The Gender Stereotyping of Wanking Rights in General (...and the misunderstandings caused thereof)

[JustAnuthaMutha]

I need to talk this over but don't know where to start x100

We have different views/understanding.
It's pissing me (us?) off.

How do we resolve this before it becomes a festering pustule on the arse of our relationship?

What on earth is this blue balls myth?

One of the best titles I've ever read on here.
But I don't have any advice, sorry.

Blue balls is bollocks.

I think you don't have a problem with wanking, more his behavious but I can see that it would be easy for him to contrue that it's the wanking you have an issue with.

You should both be able to wank when you like, though if he is regularly choosing his hand over you, then it needs discussing.

I think you should not have had to get rid of your toys - you should have been able to use them together. I think add the toys issue to the issues he seems to have with the female orgasm and I think maybe there is something going on in his head - some sort of issue.

Wanking is easier when tired. No foreplay to worry about.

Can be a problem when:

1)wankee is doing it cos he/she is dissatisfied. For me wanking is a distant second to the real thing!

2)wankee prefers wanking vs sex with DP

3)DP sees it as a form of unfaithfulness or is in some way offended or insecure about DP doing this.

Not sure whether blue balls is a myth. I have had the most awful pain on a few occasions when I have been really (like really) ready to go and then I am told that it isn't going to happen for xyz reason....that can really hurt. Not always but a few times it has and it is no fun. That is what we called blue balls when I was a teenager. Never had anything to do with pressure on girls.

I've said this on other threads about wanking but basically, men are lazy feckers

I truly believe that if they get to come without having to:

a) Do foreplay
b) Think about what the woman wants
c) Make it last longer than 2 minutes
d) Go to the bathroom and get post coital clean up tissues

They feel pleased with themselves.

When women wank however, men think its a sign that we are not sexually satisfied and it then means they are doing something wrong and so they get all panicky and stress about their manhood

I think its just the conditioning of society...men are seen to be in need of sex whereas women are not..its only since the 60's that women's sexuality has started coming (!!) to the fore

JimmyChoos, all your posts seem to revolve around generalisations that men are lazy or selfish. A lot of men have no problem with their partners wanking. Sometimes it's just more convenient. I think you immediately jump on the attack towards men and I'm not convinced that it's a healthy or sensible approach, especially when it forms advice to others.

Ahh but MrLee - look at any number of threads here on Mnet on any given night and you will see the posts detailing the varied behaviour of the male sex...and quite frankly, the majority of it does not bode well and leads to the generalisation that men are lazy and selfish feckers

It is a generalisation...like men make of us women when are are moody 'oh, it must be the old PMT and she needs chocolate'

I make no apologies for it

But if this was Dadsnet, there would be equally lurid tales of female behaviour, from which you could probably draw the conclusion that all women are psycho bitches! But generalisation doesn't solve individual problems. And sometimes, just sometimes, the women who complain on these forums ARE in the wrong. It's why there's a whole unreasonable? thread. Sometimes the answer is yes. And sometimes no.

Can I also remind you that PMT works both ways! There are occasions when I have been snapped at for no reason and my wife has put it down to hormones and PMT, using it as a get out of jail free card.

PMT is no joke though...we need to have a get out of jail free card

Like you men with your blue balls...

I'll paint them whatever colour I like.

On a serious point, wanking helps me sleep and after a 12 hour shift it's easier and faster and requires much less effort. My wife knows and understands that. People need to talk more.

Ah ha!

Less effort?
Easier?
Faster?

I rest my case m'lud!

But only after a 12 hour shift when my body is nearly dead. Any other time it's service as normal.

Well, obviously not quite nearly dead MrLee

Fake it, darling!
If he is choosing to wank instead of having a quickie with you because he thinks you won't enjoy it, show him you do enjoy it! Men want to believe in their sexual power, so can't tell if you are faking or not.

Quickie, you on top:
less effort
easier
faster
happy (if not entirely satisfied) wife

Totally against faking it. The man is an adult and if he doesn't believe his partner when she says, sex with you without an orgasm is enjoyable as it makes me feel closer to you, it's not a good sign. If you're faking it then you are lying and lies cause stress and resentment.

As for "blue balls" being a myth, apparently not as far as pain goes, although the blue bit probably is...but according to Discovery Health, women get it too..."Men are not alone in experiencing the discomfort of unrelieved vasocongestion. Women's genitals also become engorged with blood during sexual arousal and, like their male counterparts, women can experience pelvic heaviness and aching if they do not reach orgasm." No excuse for a man to pressurise a woman though because of it, he can sort himself out if a woman wants to stop...but that's not the case here. Whereas, it would seem that, if the OP was happy with a quickie and finishing herself of manually, her partner would be too much of a delicate, sensitive flower to be able to handle that.

OK so I get that after a 12 hour shift, a wank is easier than a shag.

But what about fellatio? Is that too much effort to endure?

I am a woman and if my husband was to tired to make me orgasm I would just have a wank. When we have sex either we both orgasm or neither of us. Dont really see the problem with that.

I would never fake it surely any man older than a teenager would be able to tell? Bring your toys to bed with you or start sex with 69

Also just read back about him thinking a quickie isnt fair. I dont understand why you couldnt orgasm during a quickie? Just use your toys at the same time.

wanking is shite. I only learnt to wank after 10 years of marriage

This all sounds like some mutual Mastabation Jealousy going on here.

Maybe you need to consult a professional sex therapist if you can't deal with it between you.

OP you could try faking an orgasam to 'save his blushes'

We talked.

It's a 'power wank' thing. He thought us both getting turned on, then him nipping off for a wank would a) prolong and heighten anticipation for me, for later on and b) enable him to last longer.

We've discussed other things surrounding this and though he still has a 'block' where toys are concerned, we seem to have come to more understanding generally.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and suggestions.