A bit of advice needed please dp wont talk to me.

[lydiathetattooedlady]

this is a bit long-winded really and for those who make it to the end thank you!

me and dp have been together just over 4 years. we have 2 beautiful children aged 3.4 and 1year. we got pregnant very early in to our relationship. he made it clear he felt i was pressuring him in to being a father if i continued with pregnancy. i decided to go ahead anyway making it clear i had no expectations for him to stand by me but he did and our relationship has continued on somewhat shaky grounds. we moved to the midlands from manchester so i could be near my family and because we didnt want to raise a child where we were. we brought a house and then ds came along.

we have periods of being very happy, and then periods of it being very shit. most of it being me being angryt hat i dont feel he helps me enough with the children. he has always ahd the attitude that because he earns more money his jib is alot harder than mine.

i started my own business with my sister in feb. i work 6 days a week but also do .EVERYTHING for the children. they get up at 6 (if im lucky, its usually earlier) get them washed dressed fed, tkae them to nursery (ten min bus ride, then 20min walk) i then go to work all day, pick them up, go home get them ready for bed. when thats doen i do the washing ironing as well as yet more work for my business. i can count on one hand the amount of times dp has got up with the children in the mroning.

he has now trasnferred back to manchester due toredundancies in the offices down here. he's living back with his parents. his mum cooks his tea for him and all he has to do is go to work. his hours are 10-6 day shift or night shifts. so not exactly crack of dawn get ups. he's onyl been gone 10days, had 2 at home but on thoise 2 days again he stayed in bed whilst i was up getting kids ready for the day then got up just in time to take them to nursery and me to work.

ive tried talking to him but he doesnt want to listen and just shouts. we had a row yesterday before he went back to manchester. i told him dd has said she doent miss him when he goes to work anymore because he shouts at her. his response instead of feeling guilty like i would was, 'well i wont bother coming home then if you and dd think im such a shit dad'.

i dont know what to do or tell him how i feel. i was prescribed anti-d not so long ago but he hates the fact im on them but i need them.

i suppose all im asking for is for someone to say you're not being unreasonable for wanting dp to help out more.

thank you for reading my essay

Lydia.

The very fact that the said about not coming back tells you that actually, he probably wishes that he didn't 'have to'.

You do everything already. You can run the house with your eyes shut, you take care of the DC, and work full time.

What does he actually contributed other than more laundry?

I think that you already know how this is going to end up. You will be fine without him. Really, you will.

hi evereon, just wanted to thank you all for you wonderful advice.

he rang last night whilst at work and i told him i didnt want to speak to him until he had read the email i sent. he was at work when i sent the email, he was on a night shift. anyway he calls me at 11.30, i say so whats oing to happen then, he hadnt a clue what i was on about and i saiddont call me until you have read the email!!

anyway he reads then rings me up and siad, 'why didnt you tell me you felt like that.' i went mad and said i try to but you always cut me off or behave childishly. he said he was sorry and that he had no idea thats how i felt, and said that he knows he needs to help me more and wants to try and make our relationship work.

i know you will all think im mad but ive given him 30days to prove he means it or it is over. i know im stupid but i suppose i feel that now ive been able to get off my chest all the things that have niggled me over the 3 years, he desreves a chance to put what he's done wrong, right.

from all your kind words i now know i can do this by myself and i dont need him, so if after his 30 days are up he's still being a shit i will be able to tell him to fark off to his mum permanently!

good luck lydia and all the best x

keep us posted

Lydia.

Good luck and I hope he sees sense.

At least you have put a time limit on how much longer you are going to give him.

Take care and update when you can.

I don't think you're mad at all. You said you love him and want your relationship to work earlier on in the thread.

The only thing I would say, though, is not to extend his 30 days if he's rubbish again. I'd also suggest you use that time to determine exactly what you would need to do if you do split up so that you've already got a "just in case" plan in place if you decide it's best for you to move on. I know that might sound a bit cool and cynical just when you may be wanting to really throw yourself back into your relationship but he's the one who needs to do the work here, not you.

Hope that didn't bring you down and I really do hope things work out for you all. x

Very best of luck Lydia, i dont think you're mad atall! You are doing this last go for your child's sake, good on you