I'm not sure where to start with this one but I really do need to get some perspective here.
The friend I'm referring to is someone I have known for a long, long time (20 plus years) and whom I love dearly. She is a kind and thoughtful person who has given me a great deal of support over the years. We don't live close by but I would say she is probably my best friend and really, I would do just about anything to help her.
She lives some distance away from me so unfortunately we don't see each other too often, maybe 2-3 times a year. Nevertheless we are very close (bear with me - there is a point to this). Please also bear in mind I can't give too many details out as this could identify people involved.
I'm incredibly worried about her at the moment - she is under a huge amount stress and in quite a lot of pain. She has an ongoing health issue which she is due to undergo an operation for in the near future. She is being mucked about with dates and so on which really isn't helping.
She is also suffering from depression and finds her job very stressful and difficult. There are other issues which I really can't put on here as they would make her identifiable.
The crux of the problem here however is (unfortunately) to do with men. Well, one in particular. Now - she has always wanted to meet someone she could settle down with but never has. Now she has met a decent bloke who seems to want to stick around. I'll call him Mr A. Unfortunately, there is someone else lurking who is basically a nasty, manipulative piece of work (IMO). Mr B. She has issues around rejection - haven't we all, I hear you say - but she has alwyas taken it particularly badly.
Whenever she splits up with someone she is (using her own words) suicidal, just can't cope, can't bear it. That just sounds unbearably sad doesn't it? I can't tell you how many times I have heard this over the years and it's very draining. Nothing ever changes and I'm just about at my wits end with it really.
What has prompted me posting here today is that I am sorry to say that it seems to me like she is obsessed with this idiot (Mr B) despite the relationship with Mr A.
The latest development is that Mr B has made a big announcement and she's started with the 'suicidal' stuff again. She is also worried and stressed because Mr A wants to split up. I really, really don't want to be unkind because I know how terrible she is feeling but part of me wants to say to her - well are you bloody suprised with the way you are treating him?
Now I know people will say why don't you talk to her - I have tried, I really have. We have talked and talked. I don't want to launch in with a big speech or lecture because that would be me venting my frustrations and I don't think it would be helpful to her when she's in such a bad way.
Essentially I just do not know what to do for the best really. I want to help but it feels like we are going round in circles and nothing ever changes.
Thanks for reading through that, if you made it. Any advice welcome.