. There were times when my life was a social whirl and other times when I literally didn't go out for three weekends on the trot because friends and family were busy or away. It was either feast or famine any my sister calling me Bridget Jones wasn't great for the self esteem!

I think it's a bit of a case of grass being greener for most people. Even though I'm an introvert I'm far happier living with DH.

It's not strange at all - I often daydream about having a house to myself, being able to keep it tidy (both dh and ds are messy creatures), and being able to organise my own time without being accountable to anyone.

One of the times I was happiest was when I had my own house, was in a relationship with dh (before we were married) but he also had his own house. So I had company some of the time, but also my own space etc.

Actually I'm quite enjoying this week, as dh is away, so I only have ds (aged 9) to look after. He is pretty easy-going and we are enjoying it so far. Wouldn't have been so easy when he was a toddler though!

I had a great bachelor life, but it consisted of parties, drinking, 'trapping' and almost non-stop sport/fun etc (when I wasn't working, that is....)

Now I'm married with a baby, I wish I'd spent more time just enjoying the chance to kick back and lie on the sofa and do not much of anything. I guess it wasn't what I was into at the time, though.....

I don't think you're alone in your occasional yearning for the single life. I wouldn't swap my family for anything, but I sometimes wish it was just me.......

not strange. i do it too.

Yay to another gap year! I never had a first gap year actually, I sort of wanted to but didn't because my mum said it might be a bit too dangerous and expensive

I sometimes wish I could time travel and give my teenage self a kick up the arse, there's so much I should have done before getting married!

Wouldn't ever be without the DDs though.

I wouldn't want it all the time. Maybe two months or so a year

The writer Mike Bullen, creator of "Cold Feet", asked his wife for a six-month "sabbatical" from their marriage so he could have precisely this kind of "me time." She didn't buy it - she said "sling yer hook, mate!"

Unquietdad, I have been contemplating asking DH for a 'sabbatical' from 'us' although I don't know if I would ever actually ask him in RL. I did mention it once jokingly to him, and he seemed a bit not surprisingly. But I don't want to be free and single to meet other men, I just want to travel and go where I want, when I want. I hope if I do ever ask DH for such a thing, he doesn't tell me to 'sling my hook!' I said to DH that if we are going to be happy together for the next 40 years then we need to allow each other some space and freedom to live our dreams, otherwise I think we'll both end up miserable. None of this is about not loving DH and wanting another man, it's just about wanting to be 'me' for a bit and putting away my 'wife' and 'mother' hats for a while.

Tipsy - nothing wrong with that, as long as he is accorded the same thing if and when he wants it...!

It's difficult in practical terms, though. If one of you goes off travelling, the other has to take care of all the finances and the childcare, school run, etc. Basically live the life of a single parent for a few months, or however long you do it for.

And it's a pretty difficult thing to explain to family, friends and neighbours without them going a bit over it.

Unquietdad, sorry should have mentioned that I meant I would take my sabbatical once the DC's are older and doing their own thing. Right now it would be impossible as they are only 6 and 4 and I couldn't leave them even if DH agreed! But once they have left home or are at uni or something, then I definately like the idea of going off travelling on my own for a few months. But....am not sure about DH doing the same thing! I'm not after trying to meet another man, and can probably resist any temptations that may come my way whilst I am travelling , but would DH be able to do the same? I am not so sure, he is a mere man after all!

Oh, no - no no no. That won't do at all. Sauce, goose, gander etc.!!

Unquietdad, I am sorry but we live in an unfair and unequal world and women are disadvantaged in so many ways, that i think DH not being able to go off travelling alone like me is a small price to pay given all the other advantages he has by virtue of being male!

I hope you are joking Tipsy!!

Oh,. just found this thread and I'm glad I have.

Dh and I have a major difference: I wouldn't be scared of living on my own, and he would hate it more than anything else. Sometimes I wonder if dh is only with me because he'd rather not be alone...

The other night while out with friends I said that I would rather be alone than in a marriage that was making me unhappy and our group was divided between those who agreed and those (the majority) who said that they would rather put up with a shit marriage than be alone.

I was beginning to think I was an anti social old hag... but in to put a romantic spin on it I am a bit of a free spirit. I often joke that I was a cat in my past life because I am very independent and like to be able to come and go as I please.

My favourite hours are also before anyone wakes, but dd1 is an early riser. Like another poster has said, I detest being woken in the mornings.

The Daily Telegraph does those 'Social Stereotypes' books, and one of my favourite is the single career woman whose weekends consist of breakfast at the Wolseley followed by rampant consumerism on Bond Street, the day ending by blissfully stretching out in cashmere pyjamas, alone. No snoring partner with tufts of hair poking out of his ears for her.

One of the hardest things about having children for me was the loss of freedom and personal space. Even now the children are a bit older and able to entertain themselves for reasonable stretches of time my tipping point is when the children 'bother me' too much and don't allow me to have some 'quiet time'. I never realised quite how solitary I liked to be until I had the children and it is one of the major factors that is preventing me from having a third.