Backwards question

[onedaylikethis]

I'm a guy but I need some advice and my mates just don't really seem to help with complex issues such as this.

Married for a couple of years, dw (i'm guessing thats the opposite of dh ) is fantastic - mainly. We've got a good strong open relationship but there's an issue brewing between us around sex. There i said it, man thats feels good.

Anyway, basically I feel like I am almost pestering her to have sex maybe once a week. Its almost always me initiating it and when i try and talk about it its like it hasn't dawned on her that its a problem, she says she feels like it but just can;t be bothered. She is very practical and down to earth and not a dreamy/feelings sort of person. She's pretty inhibited as well in a lot of ways but doesn;t seem all that eager to 'try' things in bed. Look I know its not Friday and I'm definitely not heading towards the bumsex thread here, just general fun stuff. I dunno, its weird/confusing for me. In all other respects we are absolute equals, in our relationship i can be myself. Maybe i have a problem with the way i go about this but I'm starting to worry about it and thats not good. I just want to try and talk about it in a way thats not accusing her of having an issue. As background i had a previous, erm, dp who was a bit the same and i'm starting to think that maybe its me. Which of course it could be.

Help

Oh I feel like this about my husband most the time. I would recommend the caveman approach (dragging her off to bed and talking dirty)...or porn. But that's just me! She might be more respectable.

You're having sex once a week.

Compared to a lot of people on MN you are very lucky.

I don't really see what you want. Do you just want her to be the one asking for it? Or do you want it more often?

Are you whingeing about it? When you finish do you say "We should do that more often"?

Just think about what pressure or negativity you might be expressing, and whether that alone might be the problem.

Thanks all, here's my report. Went well, spectacularly well so big ups to GG for the nice open question . The opportunity arose and we had a very open and frank conversation on the whole thing and no matter how well you know someone you always keep learning more and more. Which is nice. Anyway, minipie has it mostly spot on. She was quite ill (viral thing , she was/is an athlete) so was broken and mentally still struggles with the sex/don't feel good however we made a pretty hefty start on upping the frequency and , erm, fun aspect of it. Quite honestly the communication in this particlar aspect of our marriage hasn't really ever needed to happen so thats maybe partly why we both found it so hard. However, success so nice work MN. I'll continue to lurk now.

Although can i just say, there seems to be a disproprtionate amount of wanker men around, i mean seriously, stuff i read on here horrifies me. How can guys behave like that. I was cheated on once, the rules were set out at the start of the relationship and as per the rules I threw all her gear off the deck of the house including all the smashable stuff. That was the rules, tough shit you broke them. Not nice though and I feel for all who have to go through that shit, i put up with it for years before i grew some man balls and dealt with it. So works both ways

Very pleased for you - have fun !

a*a = 0.01b -c

where
a = no. of times per week after marriage and children

b= no. of times per week before marriage

c= some constant

possible to decrease c with flowers, being considerate, doing the shopping, making the packed lunches, waking up for the kids, genuinely listening to your wife, being loving, doing the gardening, male grooming, .......

...never had any complaints

Easy tigers

...not promising any demos....

If you make a woman orgasm everytime before sex through oral. She will want sex all the time, be always flirting with you, do anything for you and it wont matter if she is working or has kids imo.

My husband does that everytime we have sex and I cant remember the last time I didnt orgasm and in turn I always want sex. I think it is as simple as that most of the time. If its good and she cums she wants it all the time. I definitely wouldnt be impressed by flowers just get to the oral

A few glasses of wine might do the trick...at least if she's a bit tipsy she might tell you what's up, at best you might get laid

sunny2010 - no problem whatsoever!