possible custody fight??

[lollyshmollypop]

hi,
me and my husband have one child (under 2 )amd as everyone else we argue. He is asian and I am white, so go figure: a recipe for disaster. Not all Asians are shovinists, and he seems to be qite modern in his view on relationship, but at the same time as he is getting older (mid 40s and I am mid 30s) I suspect that asian streak is soming thru more and more especially when he is under stress ( work related). Which of course does not justify emotional and verbal abuse.
Just now he picked up another fight from nothing. After 9 years of being married I kinda learnt not to get provoked, but this time i just woke up and my guard was off.... We have our own business, so financially I am dependent on him and it would not be easy for me to find a new job, especially with a little one.... Just now he basically oredred me to get my life together or there will be a divorce ( thats not a new threat at all, I am used to it now and it does not bother me at all BUT) but now he is saying that if we go separate ways , we will do everything to get half custody of our child.#so what is the general procedure for this? who gets custody?
He is a funny bloke, all this is stress related thing really, but it is NOT FAIR to rtake all the stress out on me , i AM a live person too FFS!!!! then he just wonders up giving me flowers and things, thinking that all is gonna be hunky dory...... I do not want to leave him really, as life style suits me , and I now look at this relationship as a business deal with a bit of sex thrown into it, but if it does come down to divorce and custody battle whats the options? what can I do now to make sure I get custody of the chu=ild and not 50/50? He cant say I am a bad mother by the way, although we have an au pair as I have to work from home...

the norm is becoming more and more a 50/50 residency split.....its the ideal really as you are both parents. why do you assume it should be you holding all the cards here?

what is 50/50 residency split?

your post makes you sound like a spoiled materialistic brat to be honest.

Your husband might have a point.

oh and he is entitled to shared custody - your child isn't a possession of yours.

you would not say this if you knew Msboogie: you probably had a very good life, never struggled financially. I have had ups and downs in my life, so would not dare to be on the street with small child and no job and nowhere to go.... if you only knew....firts few days after birth of my girl, we had an argument about me not having done something and ended up with him saying: take your baby now and leave ( after 3 days she was born!!!!) and he was there at birth: 19 hours on epidural, almost ended up with c section... i have had to put up with LOTS of abuse, not just verbal, but I have nowhere to go, no relatives, nothing.....i just had to eat my humble pie....
his mum went through the same thing with his Dad, and he hated him for it, but does the same ( even in his own sister;'s opinion)

and also Ms Boogie, whilst i am at it, how would it make you feel one week after having given birth, he gave me an ultimatum: I have to lose my weight extra 2 st I put on in PG or he leaves me! very nice, dont you think?

I was 12,5 st then, so not a whale!

residency is the correct word for custody now

parents split and you automatically gain full residency? no,not so much anymore. so many fathers have to make court applications for access when the wives leave and take the children. why should the children be deprived of their father on say so of other parent?

your husband would be in a position to ask for 50/50 shared....

does this mean no financial support for me and my child ILT?

you'll have to see a solicitor....but like everyone else,he'll pay maintenence. but the more overnights he has the child,the less will be paid

hopefully it won't come to this, I'd rather my child have a full family , I can tolerate it for now

thank you ILT

well, what you said was:

"I do not want to leave him really, as life style suits me, and I now look at this relationship as a business deal with a bit of sex thrown into it"

which very much misrepresents the situation you go on to describe.

If he is abusive either get some money out of your business and move into rented accommodation and claim the benefits you are entitled to and claim the appropriate maintenance for your child. or contact Womens' Aid and get them to help you.

You wouldn't be on the street and you would be able to get a job in due course.

MSboogie,
when he is nice, he is REALLY nice and caring, but he has these outburts of anger now and again. In the first years of our marriage it was almost every month, I do not know how i put up with it... I guess emotional dependence....anyway, i thought I can work things through. there has been a achnge , it only happens now and again few times a year now, so I just hope it will get better. Because deep inside I do love this man, but learnt to 'block' off any mistreatment directed my way.... it is not that simple: black or white. I guess when I posted this post eraler, I was very upset, and the way i deal with things when I am hurt: i shut them out and try to look at it without emotion. thats why probably you got the impression i am in for money.

I am his second wife BTW, and the fisrt one had the same problem and they divorced after 7 years being together, so it is not just me.... she then went thru 2 more husbands and now on her own, and'apprently' what i hear from that camp, she still thinks he was the best