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Original poster

damn - i knew this would happen - not just casual.

27 replies

justfruitshootme · 22/07/2010 13:22

had a ' casual' thing with this guy.
which i was happy about as i didnt want to be emotionally attached to anyone.

And thats exacally whats happening, i didnt hear from him all day yesterday, then every text/phone call i got, i was annoyed that he hadnt contacted me, then pleased as punch when he called me later in the evening.

Damn.

we are seeing each other sat, and im all excited about it.

Damn

hes been leaving criptic clues on his facebook clearing hinting at something going on in his personal life. _ which makes me smile.

Damn

I knew this would happen if he kept constantly contacting me, and we were seeing each other several times a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
justfruitshootme · 22/07/2010 13:24

and i dont know if im being a fool, as this is casual and im doing the silly female thing of falling for him when i shouldnt do.

or if he does want more and is waiting for me to sat something.

But i dont want to say something and ruin the fun im having now.

OP posts:
msboogie · 22/07/2010 13:30

just go with the flow! you can fall for him a leetle bit - just don't start eyeing up engagment rings!

what's the point in seeing someone if you don't get excited about seeing them or look forward to hearing from them?

Original poster
justfruitshootme · 22/07/2010 13:35

lol - im not. Its just i thought i could keep it just sex, but will all the daily contact, seeing each other few times a week, its just becoming more. Which i knew it would.
He stayed over last weekend, then i saw him monday afternoon. and am seeing him friday. and saturday.

and he called me last night all sleepy.

damn.

not so much an ice queen afterall.

OP posts:
Original poster
justfruitshootme · 22/07/2010 13:36

msboogie - its just that he said ' something casual' which was about 6 weeks ago now.

so really, i shouldnt be falling for him a little bit. i shouldnt be falling for him at all. thats not the deal with ' something casual'

OP posts:
ItsGraceActually · 22/07/2010 13:39

Tell him! Ask his advice, not ours

Original poster
justfruitshootme · 22/07/2010 13:45

nnnooooooo - i cant.
else ive broken the ' casual ' rules.

how can i kind of let him know - without actually saying - that i do actually like him.

and might actually not want to be casual afterall.

OP posts:
ItsGraceActually · 22/07/2010 13:52

Well, you're allowed to set rules as well as him, you know! IME forcing yourself to stay 'casual' once your emotions have got themselves involved (dammit!) only leads to misery & second-guessing. Plus over-eating, if you're anything like me ...

skidoodly · 22/07/2010 13:55

Well said ItsGrace

Why are you letting him set the rules?

He said it was casual, now that's not working for you, so change the rules.

Original poster
justfruitshootme · 22/07/2010 14:01

im not letting him set the rules. I didnt want anything more - i was/am scared of anything more - hence casual being more than fine.

We havent spoken about it at all since it was first mentioned, about 6 weeks ago.

I dont think after 6 weeks it would be right to start a ' where is this going' type conversation, that would freak me out too. but i would kind of like to let him know , that i do actually like him, and am open to not just casual. but without having to actually say that.

OP posts:
msboogie · 22/07/2010 14:30

well say nothing then and carry on for a bit until he says something...

cumbria81 · 22/07/2010 14:49

I could have written your post word for word!

No advice..but, good luck!

atswimtwolengths · 22/07/2010 15:12

Is he the sort of man you would want to be serious about, if you were looking for a relationship?

If you want him to want more than a casual relationship, then hold back a little. Don't mention relationships at all.

Rollergirl1 · 22/07/2010 15:56

I would hazard a guess that the fact that he is regularly contacting you, and at times when it's clear that he's not just after sex, that he sees it as more than a casual thing now too. If he was seeing it just as casual sex then you would probably only hear from him in the instances that he fancied a shag. This sounds like more and you sound equally in to each other. In my opinion.

I wouldn't worry about quantifying it right now, and as someone else said, just enjoy yourself.

All relationships start somewhere and it sounds like yours is progressing quite nicely.

SolidGoldBrass · 22/07/2010 16:03

Bear in mind that for some people 'casual' means 'not sexually exclusive'. If this is a big deal to you, you may want to find out what his views are on the matter (though do bear in mind that if he is seeing/shaggin other people at present he is NOT betraying you or being 'unfaithful' as he has not at any point offered you a monogamous relationship).
THough some people have a very odd idea of a casual relationship as some sort of mixutre of infrequent sex and treating the other person with disdain. It's generally a good idea to quite like the person you have sex with, but you don't have to want to set up home with him/her.

Original poster
justfruitshootme · 22/07/2010 16:15

oh - its def sexually exclusive. He has said that, also about us both being screened with a view to ditching the condoms ( if i so wished)

Hes very nice to me, he asks about my child, my pets, work, family etc.. He is very much a 'nice guy type' and not something ive experienced much of before, and i would def be interested in a relationship.....

i think i should just say nothing at the momment, its kind of going nicely on its own.

OP posts:
flimflammum · 22/07/2010 16:25

I would say something light-hearted and jokey like 'It's not quite so casual any more, between us, is it?' and laugh. See what he says. But don't worry. If you're starting to have feelings for him then that's just a sign that you're a human being.

QueeferSutherland · 22/07/2010 17:00

Oh yes, I know this kind of casual.

coventgarden · 22/07/2010 17:05

You have options -

carry on as you are and wait for him to say something.

talk to him about how you are really liking him and when he meant casual what exactly did he mean.

propose he moves in .

you don't have to wait for him to say about how things are, chances are he will carry on as things are indefinitely.

Original poster
justfruitshootme · 22/07/2010 17:59

oh i dont want him to move in.

and im not entirely sure i want a full on boyfriend either.

but.. i dont know, im def getting feelings for him.

damn it

OP posts:
coventgarden · 22/07/2010 18:01

How would you feel if he finished things with you?

Original poster
justfruitshootme · 22/07/2010 18:04

erm. probably more upset that id like to think id be.

OP posts:
coventgarden · 22/07/2010 18:08

Just tell him how you feel. If he feels the same, happy days, if he doesn't then you can rethink your relationship.

commeuneimage · 22/07/2010 18:27

I wouldn't have a deep and meaningful conversation about it. He sounds pretty keen too. You can't stop yourself developing feelings for him - just go with the flow. You don't have to set rules for yourself, surely? Take it day by day.

SolidGoldBrass · 22/07/2010 20:05

Yes, just enjoy what is happening, for the moment. You don't have to label and formalise everything.

QueenofWhatever · 22/07/2010 20:36

He likes you. That condom thing - he's obliquely asking for a signal that you want more. Sounds lovely, quite jealous.