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Original poster

Am I a horrible cynic?

33 replies

whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 21:38

I don't believe in love.

Or at least I don't believe in unconditional love (unless for your DC) - as far as I can see most relationships involve romantic love, which quickly changes to anger and hate as soon as someone doesn't live up to your expectations - which really makes relationships a lot of hassle.

I seem to be the only person I know who is honestly happy being on their own, and really, really don't need someone to 'make me happy'.

I feel kind of liberated by it, or do you think I'm missing out?

OP posts:
msboogie · 16/07/2010 21:46

I don't believe in unconditional love (except maybe for babies)

but love in an adult relationship - of course it has conditions- fidelity if that's what has been agreed, respect, kindness and lots of other things.

It's not necessarily about living up to expectations so much, for me. You get to know someone (properly, mind, not just deluding yourself about them and totally ignoring the warning signs) and then you accept them for who they are.

And then you are happy (for however long it lasts).

Original poster
whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 21:54

that's true msboogie. I think the key thing is that sometimes it's not happily ever after, it's just for as long as it lasts.

I guess I'm just happy in my own space at the moment, and the thought of having someone else making demands of me, and trying to get me to make them happy just seems like a huge responsibility.

Why can't some people just be happy on their own? I've found out to late in some previous relationships that my role is apparently to make someone happy, that's a pretty big ask don't you think?

Some people seem to believe so much in 'love' and 'happily ever after' and finding 'the one' that the pressure to live up to it all is too much.

OP posts:
bananalover · 16/07/2010 22:03

i really envy you.
Would love to be on my own...sometimes think that DH is just another child who needs looking after.
Would be lovely to have no resposibilities apart from me and kids.
Don't have to make meat and veg every day....can just eat whatever we want...heaven.

Original poster
whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 22:05

tonight I'm watching Working Girl, with G&T, DS tucked up in bed. BLISS

OP posts:
msboogie · 16/07/2010 22:13

I think that people really, really should learn to be happy on their own.

I think you should not enter a relationship until you have learnt to be happy on your own.

and I think you will find that the women who believe in "happily ever after" and "finding the one" are more often than not the same women posting on here about monstrous blokes who treat them like shit but they can't leave because they haven't yet fully convinced themselves that their violent, cheating, lying arsewipe of a man isn't the one they convinced themselves he was when they fell in love with him.

Which is my long winded way of saying that you are right and they are wrong.

Original poster
whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 22:19

well, I've most definitely had my fair share of arseholes! Violent .. the works )

And what man would want to watch Working Girl??!

I think I'll have a second G&T

OP posts:
maristella · 16/07/2010 22:23

also someone once said that a happy, healthy relationship is like a glass sphere blowing in the wind: you both have to keep it afloat or it will smash, and if only one of you is keeping it afloat they will get tired out very quickly!
in so many relationships there seems to be a vast array of imbalances in which only one person seems to be keeping the relationship afloat, or will only keep it afloat if the circumstances are right for them.

was i too metaphorical there?
or too far on a little tangent?

Original poster
whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 22:26

maristella,

are you drinking G&T as well?

Get what you mean though, lots of relationships not equal really.

OP posts:
maristella · 16/07/2010 22:30

cider
i share your cynicism in that in so many of the men i meet i have serious doubts in their maturity levels and/or ability to keep a relationship 'afloat'

Original poster
whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 22:33

Cider? Brilliant!

my last relationship, the guy told me he had all his ducks in a row and all he needed was a girlfriend and he'd be happy ....

why oh why didn't I start running away then.

he told me three weeks after we'd been going out that he was very disappointed in me because I hadn't made enough of an effort.

Doh

Oh well ...

OP posts:
msboogie · 16/07/2010 22:48

red wine here.

y'see I think a woman who had learnt to be properly happy on her own would have set off running as soon as he'd uttered the wankerish phrase about "having all his ducks in a row".

You won't make that mistake again OP!

Original poster
whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 22:52

yeah - I learnt to be happy on my own after that not before!

I was definitely someone who needed to be with someone else, took a bit of counselling and a few false starts to realise that at the end of the day we're on a ball of rock in the middle of space, and in all reality relationships are just a social fabrication ....

  • that's the G&T talking ....
OP posts:
msboogie · 16/07/2010 22:56

oh me too wtcwt, I spent a long time leapfrogging from loser to tosser to wastrel, sadly...

the G&T speaks sense!

JaynieB · 16/07/2010 23:00

Bananalover - are you me?

Original poster
whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 23:02

msboogie - don't you feel liberated?

I feel really free and like there's infinite possibilities ....

OP posts:
msboogie · 16/07/2010 23:12

I was liberated.

Then I got independent.

Then I met my current DP.

And now I am happy. I am happy to make him happy and vice versa.

But I was 36 before this happened.

bananalover · 16/07/2010 23:16

jaynieB...don't tell me, I am living your life, right?

Original poster
whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 23:18

yeah i kind of mean liberated from social convention, nt just relationships. as in, it's possible to do whatever you fancy. run round naked, not give a shit what people think,

hmmm

another G&T i think

OP posts:
JaynieB · 16/07/2010 23:19

DP is a fussy chap about food (but also a v good cook and does most of the cooking) but there's lots of things I like that he doesn't - like barbeques, Sunday dinner, quiche (I could go on) but he always has to have MEAT.
I'm also fed up with the constant tidying up.
Are we living parallel lives? (I bet there are many of us in this plane of existence).

bananalover · 16/07/2010 23:21

I can't get over the fact that some men actually do any cooking...at all.

msboogie · 16/07/2010 23:21

oh, social convention can fuck right off!

JaynieB · 16/07/2010 23:24

There are two separate chats going on here
I'm off to bed. G'night banana.

Original poster
whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 23:24

with you there msboogie

not that i have run around naked yet but it's on my bucket list ...

my friends think my lifestyle is disfunctional, i prefer to think of it as alternative

OP posts:
Original poster
whatthecrocodilehatwasthat · 16/07/2010 23:26

dysfunctional?

g&t effecting spelling

OP posts:
msboogie · 16/07/2010 23:28

its NOT dysfunctional (how very dare they!) but it might be alternative (alternative to settling for shit!)

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