Know I have to leave - but what to do about the practicalities?

[Jazzicatz]

I am preparing to leave an abusive relationship but will leave with literally nothing. What do I do about furniture and stuff like that? I can rent a flat just about but have nothing to go in it. I won't have any transport so can't pick stuff up. Worrying how we will survive initially.

Ring womens aid, speak to the CAB, they will be able to help you/advise you.

I'm sure someone will come along soon who is more knowledgable than me about this.

PS well done for making the descision to leave, it will all work out in the end

Have recently helped someone move who was in an abusive relationship. She did it with the help of Women's Aid and was able to arrange the removal of a lot of precious and useful things, via a good sized van and two blokes helping out. Women's Aid were brilliant and she couldn't have done it without their help. Good luck.

I have done that already. They are helping but I have nothing in this house - its all his and my ds's and I are just having to leave quickly.

Depending on your circumstances you may be entitled to a Community Care Grant which will help plus, where I live there is a charity which donates a brand new white good, i.e washing machine, cooker, or fridge freezer for example. Other than that there are some cracking bargains in charity shops.

Women's Aid may also have things you can borrow such as a baby belling or blow up beds. I know the refuge I was in had a few items which they lent out.

You could buy some garden chairs for a fiver, or bean bags, they would suffice until you have a sofa. If you don't have beds then air beds are a good temporary measure.

Have a look on freecycle for things to tide you over until you can afford to buy your own things. You can pick up some nice things.

Try not to worry too much. I left an abusive relationship with nothing too and I still don't have very much but it's still a wonderful life. I have peace of mind and freedom, the furniture will come later

This is the charity for the white good www.buttletrust.org/

Thank you so much Timeforme and I know you are right it just worries me that we literally have nothing and how am I going to provide a life for my beautiful boys

Where are you? I have a load of stuff baout to free cycle.

I'm currently in Oxfordshire about to move to East Sussex

Try not to worry. I know it's easier said than done because I was exactly the same as you but somehow everything works out. There are children's charities that donate furniture, there are grants you can apply for, there is help out there. Women's Aid should be able to help you with the Frank Buttle Trust, they will have the forms, also the Community Care Grant. They may also have details of children's charities close to you. They will also have items that people have donated, so don't be afraid to ask

A few weeks ago there was an ad in my local paper, in the free ad sales section from a single mum who was setting up home and had nothing. She was asking for anything that anyone would care to donate. I had nothing to donate but I sent her a text message wishing her good luck. I thought the ad was a great idea!

Good luck Jazzicatz. I wish I was closer to help but i'm in north east.
very un mumsnet ((((hugs))))

Thank you - I suppose I just have to deal with it once I am gone and stop worrying about it!

Jazzicatz, I remember your previous threads, I'm incredibly happy to hear that you're leaving AND taking the boys.

You work fulltime, don't you? And the boys are schoolage? So you'll at least have an income coming in.

Sorry, no practical advice, just wanted to pop in and join your cheer squad. Your life will be so, so much happier soon.

There are a few furniture recycling schemes in East Sussex (google furniture recycling and east sussex), which I am sure will help as much as they can.

Well done!

Hi Jazzicatz, where are you going to be in East Sussex (if its safe to say). I'm in West Sussex and may have some bits I can bring across to you - rugs, lightshades, etc. Having my bedroom done within the next 6 months so might have bedroom furniture going. DH also has van so bringing it across to you would be easy enough. Can I contact you when I am getting rid of it and see if you still need it?

Have you thought about thermarest mattresses and sleeping bags for now?

I would keep asking on here - there are lots of very kind and generous people lurking.

Good luck to you - you are a very brave lady.

Thank you mummytine thats fantastic. Oooh I know its very unmumsnet but you really are all wonderful

Teebee not sure where I will be yet, but thank you so much for your offer. I will let you know once I have got somewhere. You really are very kind

Good luck Jazzi.

Hurray, hurray, Jazzi!

If you haven't got the flat, can you rent a furnished one?

I moved into an unfurnished one with nothing 14 months ago. The thing is, you can do it bit by bit. The boys may well enjoy the adventure of camping out in an unfurnished flat for a bit (as Teebee says - sleeping bags are great to start with).

There are good deals to be had in charity furniture shops - let the boys help choose! And ask the local council - they'll be able to point you in the direction of local resources.

When you're doing something big like this, it's normal to fixate on small details as a kind of displacement anxiety. I spent a lot of time worrying about returning my library books.

Oh Jazzi, I'm so, so happy for you. Really, I almost feel like crying here!

Jazzi, I remember your thread and I'm so glad you are doing this. I'm in the East of East Sussex, there are all sorts of places round here that help people out with furniture etc. Happy to chat about where you will be & where I am etc. if you would like. allarmbells at gmail dot com.

What an amazing thread! Good luck to you, you've had some amazing advice/offers, I wish I was nearer! I hope you and your dc are very happy in your new home, what others have said is spot on, they will probably view 'indoor camping' as a lot of fun! I wish you all the best : )

Thanks again all. I have looked into whats in my area and it looks like I can find stuff. Just need to find the flat now!

the first time i left an abusive relationship, i had ds1 who was 18 months, and was 4 months pg with ds2. i left with a bag of my clothes, a bag of ds1's clothes, a bag of toys and the pram. moved into a refuge 150 miles away, and then into a b&b. collected some more bits while in b&b. got offered a council flat, and i literally had:
a double bed
a cot bed
an arm chair
and a microwave. and our clothes, ds1's bag of toys and the pram.

the second time i left an abusive relationship was much easier as the house was in my name so i didnt go anywhere, but i made him go

Jazzicatz - just dropping in to say the best of luck to you. You're a very brave woman in a horrible situation! Having read one of your other threads I am so glad your are taking your DC - they will benefit from having such a strong mother as yourself.
Life is just about to get a great deal easier and so much better - be excited and always remember you are doing the right thing.