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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

help for my alcoholic dad?

3 replies

KarinG · 15/07/2010 12:57

Really, i know the answer to my question, but i just wanted to garner other people's opinion just in case someone had some wise words to say!
My dad has been an alcoholic for at least 20 years (probably more, but he always hid it well). Not the getting totally bladdered every day type, but the 'low level' drinking throughout the day/night which he covered up well, with the occassional period where he would binge drink (normally going on for a few weeks or months). There could be years between the binges. He never sought professional help, despite our pleas, and to be honest it was probably easier for us to believe that he was suddenly ok. Anyway, as far as i know he hadn't had a binge for a few years, but then my mum died after a short illness a couple of months ago. We were all expecting my dad would start bingeing again, and low and behold he has. He is alone in their house, has access to a car and me and my siblings have our own families and none of us live that near. He doesnt really have any friends.
He keeps saying 'sorry' and that he will sort himself out, without help. We insist that he cant. But he wont seek any help and we cant force him to (i know only he can help himself).
So, after a rather long winded message, is he fooling himself into thinking he can control his drinking and 'stop' by himself(or stop to a level that he thinks we wont detect)? How can i make him see sense (i suspect that i cant).

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/07/2010 13:09

Karin

He is deluding himself if he thinks he can control his drinking; this is the denial talking here.

You cannot make him see sense if he does not want to hear your message.

If you have not already contacted Al-anon they could well help you personally. They are helpful at working with family members of problem drinkers. Will put up their details for you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/07/2010 13:10

Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street, London SE1 4YF

Confidential Helpline 020 7403 0888
(Helpline available 10 am - 10 pm, 365 days a year)

KarinG · 15/07/2010 13:11

Thanks Attila, you are just confirming what i already know (but was secretly hoping wasnt true!).

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