will try not to make this too long, but i am so so sad watching my lovely friend just accept shoddy treatment, being treated like a lesser human in her own home. i am worried she doesn't even see what is happening to her and feel that i could at least try to explain that normal,healthy marriages just aren't like this.
the back story.
friend has always somewhat under acheived, seemingly afraid of reaching too high or following her own dreams on her own. she seems to have an idealised vision of love as the main thing in life, gets overinvolved in relationships very quickly.
she had a very long term relationship which made her very ill and very sad, he had mental health problems which were apparently the problem. after 9 years he abruptly left her. just after he finished the degree she had worked to pay him through, leaving her with large debts she had run up as he couldn't handle financial stress. she was devastated.
a couple of short but intense relationships over the next year. she decides she loves one after 3 months but he dumps her for some alleged too close to his mate moment-very childish. she tries to get him back despite him effectively humiliating her.
her mother becomes ill, probably terminal. they are extremely close.
she meets man now her dh. he proposes after 3 months. moves in. they marry after 10 months together. he doesn't want to get to know her friends.
they run up debts on expensive wedding and honeymoon.
pregnant 5 months after wedding. her mother dies when baby months. pregnant again when baby 11months-unplanned apparently as he only wanted one child.
he never meets her friends-she hardly sees anyone but his or her family. he spends most of his days off with his friends, doing one of his numerous hobbies. he has a playroom in their 4 roomed rented house, while her father and sister sleep on sofa on their frequent visits.children have little space to play etc, baby in their room etc. he spends money on the latest phones, computor games, stuff for his hobbies, clothes, going out etc despite her having few clothes, never going anywhere etc
he needs to nap every afternoon after work because of his job. even when she is ill. she has to do all childrens meals, all housework etc.
i don't know how he speaks to her or anything as i have never really seen them together, she almost never mentions him.
i see her most weeks, been friends since school. i think i may be the only friend she sees, with one other mutual friend she talks to on phone. this friend also very concerned.
she is so sad, so down trodden. she says it is grief for her mum, which i don't doubt is a factor but she has been married for 3 years, surely things should be better.
i am afraid of isolating and depressing her more-even of being a bit of a bully by critiscing her marriage, but i tried not to critiscise her old relationship and all sorts came out afterwards.
he is, to use good old mn speak, an overgrown manchild with an incedible sense of entitlement who sees himself as the only person in that relationship.
any advice?
i am so angry, with him for sitting in his playroom laughing at her, but i must confess also with her for letting him