Argh, trying to distance from NPD friend and they are not letting go!

[CheerfulV]

Help, please! I have stopped looking at their facebook and have not replied to their last few 'sending you hugs!' hippy messages, am convinced this person is NPD and just don't really want them in my life anymore but without causing a scene. There's a chance I may have to see them a few times a year at camping events and so want to stay polite but distant.

Unfortunately, he has sensed my pulling away and is really ramping up the pressure. Narcissistic supply heading off into the sunset and is not happy etc. He just phoned me and has only done so ONCE in the three years I have known him, we just don't do phoning. I made an excuse about putting DS to bed and he has said he will call back around 9pm. Have turned ringer off and switched off mobile. I just DO NOT want to engage with this person at all, and the way he is getting more and more persistent is freaking me out frankly and just gives me the creeps.

Is it cowardly to turn of my phone ringer, should I email him to say I won't be around later after all or WHAT?? He is doing my head in now, I have seen through this person all at once and want nothing to do with them, wish he would just piss of TBH but don't feel able to say that for various reasons.

NPD-experienced MNers, please talk to me. Strangely, his call has rattled me a lot and I am feeling quite invaded by his persistence Really caught me off guard as well, I wasn't expecting it.

I dont know anything about NPD (I dont even know what it means lol) but I do know that if one of my friends suddenly stopped contact it would upset and worry me and I would be ringing them or popping round to find out what the problem was.

Maybe it's just that?

They are persistent buggers. I have this problem too and no real advice. I deal with my current one by only replying to about one in three or four phone calls or texts and keeping encounters as brief as possible. I pile on the insincere flattery as much as I can stomach when I do have to talk to them. I think the only way you can get them out of your life is by consistently blanking them (will take a long time for them to give up though) or letting them know outright you have seen through them (sends them into a rage though and not an option with your 'friend'). I am sure others will have better advice.

Thanks The phone is staying off, maybe that will be enough to get the message across and he will give up. I think it's also partly that he wants some important recent inside gossip from a group of people I know/am connected with that he has been excluded from because of his previous arrogant and arsy behaviour, so no doubt he will be keen to pick my brains for whatever I know, and then spend ages slagging them off. In a 'spiritual' way, of course

I'm just pissed off at him, because his sudden appearance in my evening has changed the whole mood. Like an old workmate phoning you up out the blue, argh - I can't explain it. I just find it quite strange when people suddenly change the way they relate to you, and I think I'm a very private person so it's weird him calling me up now.

I know exactly what you mean here and am afraid that there is no KIND way of putting a stop to this. Only way is to say that you find their persistence intolerable, almost stalkerish and will not be returning any more calls. Is there anyone else around (DP, BF, DB, Parent who could take the call and tell him to 'leave Cheerful alone'.

Another tactic is to explain that he obviously wants more from this friendship than you do, that you do not have a vacancy for a close friend and he should therefore look elsewhere.

What's NPD??

narcissistic personality disorder?

Yuck - they are creepy. I'm not sure I'd bother trying to stay on good terms for the sake of a few camping trips a year myself (I am only civil to my narc 'friend' as we work in the same field). Can you just start blanking him completely? If you do, be prepared for an 'extinction burst' where his attempts to contact you escalate ( you are ready seeing the start of this) but if you sit this out they should eventually drop off.

Can you text to say 'got to pop out, not able to talk this evening'. then just not be available any other time.

Good advice fpt.

Yes, FPT, that would have been good - except he knows I am a single parent and stuck in alone with DS in bed..
I think the blanking will have to start now, and I'll just ride it out. It's not going to be pretty once he realizes that I'm rejecting him.