Long-distance relationships -any success stories?

[dowthorpe]

Are long-distance relationships (hundreds of miles away) possible when you have very young children (not at school age yet)?

Who should do the travelling? (Only one has a car) - should the other then contribute to those travel costs?

Trust issues - how do they impact?

Is it ultimately just better to move in with the other person?

My general advice is that it can work if the long-distance part is for a set period of time. Would this be permanent arrangement or temporary?

We have done it but only for a year.
We shared all costs (this was pre marriage) and had no trust issues at all but we had been going out for 5 years already.

Is this a new partner?

Message deleted

Long term permanent. Cant move closer because children are settled where I live and he has other committments.

Ok understood, I have no experience of that situation. Best of luck with it though.

We didn't have children at the time, but I had a successful long-distance relationship. (Now) DH was living in East Anglia and I was living in Minnesota, USA, when we met. Met here in the Thames Valley, got on, fancied each other, saw each other again before I left the UK, kept chatting/emailing/calling/writing after I went back to the US. Started making plans for visits. Took it in turns visiting each other, but that's just the way it worked out, it wasn't planned that we'd alternate visits. Thirteen months to the day after we met we got engaged. Thirteen months to the day we got engaged we got married. In two weeks we'll be together seven years, we've been married almost five years and have DS who's 8.5 months.

It's hard work, can get expensive and is sometimes lonely, but it's definitely doable if you have a lot of faith/trust in the other person and in your relationship. I wouldn't trade DP for the world!

(Oh, and BTW, we didn't actually live in proximity to each other until the wedding. I moved over to the UK six weeks before the wedding and he was (temporarily) living in California for work and didn't come home until three days before the wedding.)

I am in a long term long distance relationship and we don't have any plans to move in together.

We live about 2 hours away from each other and have been together about 3 years.

We both enjoy our time apart from each other and our time together. From my point of view I get to see friends during the week, stay late at work if needed or simply slob around in my PJs. At the weekend I make sure I am feeling sexy (legs shaved etc!) and we go out for meals, to shows etc.

For me its the best of both worlds. We are lucky in that we both earn decent money so have never needed to live together, if you see what I mean.

He travels to me all the time as I have cats who can't be left alone for a whole weekend. Also 'our' friends started off as 'my' friends so our whole social life is here. His mates at his are more blokes watching footie down the pub types, which isn't my thing.

Things have changed recently in that I am expecting our first child in December. He has bought a house (and will be paying mortgage) for me and little 'un to live in, so I can afford to take a long maternity leave and work part time after that. And yes, little 'un was planned - a lot of people can't believe that!

I reserve the right to change my mind in the future, but for now the plan is we carry on as we are. Its only like having someone who works away all week. I have some great friends who live nearby.

We still get to see each other when we want, but keep our lives seperate to a degree. Baby will know and see Daddy regularly too.

In the past I have worried that it would be far too easy for him to have someone on the side. But I reasoned to myself that I haven't felt the need to stray and we talk every night and see each other most weekends - and what other girl would put up with that? Its really not an issue for me any more.

In the past I have also worried about not having a 'traditional marriage, two kids and a dog' life. I have worried that I am missing out somehow. But again, I like not having to compromise, I like my own space, I like not picking up after a man, etc etc. So thats fine that I miss out on a tradtional life to have something that suits me better.

Loads of people have a non traditional family now, and as long as this works for us and for little 'un then that works for me!

I know my situation is unusual, but hopefully hearing my experiences will help oyu make up your mind.

We did it for four years pre-dc. It can be done.

I have had 2 LDR in the past 4 years or so.

The first one was for 2.5 years and altho we adored each other his financial situation got so bad (which he kept me in the dark about) he sometimes didn't have the money to gt to see me. It took it's toll and I put a stop to it. I'm talking 2 hours train ride away.

Second LDR just took a turn for the worse as he's started a new job, I have a young daughter that I can't leave so easily and we didn't see each other for the 5th weekend. I was supposed to go there this weekend but I am working so can't and had to cancel. This has put strain on both of us and to be honest I think it is petering away. Not that I am particularly bothered.

Still kept in friendly contact with first LDR and he wants to visit but I suppose I am a little afraid of it. He had my heart and I don't like feeling vulnerable and exposed emotionally. I think this is why I go in for these LDR's. Some have said it on here too about me and I have come to admit that. 'I go for unavailable men'

Most important thing is to visit whenever possible. Trust is important and it can do your head in if you start pondering and fretting and not believing. It can work as some have said and my first LDR would still be kicking along if it hadn't been for the fact that he was afraid to admit his circumstances.

We've kept in contact all through but I sort of backed out of it as I felt as if he was trying to give me the impression he was something he wasn't. I must admit I met him a few weeks ago and he is still up for giving it a second chance. I am just biding my time and thinking whether this works for me or not. I like to have someone to hang out with at weekends and if you can't to do that at least every other weekend then it gets a bit hard. But like many have said on here, it can work, and works 'best' for some.

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