I'm not sure if i need to say something...? Advice please!

[VirgoMummyB]

I am the youngest of four girls, and we all now have children of our own. We all live withing a 30 mile radious of each other and quite regularly meet up etc.

One of my older sisters had the first grandchild. He is such a lovely little boy, very intelligent and sweet.

2 and a half years after I had my DD and she is now 18 months. I can't help but feel like they treat him differently...they take him away for the weekends and day's out etc. They look after him one day a week and spoil him rotten (all this is acceptable) but with my DD they have never offered to take her away, or even have her over for the day! We will go over for an hour or so, but then they drop hints that they are busy or have things to do!!!!

When my sis's DS is naughty, they NEVER EVER give him any consiquences, and I can tell you we had severe consiquences as children. And if I am there to witness his behaviour I will say things like "don't do that ***" "Lets play nice" and he will completely ignore me. But my parents will cuddle him!

I just feel like she is missing out on the grandparent experience! And it makes me really mad!

Should I ask them why they don't want my DS?

Hello,

It could just be that your nephew is easier to look after now at 4 yo (is that right?). I have a 5yo and a 16mo, and I've noticed everyone (my parents, in-laws, brothers etc) all jumping at the chance to "look after" the older one, but not doing the same with the younger one - although when the 5yo was 18mo, they all spent lots of time with him.

It makes me feel a bit sad for the little one too, but I'm sure it's just because he's more work - he's gorgous, but you have to run around after him all the time. With the 5yo, they can play 'properly' (lego, board games, whatever), or go out for tea or to the playground. He's just much more low maintenance.

I bet your parents don't even realise they're doing it - perhaps you could gently point out that they don't spend much time with your ds and tell them he'd love it if they did.

Sorry, I mean your dd.

"When my sis's DS is naughty, they NEVER EVER give him any consequences, and I can tell you we had severe consequences as children. And if I am there to witness his behaviour I will say things like "don't do that *" "Lets play nice" and he will completely ignore me. But my parents will"

When people become grandparents they suddenly have a whole different set of rules for their grandchildren than they had for their own children.

If you would like them to have your DD, you need to ask, rather than wait to be asked. And as already said, it's much easier to take a 4yo away for the weekend than an 18 moths old who will probably miss her mum.

Oh, your question is do you need to say something. Well, yes, you do.

Just to add, my DM has always favoured one of my children over all the rest of her grandchildren, and saying it's not fair has never made a difference for more than a couple of days.

OK, this is my first ever answer. I'm a grandma and my 2 eldest are 5 and 2. I easily look after the eldest and she stays over with us often, we take her out and away for short holidays. The youngest is just too young, iyswim. I don't understand all of her babytalk (?) and to be very honest it just frightens us a bit. We look after her and babysit for a few hours, but if it's in the day time, after three hours she starts asking for her mummy. We love ALL of them the same, they are all different, and we hope that we will be able to bond with the youngest ones as much as with the eldest one. As grandparents and getting older, we aren't as brave as when we were parents, and younger, and sometimes the responsibilities that come with looking after very young children are very overwhelming. Hope that this helps.

I think the problem here might be simply that he is a Boy. Your parents had all girls - they know girls, they discipline girls - they didn't have a Boy and here they have one at last! OK, he's a grandson, not a son - but he's a Boy! So they dote on him. They don't dote on your DD because she is a girl and they know about them and what to do with them.

I could be wrong - but that is the stand-out fact for me. My mum very much favoured my bro out of 3 of us - because he was a Boy. He was still disciplined though because he was her son and not her grandson - but he was her favourite, no two ways about it.

You should bring it up with your parents though - your DD will notice and will remember as she gets older and it will mar her relationship with her grandparents.

Thumbwitch beat me to it - I was going to say the same thing.

I am from an all girl family, and my sister and me both had boys first and then girls.

My DM definitely treats the boys different to girls. Could be a generation thing. She frowns on making boys do any housework/tidying.

I would say something. As TW says, it could affect your DD's relationship with them.

Thumbwitch & PFV I think you are both right! I have thought it may be that he is a boy. My DD is just so amazing with such a big personality and I feel sad that they are missing out on her wonderful 'learning' stage. I will test the water with my mum this weekend.

noluck - thank you for a different perspective. My mum and dad are still young at only 54 and 55! And to be truely honest my sis's DS is much more 'demanding' than my DD is.

I think I just feel a little hurt.

Thanks guys!