About a year ago (some of you may remember as I called him Mr. McD) I finished a relationship with a man I had been seeing over the past 2.5 years. There was never any doubt about our feelings for each other, but his working life was in a big slump, financially he was finding it very hard and altho I knew about this, he kept a lot of the 'realities' of this situation away from me. For example, the fact that he was now reduced to living in a shared house, couldn't use his car, top up phone etc, didn't always have the means to travel to me on the train etc etc. Due to this he had all the excuses in the world as to why he kept letting me down. In the end I got insecure about us, worried and in the dark, thinking all sorts about him, I dumped him. I did this in a mature way, explained all and we parted as friends. We kept in touch over the year, now and then a phone call just to chat. He continually said he still loved me and was sorry about everything.
A couple of months after parting I met a new man. Decided to just take it slow and altho he was at that time out of work, we managed to meet about every other weekend. (These are both LDR's by the way (about 2 hours travel)).
New man very enthusiastic and 'into chatting a lot', very open and easy to read, went to his place, and he to mine. My teenage DD was not struck on him and still isn't for some reason she thinks 'he's a drama queen' type . New man knows I still chat now and then and have remained in friendly contact with the previous man. I also told previous man I have a new man in my life.
A year into the relationship with the new man who eventually found a job etc, working a lot of hours etc, and I haven't seen him for the last month due to various 'other commitments'. I also work but schedule weekends with him as a priority when it works out on both our sides. We have sort of dwindled a bit and it's mostly phone calls. He calls every evening and is sweet as pie. But, again, I am left most of the time 'virtual boyfriend'.
I am not stamping my foot here like a spoiled brat, but I have gotten into the situation again where I'm in this relationship, yet not. I feel strung along and 'something there when he has the time'.
The inevitable happened. I had to meet previous man to change a phone contract and get it turned over to him to his account. This was two weeks ago.
It was friendly and we talked about what had been going on etc - about how he's sorry he messed up and all the reasons why and how life was on a downward spiral then and now it's all fallen back into place and he's doing just fine now 'and it's a shame we aren't together now when things are good'. I had no problem with him then, even tried to help as best I could, didn't mind the fact that things were making him 'look like he was a looser' as he used to imply. I never thought that about him. He just clammed up back then and didn't deal with it very well.
My heart was racing when I saw him and I suddenly felt overcome with emotions. It occurred to me that I was really still in love with him and had just been trying to master things best I could over the last year. And there he was, asking me if we were really beyond redemption and he still loved me and had never stopped loving me. It was very emotional. We sat opposite each other with these stupid phone contracts, all official etc. I am not into two timing and playing around and we parted very on that sadly and went off back to our trains.
I haven't been the same since. I feel bad about the new guy and yet really I've not been over the moon about him and I have a feeling it's mutual. He's been more of a companion really and altho he's good fun there's no spark there.
I'm no kid, into my early fifties. I have my daughter to consider, as well. Looks a bit bad switching back and forth like that and I can't say anything to anyone about it all as it seems so unkind and fickle.
I am due to go to the new man this weekend, merely a Saturday night come back Sunday thing and I really can't be bothered. I feel I'd rather sit and 'dream' about the other one (which is silly). I know he'd be here at the drop of a hat and he told me so. Just feel very heavy hearted about the new guy and don't know how to go about any of this.
Have to go out on a work call but will be back in an hour or so.