not pregnant

[MammyMakkaMoo]

Hello, I'm new to Mumsnet and just about got the courage to post. Hope this is ok.

I'm in a bit of a quandary in my friendship group. Din;t know how to react.

Our little group of 4 met after we had all had our first babies about a year and a half ago. We have become so close since then, in and out of each others houses, talking about everything, relying on each other etc.

Since the start of the Summer, one of these friends has has another baby which didnt really bother me because i didn't even feel ready to be pregnant again at that stage. My DH and I had always been planning to start trying again this Spring, but becuase of finances (or distinct lack on them) we are having to put baby number two off. I though I was fine with this, a little disappointed but fine. Now both of my other close friends are pregnant too.

I am really happy for them and i know its the right time for them. But a part of me can't help feeling gutted that I'm not even planning to get pregnant (and would actually like to be). I'm worried about feeling a bit left out... just that we won't have as much in common any more, that they'll think I don't understand stuff becuase I'm still a first time mum. I don't want to say too much to my friends a) becuase i don't want to put any dampeners on their pregnacies / babies and b) because I don't want them to feel they can't talk to me about what's going on with them in case I get upset.

Do you think it's normal for me to feel this way or am I turning into a selfish, sad old woman? Any suggestions about how to feel a bit less flat?

My little boy is an angel to me and I'm sure I should just feel happy at that. I would just love to be able to get him a sibling on the way.

Hi,

didn't want your post go left unanswered. My friend and I also had our babies very close together and spent lots of time with the kids. Then I got pregnant again, she did a few months after but lost the baby.

I don't think she will every have another baby due to her age but to be honest, I don't think much changed. Not from my part anyway and she hasn't mentioned anything.

What I am trying to say is that things don't have to change between you and your friends and you shouldn't feel pressured to have another one if you don't feel ready.

Whether you have one or two is pretty much the same. They sleep, eat, then start being more alert. Perhaps they won't talk about the milestones that much because its not new and they have experienced it before.

If they are true friends, you will still be frieds. Talk to them and help them understand how you are feeling. And, they might even appreciate you more because you have an extra hand to lend. Once you are ready for another baby it will be more special all around as your's will be the 'only' baby and not one in four.

Try not to worry, they are your friends and its not a competition.

Thanks for your reply. Lots that makes sense. I suppose I'm probably more botheres that I would like to be having another but can't afford to. And the fact that everyone else around me is having another just makes me a bit sad... dare i say, am i just a bit jealous becuase they're getting what i would like?! feel such a cow admitting that!

Thanks

Same sort of thing happened with me and a few friends. I was the first to get pregnant with a second but within six months two of the other girls got pregnant. I have my beautiful 3 mth old daughter but still feel a bit jealous of my two friends because they have yet to give birth and experience all the newborn baby thing soon.

You will probably go on to have another when the time is right and they make feel slightly envious of you experiencing it all again.

I have friends with children of various ages, some pregnant when I wanted to be and probably some were jealous when I was pg too. Despite this you can remain good friends. It also works better on the passing baby stuff down thing so look for the positives

yeah, never thought of those things. swings and roundabouts i suppose. thanks

just though, it would be riduculous if a group of friends all did things at the same time wouldnt it.

good bit of perpective. thanks fullofbeanstoday and Schnullerbacke!

this MN thing's good int it?