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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I the most guillible idiot ever?

21 replies

SpiritualKnot · 14/07/2010 22:16

Posted on here quite a lot re the break up of my 19 yr marriage.H left for OW (despite initial denials of her)and we're getting divorced. Happened end March.

Couple of things happened recently. He spoke with a very good friend of mine, he must know she knows everything, he know I visit her 3 or 4 times a week. Tells her it was mutual (it wasn't and he didn't mention OW to my friend), that he thinks I'm doing fine (not really), he's giving me everything (What about the £20K I'm giving him?) and that I used to go on holidays without him (I begged and begged him, but he'd never come , so had to go on my own with the kids). What hurt most was the holiday thing, that he's turned it round saying that I used to go without him, when he knows that was the last thing I wanted.

So annoyed that he's saying these things to people and I think he's convinced himself they're true.

He was going to take 11yr old dd to France to visit some family he has over there. Lent him lots of things to take, cooker, electric cables, sleeping bags etc, so they could camp etc on the way. Then dd tells me a few weeks ago she's not going anymore. Asked him today if he was going alone, no, he's going with OW.

Am I the most guillible and stupid idiot that ever walked this planet? He said he was going with dd to get the stuff off me, but that was never the plan. How dare he have the audacity to go on holiday with this OW when he would never come with us!! She obviously feels he needs a holiday coz his horrible ex wife would never let him go with her.

Scuse the rant,,,just feeling so pissed off.

OP posts:
HeywoodJablome · 14/07/2010 22:28

You're not guillible.

He's a fucker.

Yika · 14/07/2010 22:30

Urgh. Rant away, he sounds horrible!

You sound kind, trusting, forgiving. Much better to be those things and end up occasionally being conned into situations than to be cynical or vengeful.

I hope you find someone really nice instead!

ninah · 14/07/2010 22:34

I know it sounds petty but I'd get your stuff back and let him buy his own
I would be mega mad too
my ex told everyone we were living separate lives and I was an alcoholic (told them this in the pub while I was pregant and on the odd ginger beer at home)

Gigantaur · 14/07/2010 22:37

tell him that as he isn't taking DD anymore you are so you need the things back.

you should be Soo glad he is out of your life

AnyFucker · 14/07/2010 22:38

Shirley, I love your kick-ass attitude on here

now fgs, start applying it to this cockhead

BelleDameSansMerci · 14/07/2010 22:39

Yes, definitely get your stuff back (or knock the value off the £20 even if it's only £20). Fucker!

Bloody selfish up his own backside smug fuckwit, in fact.

And you are not gullible. You believed him because you wanted to believe that he would treat your DD with some love and consideration. Total, total Tosser.

Sorry, just fuming on your behalf.

BelleDameSansMerci · 14/07/2010 22:40

Sorry, knock the value off the £20k...!

SpiritualKnot · 14/07/2010 22:42

Thanks for the replies. He's such a wanker, can't believe I never realised for all those years.

I don't want to ask him for the stuff back.It'll just give him more nasty things to say about me....though he's probably told her it's all his stuff anyway.

She'll have a lovely holiday with him I'm sure. He'll get pissed every night and could be a real pain. Wonder how it'll pan out?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/07/2010 22:43

sorry, I meant SK, not shirley

SpiritualKnot · 14/07/2010 22:46

That's ok AF!

He'll be giving me the stuff back on his return. I'll chuck out the sleeping bags though. Don't want their soiled goods around the place.

OP posts:
SpiritualKnot · 14/07/2010 22:55

But I am guillible.I spent days on here stating that my H didn't have an OW, helping him buy furniture, driving round with him looking for somewhere for him to live. I have to stop trusting this man, he is no longer the person he was.

It would be no surprise to me at all, if a space ship landed on our lawn tonight and aliens returned my husband and said the man I thought was my husband was from another planet and they were there to swap him back again.

Yet I know the change has been gradual really, happened over several years...this affair was just what he'd been waiting for so he could finally go from one secure situation to a new secure situation. So weak, he couldn't go it alone for even a few months.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/07/2010 22:58

pathetic isn't he

SpiritualKnot · 14/07/2010 23:00

Yep!

OP posts:
PortiaNovmerriment · 14/07/2010 23:00

He sounds an utter twat, SK. I would ask for the stuff back too, fwiw.

AnyFucker · 14/07/2010 23:01

you are right, though

you have to stop relating to him as if he is still the person you married

he is not

iamfabregasted · 14/07/2010 23:03

He's a knob and a dickhead and a fuckwit.

But long runs the fox. What goes around comes around.

Karma will bite him on the arse, just you wait and see.

helicopterview · 14/07/2010 23:09

I hope it rains and rains and the tent leaks.

msboogie · 14/07/2010 23:24

"he is no longer the person he was".

He is though, he just stopped bothering to hide it.

If you think about it, the fact that he has to lie to himself and your friends about the reality of the situation means that he knows how much of a shit he has been but he doesn't want anyone else to know.

Imagine being so embarrassed at your own behaviour that you had to delude yourself and everyone else about it?

And the OW - well, she's hardly got herself a catch has she? - knowing what we now know about him...

shongololo · 15/07/2010 08:08

just tell him as he is no longer taking dd away, you will be needing all your stuff back so you can take DD away. And as he has left everything to the last minute, you'll be deducting the cost of your holiday from te "20 because of the inconvinience of having to arrange leave to cover childcare for her.

Stop being Mrs Nice. hes a tosser

Anniegetyourgun · 15/07/2010 08:42

You don't really think he'll stop saying horrible things about you just because you let him borrow your camping stuff, do you? Besides, it does not matter what he thinks about you. You don't have to live with him any more. It only matters what the court thinks is reasonable. You refusing to lend him some camping gear is not going to weigh with them in the slightest.

If you don't want to demand it back at this late stage, insist on a deposit to cover the cost of anything you don't get back.

Yika · 15/07/2010 19:20

I wouldn't bother asking for the stuff back - you'll only feel bad if he refuses. Just rise above it. Hold your head high. You're the one with all the dignity here.

Apart from that, I agree with everything said so far and it made me laugh about the aliens!

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