are step families the new 'norm' for family?

[mopsera]

its more and more common these days to be in a second or third relationship with kids from previuos marriages/ rel's, is this becoming the new 'norm' for rel's and are you in this situation? does it work? im curiuos as i see myself there one day.

I dont think ist norm at all, poor kids...

is not "normal" but def more common

Families come in lots of shapes and sizes and blended families are just as normal as any other kind.

hi i mean normal, in the sense of more common,
i see many more families every year are mixing into new famiies...and i believe this is how relationships/ families will be more and more.

More diversity in relationships is a good thing. Because it means that people with horrible partners (or just unsatisfactory ones) will stop feeling they have to stay with those partners in order to be 'normal'.

i agree ..but also we have to be careful not to make the same mistake again.!!
I am very very clear what i want for next time!all the things soemone else listed as a good rel; respect/admiration/sharing/etc that i had with my ex ( previuos to this rel )

...and of course someone who is a dad already and understands

I don't know about that, Mops. A man who has no DC of his own yet can still be a good stepdad, whereas a man who has DC but doesn't see them/pay maintenance for them might seem like a lovely partner but be as poor a stepdad as he is a dad.

I probably have as many friends with stepkids as still with their first husband. We're still largely ignored by the media however. Single parents (a term I hate, most kids have 2 parents, to me that demeans the nonresident parent and assumes if you no longer live together the nonres parent doesn't count) get media coverage but step parents much less so.

yes true; man with kids doesnt mean good dad..
guess overall tho have found men with kids different to the more immature 'boys' that i seem to have known before,

Ryma, do you not understand the implications of you making such a short but so insensitive remark? Poor kids?! My marriage broke down 3 years ago and my dc are more emotionally stable and happy than I can ever have wished for. My ex and I handled the sad break down of our marriage very carefully and parted as friends, people often remark how fantastically happy my dc are and what a wonderful relationship they have with my new dp and their father.
I hope for your sake that if you are in a 'traditional' type of family that you stay together long term, as you will be in a terrible situation if any of your close friends or family hold the same sort of narrow minded and heartless views as you do, and you then too end up alone with 'poor kids' to bring up.
Sorry op for going off subject, in response to your question, I think that families come in all shapes and sizes now and that what is important is the happiness and welfare of the children. The unhappiest family I know, consists of 2 children caught in the middle of 2 utterly miserable parents! I hope your ok? Your original post suggests maybe not?

My DH is a stepdad to DD and we have a DS together.

I don't believe that a step father/mother needs to have DCs to make a better parent. DH is wonderful with DD and DS. He treats them equally and I can't fault his fathering skills one bit.

He has learnt as he went along with DD, as he did with DS once he came along.

I think that step familes are more 'common' these days because people now realise that staying together for the sake of the children, is not a good thing.

Especially if they are rowing or there is abuse/affairs etc.

i agree and am about to seperate from my partner as we are starting to row more and more and its starting to affect baby ( now 6 months old )which i cant stand.i cant do this to her anymore.

we have conflicting ideas sometimes...eg he sees me as over protective and i see him as a bit reckless.i want her to have a happy peaceful upbringing which is why i moved to a village just before her birth, and now one day i hope to meet some one else possibly with thier own kids,.

I live with my son and he regularly sees his father and his step-family. At the moment seems to me he gets the best of both worlds actually, in comparision to living with two parents who were desperatley unhappy together, now he lives with happy mummy and happy daddy, gets all the one to one time he needs with me and a busy nuclear family environment with step-mum and two older step-brothers with his dad.

He's never been so settled and happy. :-)

Lovely to read such lovely and positive stories : ) Ryma seems to have gone a bit quiet.........

How strange - people seem to be relating this discussion to their own experiences and jumping down the throat of anyone whose opinions don't chime with their own.

My, my..that's never happened on MN before.

Surely we all relate our own experiences to any discussed on here? I didn't intend to 'jump down' anyones throat, just felt very sad to read Ryma's misguided comment and hated the thought that someone who was feeling vulnerable would read it. I came on mumsnet to seek advice and to (hopefully) help and support others : ) I am actually new to all this and am frankly appalled at some of the comments I read on here, its sad to see.

'are you in this situation? does it work? im curiuos as i see myself there one day.'

Sorry that sounded like an invitation to me to share my experience of step-families.

Thought that was what OP was asking for.

Personally dont know how helpful it is for someone to refer to kids in step-families as 'poor kids' to a person who is thikning of joining that situation, but each to their own and all.

Maybe the use of the word 'poor' implies that step-families are not the ideal situation and should be avoided (albeit not at any price).

Too sweeping a generalisation i'm afraid. Each family is different and there are plenty of miserable biological families as well as step-families.

Many biological families are not the 'ideal situation'. You can point to various studies or anecdotal evidence to prove points one way or the other, but the truth of it is that ALL families are complex with their own strengths and weaknesses. It simply isn't helpful to say step-families should be avoided as a cover-all stance.

For my own personal situation step-family life is actually better. For another person that might not be the case. I'm open minded enough to see it shades of grey rather than black and white.

It's more common, but I'm not sure any family is 'normal'.