Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Too stressed for sex

15 replies

LaDiDaDi · 26/07/2010 08:17

What can I do about this??

I love and fancy dp, often think "Oooh yes I'd like to have sex" BUT when it comes down to it I find it too hard to relax. I feel like a million thoughts/images are flashing through my mind and I can't relax enough to get into sex. It's totally a mental thing, sometimes the physical niceness of the sensations will sort of win through iyswim and I will start to get into it and can then reach climax but other times I just get into a vicious cycle of thinking "Oh dear I'm not relaxed, can't stop thinking these random other thoughts, can't relax etc etc"

Dp understands to some extent, he's certainly not putting pressure on me to have sex, but I think he struggles with why I can seem "up for it" and then not actually manage to get very aroused.

I'm not sure what to do to help.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 26/07/2010 08:20

Maybe you should deal with your stress? Can you go for a swim/have a bath/sit down with a nice book in order to empty your head and relax your body?

Northernlurker · 26/07/2010 08:22

You need to go away for a couple of nights. I assume you have children in the house with you? Plus of course all the chores, work stuff, books and films you'd like to watch. You need to go away to a hotel with some nice food somebody else cooks, a nice view or two and a bed and maybe a lovely big bath you can share.
Failing that - send the kids to granparents for a couple of nights. We've just done that....

Original poster
LaDiDaDi · 26/07/2010 08:42

Yes we have kids in the house, we've had them at gps overnight twice since ds was born andit has been better but still not felt really relaxed though I do think having the dc around makes it worse. I remember feeling a bit like this after having dd but it didn't last as long (ds is now 7 months).

OP posts:
iskra · 26/07/2010 15:54

Oh my god, me too! I feel like when we have sex is the first time I've stopped all day & my head just fills up with everything else. have been wondering whether I need to take up meditation or something! My dd is 2 years...

coventgarden · 26/07/2010 15:56

Sometimes I am thinking of some random shopping I need. I wouldn't care but I love shagging sexy dh and want to be 100% into it but I think when you are a mum you sometimes lose that ability to be fully selfish.

Original poster
LaDiDaDi · 26/07/2010 17:01

I wonder if it's being on mat leave that's making it worse. I'm in the house much more, obviously, but as all of my stresses are now home centred iyswim then I have no actual place to relax/put worries to one side?

OP posts:
coventgarden · 26/07/2010 17:49

I totally get that. DH wants to go out at the weekend as he has been at work all week. I have to go out twice every day and just want to hang out at home on the weekend.

Isn't really what you meant but I am sure you get what I meant .[shakes head at self]

LadySanders · 26/07/2010 17:53

yup, i sympathise. round about lunchtime i'm well up for it, which is great on the days dh works from home and little ones having a nap, but evenings rather stressy with 3 dc.

i try to do the yoga 'mindfulness' thing, where you just try to focus really hard on THE MOMENT, ie what you can feel taste smell, and keep putting everything else out of your mind... it works sometimes

vintagewarrior · 26/07/2010 18:01

I remembered I hadn't paid the congestion charge during sex recently, dp not impressed!! But it was the first time my brain had time to think about stuff all day. I find a massage first with chillout tunes ( with no singing) helps clear my brain, and after 5 mins I'm usually gagging to get started!!!

LimaCharlie · 26/07/2010 18:06

Maybe set aside half an hour to unwind / relax / write down anything that is worrying you and then put it to one side before you get intimate?

I know when I was working f/t sometimes the first time I got any time to myself was when I got into bed having had work / DCs / bathtime / homework etc etc etc taking up the howle day - selfishily the last thing I wanted to do was have sex.

I also found that if DH helped out more, and made me feel less like a drudge and gave me more me time then I felt less like everyones skivvy and more like a woman and therefore more up for it

riojaguzzler · 26/07/2010 18:19

I sympathise with you- DH is in a similar situation. He has a very stressful job, works long hours and just can't get interested in sex! I don't really have any advice other than talk to someone about it- you'll only end up stressing about being too stressed for sex and then it's a downward spiral!! Talk to your GP!!

Sorry- hope this isn't too negative?!
Good luck!! x

Original poster
LaDiDaDi · 26/07/2010 18:26

At least I'm not the only one!

Will try the mindfulness thing and doing something to relax before thinking of getting jiggy. Hope it works!

OP posts:
verycherry · 27/07/2010 08:14

Hi, no advice but my ds is also 7 months and I feel exactly the same if not worse. I seem to have completely all desire, not helped by lack of sleep though.

verycherry · 27/07/2010 08:18

Lost ALL desire!

lollyshmollypop · 27/07/2010 14:08

mY DS is 17 mo and we ve had sex probably 5 -6 times in that time.....same thing really: he is good looking sexy looking guy (my DH) and in THEORY i'd like it, I even have dreams, but by the end of the day I have no interest, just thinking ( through the sex) i WANNA GO TO SLEEP like RIGHT NOW!!!!!! Had to do maitenence though to keep him happy lucky me he is not that desperate

New posts on this thread. Refresh page