I come from a small family. I used to be very close to my mum's brother (he's only six years older than me), so though he's my uncle, he was always more like a brother.
When I got married two years ago, my mum caused a lot of trouble. To cut the story short, she wasn't happy about not getting her own way over the arrangements. She started bad-mouthing me to my uncle, occasionally telling out and out lies to get him to side with her. Unfortunately, he believed her lies and he fell out with me before the wedding.
He did come to my wedding, but gave me dirty looks all day and left at 8pm (unlike him). He and his wife also did not give us a wedding present, which is also unlike them.
Last year, my mum decided she wanted to be friends with me. She admitted to me that she had told lies to my uncle, but refuses to believe that this is why he fell out with me (there's no other reason I can see). She promised me she would admit the same to my uncle. I doubt she ever had the courage to tell him she had been telling lies about me.
I have never seen or spoken to my uncle since I got married (May 2003) but have continued to send birthday cards to everyone in their house, presents for their children etc. They have continued to send me a birthday card (always late) but have always forgotten my dh's birthday
When I had my first child last month, my uncle and his wife completely ignored her birth. This is despite my husband and I having gone to inordinate lengths to make sure we celebrated the birthdays of all three of their children for the last 15 years. Most recently, their son turned 18, so we sent him a card with £50 in it.
I can kind of take their behaviour. I mean, I can rise above it, though I have decided that I've sent my last birthday card to their house, I think their behaviour is disgraceful.
What I can't take is my mother, who continues to act as though nothing has happened, is always telling me that she's been round to their house, despite the fact she apparently feels "upset" about them ignoring my daughter's birth. I've just come off the phone to her now - she's seen them today and was merrily telling me where they are going on their holidays next week.
Sometimes, I feel so angry with my mother I can barely speak to her. I feel uneasy leaving my daughter with her, knowing my uncle and his wife may pop in to have a look at the baby (who, obviously, they have never seen). I think they should come to see me if they want to see my baby.
How can I explain to my mum that her "disloyalty" makes me feel upset?