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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp's computer obsession

13 replies

newmumhelp · 20/08/2005 22:42

Ds is 7 weeks old, and sometimes, i think dp forgets her exists. Dp spends about 2 hours on the computer a night, and its really beginning to get to me. When he does give ds attention, he is very good with him, and makes an excellent dad. But he will come in from work, about an hour before ds goes to bed, and will say a quick hello, then goes on the computer until we bath ds and put him to bed. Therefore meaning he spends about 20 minutes with him.

Even when ds has gone to bed. He's back on the computer for another hour or so, and just feel like i don't exist half the time.

I'm tired of telling him to pick his son up, and i'm tired of sitting down night after night watching him on the computer! It just doesnt seem to sink in!!

Any ideas?

OP posts:
MarsLady · 20/08/2005 22:44

yes, keep posting on mumsnet. You'll soon be addicted, he won't have time for the computer and then he'll spend more quality time.

sorry, probably not helpful.

Hattie05 · 20/08/2005 22:47

Get a laptop so you can puter together! .

Children soon learn not to disturb mummy and daddy whilst they're on the pc.

Sorry not very constructive advice at all how childish of me.

novadandypowder · 21/08/2005 00:37

Hmm my DH does a similar thing, we don't have a child yet but one is on the way, I'm the one who gets left on my own while he plays on the computer. I've spoken to DH about the way it makes me feel and he acknowledges that it's a problem, but it's the only thing he can do to de-stress after work. It enables him to shut off for a couple of hours, and then when he does come to talk to me, I get a calm DH instead of a stressed one.

I can understand why he does it, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it. Sorry, thats not really advice, just my way of saying you're not alone.

Original poster
newmumhelp · 21/08/2005 08:16

They sound like the same people. Apart from mine will stay on the computer all night unless I have a go at him about it. Decided to speak to him about it last night, and he said he will limit it to an hour a day, but he has said that loads of times, so we'll just have to wait and see. Thanks novadandypowder

OP posts:
mumtosomeone · 21/08/2005 08:26

my ex was like that!!!
Although he didnt even help with the bath!!!

Twiglett · 21/08/2005 08:37

when he comes home from work let him take over till bedtime .. and you come on mumsnet instead

the reasons are 2-fold

he will develop a far stronger bond being responsible for bedtime routine

it will give you a break

HappyDaddy · 22/08/2005 09:30

When he's at work, unplug the pc, open the lid and removed the processor. Then he'll come home and it will be broken. Get him to sit with you all for the evening and see if he notices how much he's missing.

biglips · 22/08/2005 09:38

HD - no no no that makes it worse for my DP as he'll be spending hours fixing the damn computer !! so i wouldnmt win.. i have to growl at Dp to come and sit with us for a bit as we've had probs with our computer as Dp bought a new RAM and it caused the computer to crash so dp had been on the computer literally all week BUT he did spend a whole day with us to the funfair..

jac34 · 22/08/2005 09:43

I think all of us need some time to do our own thing. DH used to spend ioads of time on the PC, I used to lay on the spare bed in the same room and read a book, it's just the same as you both sitting there watching the TV.
DH doesn't seem to spend as much time on it anymore, I think the novelty wore off.
However, he does play alot of golf in these lighter evenings, he'd play at night if it was floodlite !!!
At least your DH is in the same house as you.

Original poster
newmumhelp · 22/08/2005 10:18

I'm more than happy for him to spend an hour on the internet a night, but it was getting to 3 or 4 hours sometimes longer, if i never said anything. So after 2 hours i'd get annoyed and tell him off! I've taken a different approach now though. Told him if he spends more time with me, i'll make it worth while

Seems to be doing the trick so far!

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 23/08/2005 14:15

biglips, in that case, next time he tries to get it working do this:

you: is it f*ed, dear?
dh: yes it is, why do you ask?
you: cos that's more than I've been so get your a**e over here big boy.
dh:

lunavix · 23/08/2005 14:18

I do this BUT I have ds all day!

I do wash up and clean after dinner, but dh is responsible for ds's bath and bed. I have ds all day, and if I let dh get away with not doing it he'd not have done much with him at all.

I made this clear from day one though...

biglips · 23/08/2005 23:54

HD - ..... .. thats it, im off

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