Should I give up on mummys boy?

[SparklePrincess]

Ok. I split from my ex almost 3 years ago. Went online some months after & met up with a man who made me laugh, said he loved me & got on well with the kids. Said he wanted to marry me have kids etc etc until I got divorced & it was actually possible. Since then he's used every excuse under the sun to avoid moving in with me. on paper im quite a good catch. good looking, own home, whereas he is overweight, has bad teeth, has never moved out from his mum's house at almost 32. Despite this we got on really well. He supported me during my mothers death recently for the actual death, then the funeral. However since then he chooses to go home to mummy of an evening rather than support me. I appreciate his work is 2 hours away, but if he got his motorbike up & running it would be down to 1 hour. In his mind i am asking him to give up "everything" to move in with me. In reality i struggle to see that he as ANYTHING to give up & should be ripping my arm off for the opportunity. I really cannot understand him. When we are together its lovely, & i believe he loves me in his own way, its just breaking those ties thats the issue. I want a man that wants ME!! I cannot see his issues. Anyway, things come to a head recently after my mother died & i realised life is too short to waste on someone who will not commit. Weve been together almost 2 years & i want him with us, but I cannot wait forever, can i? Any ideas girls?

So, he's an overweight mummy's boy with bad teeth. And you want him... why?

Does his mum have health problems or anything like that? I have a male friends who loves his girlf but will not leave his mum as she can get very I'll?

Grasping at straws maybe?

Umm no you can't wait forever but are you positive he's the right man for you? You didn't paint a very flattering picture!

I think you need to be quite clear that you don't want a long distance/occasional get-together relationship, & if that's what he's offering, you aren't interested.

He sees moving in with you as 'giving up everything'? What he means is, he gets to play at having a girlfriend on his terms, when it suits him, & then he gets to put you back in your box & run home to mummy. Does she, by any chance, spoil him absolutely rotten?

I married a 'mummy's boy' I met online. He worried a bit about whether his mum would cope without him (which was as my lovely MIL is tough as old boots bless her...), but there was no question that he saw moving in with me as a Good Thing from his/our POV.

I'm sorry to say this, but think you're absolutely spot on about life being too short to wait/waste for this chap...

How have you stayed with him for 2 years?!

"I cannot see his issues"

Or do you really mean you don't really want to see what is in front of you here - a mummys boy who will always put her (or any woman for that matter) before anyone else. He's happy as he is and does not want to change that for you.

What are you getting out of this relationship - are you really trying to rescue and or save this man deep down?.

I would also ask why have you stayed for 2 years.

You sound like you pity rather than love/respect him and that you are doing him a big favour by rescuing him from his sad pathtic life ;)- but you also shag him

His mum on the other hand adores him - cooks for him - makes him feel wanted and appreciated - but she doesn't shag him

no brainer ;)

Thanks. Things came to a head. He was finally honest that he is not prepared to move in with me & have a ready made family. A complete contradiction to before. I wish he'd told me that 2 years ago. Back to square one.

Aww sparkle its horrible for things to come to an end. Im sorry.

Think about it though....a man who can't even live on his own and run his own flat / house / bedsit and do the basic things for himself like cook and clean (cause I BET he doesnt do that at his mums house) and generally be responsible of a houshold is probably not going to be much cop around a busy house with children. Not surprised he doesn't feel 'ready'...on the one hand cushy with mamma and on the other having to be the man of the house and a possible step-parental type role to the child(ren). Do you think he would in any way be able to step up to a busy family environment where he has to work hard and be a grown up?

Not sure how many kids you have now but you have probably just narrowly avoided adding another one to your brood...a 32 year old one.

Seems to me like you might have saved yourself some future hassle and a lot of work tryig to shift him into a 'fend for himself' type peron..let alone helping you fend for yoursevles as a couple OR the kid(s).

Congratulate yourself on a lucky escape.

on paper im quite a good catch. good looking, own home, whereas he is overweight, has bad teeth, has never moved out from his mum's house at almost 32. Despite this we got on really well. He supported me during my mothers death recently for the actual death, then the funeral. However since then he chooses to go home to mummy of an evening rather than support me.

Perhaps you should look for someone you respect, and whose life you can add to as well as who enriches yours. Because the above quote sounds utterly contemptuous of him, and as if you just wanted him to move in for your convenience - after all, he should be grateful he had you, right?

I'm honestly not surprised he didn't want to move in with you, I have to be honest. It doesn't sound like it would have worked for either of you.

Thanks Elmtree1Ems. you are probably right, it still hurts though as I love him & want to be with him.

To those who were rude. My posting was meant to show things as others see them, not me. Of course love him just the way he is or I wouldnt of been with him or wanted him to move in would I?

erm, do you actually fancy this minger ???

sorry...but you need to run away, very fast

You have both had a lucky escape, by the sound of it. You, because you would have ended up skivvying around after him and resenting him for it, him because he would have resented the constant little digs at his appearance and the underlying 'Be grateful that I have agreed to be your partner' atmosphere your posts give off.

Why not give yourself a bit of time to enjoy being single? Having a partner is not compulsory, and anyone who is frenziedly trying to force a commitment out of a potential partner who's either no prize at all or simply resistant to the idea and quite open about it, is someone who hasn't learnt to like their own company yet and is therefore not really suited to a couple-realtionship either.

Its nice that he was supportive when your mum died. Sounds like he needs time to think, or he wants to live with his mum forever.

Go out more as much as you can, go back online, start dating others. Enjoy your life

My posting was meant to show things as others see them, not me

I assume that others see my partner the way I do; as a kind, generous, talented, hardworking conscientious man with excellent cehekbones. It would never, ever occur to me to describe him the way you did yours or to wonder whether others would regard him or I as more of a catch.

And you're missing my other point; the quote not only compared him to you unfavourably, but seemed to suggest that his value to you was entirely as "support".