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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

come translate for me please.

18 replies

thesunshinesbrightly · 14/07/2010 23:24

My ex was abusive, i now have a fairly new partner,who worries if he is anything like my ex.

what's it mean if anything?

OP posts:

loopyloops · 14/07/2010 23:25

Means he's caring.

SenoraPostrophe · 14/07/2010 23:27

what did he actually say? he might be just worrying that you think he is like your ex (which lots of people who've had abusive relationships do with new partners)

secunda · 14/07/2010 23:28

ask him what it means - we can't read his mind

Original poster

thesunshinesbrightly · 14/07/2010 23:39

Loopyloops - I reckon so.

SenoraPostrophe - He keep's trying to reasure me he is not like him. i can't really pin point one thing(my mind has gone blank) but my current partner is protective and if he hurt's me(not on purpose) he will keep apologising saying he is nothing like my ex.

But is he trying to reasure himslef or is he just caring?

OP posts:

SenoraPostrophe · 14/07/2010 23:40

he's either caring, or jsut worrying that you'll think he's like your ex and dump him.

Original poster

thesunshinesbrightly · 14/07/2010 23:47

No he is really caring, loving he is wonderful, loves to please, buys me gifts,he would do anything for me. Sometimes i wonder though - is he to good too be true.

OP posts:

ItsGraceActually · 15/07/2010 00:08

When you were with your ex, did you keep thinking you should change? Was he always telling you what was wrong with you or how to improve? Were there always reasons why you couldn't do what you wanted or needed to do? Was it hard to understand what pissed him off, or why it did? Did it annoy him when you couldn't understand?

You don't need to worry unless that starts up again. Most people are nice, remember!

Kat1976 · 15/07/2010 00:41

Hes trying to be nice, stop being mental

LittleMissHissyFit · 15/07/2010 08:22

My sister had an abusive ex, her next relationship lasted over 10 years and he was similar to your DP.

MOST men aren't like your Ex.. honestly!

My sister used to flinch if her (subsequent non-abusive) DP came too close to her too quickly, I'm sure there are a lot of little idiosyncrasies that you have that are due to the abuse you suffered. Your boyfriend is seeing these things and it's understandably upsetting for him to see someone he loves has suffered.

Relax sunshine, it'll be OK, this is your Karma, this is the kind of person you deserve... a normal, caring and considerate man. Enjoy!

Original poster

thesunshinesbrightly · 15/07/2010 14:03

Thank you all.

It's just me isn't it being paranoid.

LMHF - yes spot on he say's i flinch but i don't think i do then he reasures me again he is not like my ex.

You have made me feel loads better. Thank you all

OP posts:

lazarusb · 15/07/2010 16:10

This happened to me. My (now dh) was so lovely and I did everything I could to provoke him and push his buttons to see if he would hit me or walk away. He never did. He is the nicest, most loving person i have ever met. There are nice men out there- glad you've found one!

Original poster

thesunshinesbrightly · 15/07/2010 16:18

lazarusb - That is what i don't get, why is he so nice? he is really unbelievable not like anyone i have met before.

Thankyou.Glad you got your happy ending to.

OP posts:

iamfabregasted · 15/07/2010 16:26

thesunshinesbrightly - are you me in disguise?

My new DP gets so much angst from me its not true.

He has the patience of a saint.

And I keep asking myself why me? he could have anyone he wanted, why me?

Until some people on here come along and knock some sense into me.

lazarusb · 15/07/2010 17:26

We have spent so long being treated so badly that we don't think we are worthy of anyone nice. But they are just normal- this is how a good, loving and respectful relationship feels. We deserve it. I didn't believe that for a long time but I do now. It has done wonders for my confidence, I do things now that I wouldn't have been brave enough to do then.
You are special and wonderful and deserve every little bit of happiness you are getting now. ENJOY IT! x

Original poster

thesunshinesbrightly · 15/07/2010 17:53

iamfabregasted - Could very well be. Totally agree with you. Exactly,why me? My OH is gorgeous but he just seem's to perfect.
Suppose i'm not helping myslef by waiting for something to go wrong.

lazarusb - Thank you, your post nearly made me cry. yes, it has done wonder's for my confidence to but just can't understand why he would love me as much as he does

OP posts:

sowhatis · 15/07/2010 17:55

what do you mean, "when he hurts you - but doesnt mean to" ???

if he hurts you and then sstates he is not like your ex then it sounds to me he is.

Original poster

thesunshinesbrightly · 15/07/2010 18:02

Thing's like accidently treading on my toe or tickling and i go 'ouch'he will keep apologising over and over again. Not anything bad.

OP posts:

sowhatis · 15/07/2010 21:49

got you ok, sounds like he is a bit 'needy' but not abusive.

Flip