have potentially unrequited love for best friend. do i tell?

[blushingsinglefriend]

Even though I have changed name, it still took me 15 minutes to write the title!

I don't want to give too much away, as I am slightly uncomfortable with 'resorting' to MN for advice (no offence!)I'm a not-too-well-known-regular-ish. I have a wonderful single male friend, I'm single, with children and absolutely terrified that I might cock up the friendship by stepping over a line. I don't want to hurt him, embarrass myself, be rejected ( I have a big thing about rejection..)but I am going slightly dotty with 'what-if's' at the moment. we're close, hold hands in public, cuddle etc, but he's fairly unconcerned about sex (and, yes, admittedly, that might just mean sex with me...)

Have any of you started a romantic relationship with your DPs based on a platonic friendship. were giant amounts of alcohol involved? did you declare all only to have the subject changed? were there any 'signs' that led you to think, 'shave legs, nice pants tonight?'

I apologise to you, I feel a little uncomfortable with this, I'll loosen up and give more detail (hopefully) as we progress. Not just nice stories and happy endings please (although I'd love some of those, I'm clearly a romantic soul!) but tell it like it is. I'm a big girl, I can take it! Am i clutching at straws? Should I leave things as is?

how do you mean he is "fairly unconcerned about sex?"

Do you mean you have talked about it? Or that he hasn't tried it on?

If you hold hands and cuddle then it's a bit more than platonic, surely?

He may be worrying about cocking up the friendship too . . .

we're both celibate. him longer than me - i'm a lot more sexually experienced than him - we've talked about it - he's not virginal, but - it's been a while. Sometimes i think you get into a trench if you're not doing 'it'...so yes, we talk about it - or we circle around it but he hasn't tried it on.

lord only knows what he's thinking! we discuss everything but this.

(thanks balloonslayer..)

Could you not watch a DVD together, snuggle up on the sofa (if you cuddle, as you say) then snuggle up a bit more and see what he does?

define 'snuggle up a bit more'? is this a classic 'lunge'? I wonder if there has been and gone a point earlier on when it could have gone down a different path, but we're now too matey to be sexual, if you get my drift. life isn't ross and rachel.

i'm recalling all the threads i've read that say men and women can never 'just be friends' and rolling my eyes heavily!

How long have you known him?

Not so much a lunge because by that point you'd be so close that you would barely need to move to make your move...kiss his neck or whatever.

Have you tried the lots of alcohol route?

I second the drunken fumble avenue.

midnight express - around a year.

think i am going to have to do something. bugger. could easily blame it on alcohol though - of course there is the thin line of too-much-booze-to-function.

Hmm, I don't hold hands or cuddle with platonic friends. I'd be tempted to go for alcohol and jumping him (says she with long, unrequited crush).

Text him - fancy a shag?
maybe.

He's had a year to ask him out. I wouldn't do a thing except sit tight (and line up dates with other men) -- men know what they want.

He's had a year to ask you out, I mean.

Argh sorry, now I've had to write that brutally frank sentence twice! Eek.

I'd try the booze route. It always gives you both a get-out if it goes pear-shaped.

you first queen of whatever. ;)

s'fine beautiful. you're possibly right but thats a bit at odds with my feministy principles - and i'm not 100% sure he does know what he wants - he'll say that he's been celibate for so long, doesn't think that will change (which might be his way of leading me into the, 'oh shut up ' avenue - then he'll complain about not getting any. are these signs?! have i been out of the game so long that i am missing subtelty - or misreading with hope?

argh. really, there should be a simpler way of this...

My best friend became my DH, but first I had the painful experience of rejection from him. I started to make 'moving on' signs, and he realised that he had been afraid to make the move, and the rest is history.

we only get one life give it a go. use alcohol if it gives u an excuse... ;)

thank you dogfish. no need to apologise.

it's not gonna happen. don't ruin the friendship, but start to see other blokes and don't be so readily available.

while this half-relationship is carrying on, it makes you unavailable for anything else.

this strategy might make friend-guy sit up and do something, or you'll find someone else who is really into you. win-win.

My now ex was a great friend and he just started all that holding hand stuff andnone day just started stroking my arms and neck then got closer and closer until he kissed me.
I think you should do the same thing because if he starts looking uncomfertable you can just say 'oh fuck off I was only mucking about!'
we didn't end happily ever after- he was a mates brother so it caused alot of hassle fit as fuck tho! ;)

Totally with dogfish

I can't imagine being in this position with any man that I've then gone on to have a relationship with.

Even if he's being cautious about crossing a line in your friendship, a red blooded male would have demonstrated after a year that he was in to you.

Why is he celibate? Is that through choice or circumstances?

bit of both detoxdiva, he is terminally shy -which might pop another perspective on it -or not

it is a half relationship warthog, you're right but i've had horrible relationships where i've settled for people i don't really like just because they like me. i think a lot of that is to do with my dad leaving when i was very young and having quite low self esteem within relatioships because of that. I tend to measure other blokes against him, which probably isn't all that helpful.

hahah, he's shy, i'm picky.

really, a match made in heaven!! (sarcasm)

thank you all, for your time and comments. I've been thinking this through for a while now and had reached a kind of frustrated impasse. i do find all comments helpful, and well meant.

dogfish Fri 23-Jul-10 19:07:41 is right I think. Either he doesn't fancy you, is very shy or has a very low sex drive.

But I'll not to be narrow minded and I'll suggest you try to seduce him very very slowly and see what happens.