I can't get over him

[irlandab]

I don't know what to do with my life. It seems as if I'm stuck living an illusion. I love this man and I think he loves me too, but I'm tired of trying to be together. I'm suffering but I can't let go either.

We live in different countries and even though he says he'd like to join me here it feels like it's only words for him because whenever I push for actual action he doesn't see things through. He has a son who doesn't live with him and who he gets to see very irregularly and I think he doesn't want to be so far away, which I understand and applaud, but I get so confused when his actions and his words say opposite things. I don't know if it's because he's 5 years younger than I am, but sometimes I feel like he is behaving like a kid. But then again, when it comes to him, I feel like a teenager too.

The last time I saw him and we were together was in January and since then it's been phone calls and online chatting almost every day. The last few months, it's been very tense, with lots of jealousy and frustration flying about. I've tried so many times to stop calling or writing to him, but I'm weak.

I know it's probably reading like a clear-cut case of "move on", but I have never felt this way before. When I'm with him it's so intense and he is so loving, not to mention the sex is the best I've ever had. I'm afraid I won't ever feel this way with any other man again. I know I have to move on, but I can't seem to do it.

How to get over someone when they seem to be the love of your life but real life keeps you apart?

From what you have written, it isn't real life keeping you apart, it is him

Fair enough he wants to be near his son, so why doesn't he tell you that and be honest instead of dangling the carrot with his pretty words ?

I think you are being dangled here and you should find someone who really wants to commit it to you, if a lasting relationship is what you are looking for

you have a romantic notion of what life would be like with this man.

unfortunaly i doubt you will ever find out as he is playing you. He is keeping you hanging around for his own ego.

He will never commit full time to you and for your own emotional health i think you need to delete him and move on.

that wont be able to happenw hilst you are allowing him to contact you. you need to erase all contact with him and block him from texting, calling or emailing you.

Won't feel what way again exactly? Jealous, hurt, angry, frustrated? That isn't how the love of your life is supposed to make you feel.

Come on, take the plunge, tell him that if his circumstances change then to give you a call - but until then, you won't be wasting your life waiting on someone you'll never have.

You know he'll never come over here full time. So unless you're willing to go over there, you're stuck.

I've been in a long distance relationship for over a year now, sadly it ended a week ago. One of the reasons were our arguments, which as you probably know become much harder to get over with the distance as a factor..no make-up sex, no cuddling after harsh words have been said and so on.

I think that in a long distance relationship it is really important to have shared goals and a timetable to achieve these goals, because otherwise the pain of missing each other becomes so great it just overshadows everything else and the end never seems in sight.

It sounds as though you have made plans which are more 'possiblies' than 'definitleys' if that makes sense? Until you can make a decision and start making things happen in a tangible way toward being together in person you will feel in limbo and not able to move on one way or the other.

I would suggest you talk it through with him and make it clear that you have reached the stage where you would like for you both to make some decisions about your future and to then start planning towards that. Explain how you feel and how difficult it is for you to keep hanging on on a promise and a maybe. If he still doesn't want to take any action then i'm afraid he is probaby not serious about moving to be with you.

If that is the case then I would suggest you end things and focus on yourself for a while, as hard as that will be.

Thank you for the replies.

I think you're all right, that he is dangling the carrot and playing me even if unconsciously.

I'm hanging on to that and the way I feel when we're together, but right now it's mostly frustration, frustration, frustration. I've reached my limit.

All your replies really made it clear what I have to do. I guess I knew it already, but it helped me a lot to have the outside point of view, so a BIG thanks. I hope I can do what I need to.

Love to all.