not coping and need some help

[xphantomflanflingerx]

I posted on the pregnancy board (nearly 37 weeks) but maybe someone here might be able to help, not sure what to do anymore!

Sat here in floods as i write this.Dh has had a few problems with depression in the past but recently over the last year has been fine.Last year i found out i was expecting and i am now 37 weeks pregnant only for him to go totally off the rails and i don't think i can cope with him any more.
He's behaving in a way (after 14 years and 2 other kids)like nothing i have ever seen.He stayed out all night and slept in a doorway drunk, had an internet affair behind my back and took money out of my account that wasn't his to take and that's just some of it.When he is here he rants and shouts like he's completely lost it and we all feel like we are under siege.
He doesn't seem to have any idea of the upset and distress he is causing...my little girl was beside herself when he just disappeared and stayed out all night.She was even distressed in her sleep.
With a baby due in a few weeks i just feel completely trapped and isolated.
Apparently he has telephoned his 76 year old mum up and shouted and bellowed at her so much he made her cry.
The other day he upset me so much i thought i had gone into labour early.This needs to stop now.I just don't know what to do.

Speak to womans aid. It sounds like he's either had a breakdown or he's using something to try and cope.

It sounds like you need him to move out pronto.

So sorry not sure what to advise you is there anywhere you could go and stay for a few days with your dcs to take stock a bit and send a message to your dh that you cant tolerate his behaviour - maybe shock him into seeking help?

We tried getting help from the dr only to be told that it's the babys fault and we were feckless for having one in the first place.Even though this behaviour is new and bizarre and hasn't happened before.
Doc although useless thinks he might have borderline personality disorder.He has been referred but they didn't help much before when he went.
If it wasn't for limited funds i would move him out (i did try and get him to go and stay with his mother (before he upset her!) but she wasn't able to help and i can't say as i really blame her tbh.

I would call the police the next time there is an incident where you are feeling threatened and tell them he has MH issues - perhaps they could get him admitted for assessment?

He needs help. You need support and to feel safe in your own home.

Your daughter is upset, you are upset, your unborn child will be distressed too.

This man is out of control and you can certainly do without it at anytime, let alone with 3 weeks left until the baby arrives.

I would ask him to leave. I would try and talk to him and explain, in very simple terms, the upset and hurt he is causing you and the children. Ask him to please understand that you can't live with him like this.

He needs real help. He sounds like something has triggered his current behaviour, especially if this is all new.

An internet affair, theft, drinking to excess and sleeping in doorways.......

Do you really want this man in your life and your chidrens life?

He needs to go and you need to tell him that.

At the very least, he needs to go to his GP and explain his recent eratic behaviour.

I'm sorry but you should not be letting him stay when he's behaving in such a way.

Sorry X posted re the doc.

I'm sorry you've been fobbed off by your GP

I'm no MH specialist, but his behaviour does sound like a manic episode if it is out of character and he has had depression in the past. Could he have bipolar disorder?

Yesterday he was shouting and ranting at me and my eldest daughter.It was saturday morning we had been busy all week and wanted to just hang around in our jammies for a bit.We got shouted at for being 'lazy' and sitting around in front of the t.v all day (9am in the morning), he then went upstairs and started on my youngest daughter.I ended up really losing it in the end, what he did was nothing short of bullying, not physically but emotionally.It really is like a living hell.As he is on benefits apparently the council have a rent deposit scheme might be useful if i find out tomrrow exactly what it is.My poor girls are stuck in the middle, they don't want him to go but have had enough of this as well.Would be better for them if he did.

stupid gp says because he doesn't think he is jesus, is coherant and hasn't spent thousands he isn't bipolar!! He did mention bpd which is pretty serious as well.Doc refused to change his tablets until he has been for this referral.
I read somewhere that there doesn't have to be manic episodes for bipolar, this kind of behaviour (being totally impossible to live with) can also be a sign.

what's your gut feeling about him? Do you think he's unwell or just a tosser?

oh his excuse for yesterday was 'he hadn't taken his tablets' Firstly he would still have had some in his system as i think they are accumulative.You don't suddenly rant away like that if you are an hour late taking them! He then appeared afterwards looking grey, drawn and upset and said sorry to the kids.Needles to say i have had enough of 'sorry' to last a lifetime.It means nothing anymore.Even when his normal self, i feel very wary of him and i can feel myself stiffen because i know that something like this won't be far off.
I got a mouthful of abuse the other day just because i made a mistake with our bank account.
He is now downstairs feeling sorry for himself because he made his elderly mum cry.

write this all down and give it to him to read and respond
he will read it when calm and hopefully it will sink in better that way

your gp sounds far from reasonable and it isn't for him to pass judgement on your pregnancy but rather to give help for the case in point
go back and see someone else

if your dh doesn't acknowledge that there is a problem then you need to find a solution that will suit you, your girls and the imminent arrival
you need a bit of calm milady to herald in the new bambino and he needs to get on board or be cast aside

Anitabush...i love the way you put that...made me laugh! bit of both tbh.At the moment i just feel like he is a total tosser and i don't want him near me or in my face

This is emotional abuse. And bullying.

Depression or not, his behaviour is unacceptable. You need to show him, as Ronaldinhio says, how he is behaving when he's in a frame of mind for you to do that.

Writing it all down is a great idea.

GP sounds of no help, why wait until after the referral when he clearly needs help NOW!

You can't let him carry on behaving this way to you and the girls. I'm sorry, but he needs to stop it or leave.