Am I too needy?

[Fizzlemum]

I'm a very independent person in every area of my life, but I can't understand why I feel so clingy and needy when it comes to my DH. He's not very demonstrative and doesn't bother any more to show me that he values me, and I find that I'm dwelling on this all of the time even though we are bumping along quite well in our marriage, but we've stopped making time for each other to have evenings out, etc. Is it childish of me at 43 years old to crave more? DH is a good hubby in every way except he doesn't seem to feel the need to show me that he cares and doesn't tell me that he loves me. He's not a good communicator and if I try to push him it makes him worse. I feel like an emotional wimp! Do I just need to grow up a bit?!

You don't sound needy to me. You just sound like a very normal woman who would like her partner to be more demonstrative in his affections. It's not childish at all!

Can you go out on dates at all? Why don't you agree that one Saturday a month you'll take it in turns to book a restaurant and org. childcare? That way each of you is taking responsibility for the night out in turn and investing in your relationship.

Get a bit squiffy on your night out and perhaps he'll warm up a bit.

Is it something you could tease him about or jolly him along about? "Ooh, you cold fish. Come here for a hug whether you like it or not."

I don't know. I'm not very good at giving advice but I definitely don't think you're immature about wanting affection and demonstrations of his love for you. Actions are very important.

"we've stopped making time for each other..."

Joint responsibility there. Make time! Invite him to join you in finding some of what's hiding.

BTW, if he's not a good communicator, the chances are that he's the emotional wimp, rather than you. Reassure before you talk, then go for it, without casting blame or accusations.

You're right, we should make more of an effort to go out together, when we do (haven't been out since February!) it's great, we chat like old times and really enjoy ourselves. I'm at home all day as I work from home and I think I'm becoming institutionalised with no stimulation outside of being a mum and wife. Good advice too, about the hugs whether he wants it or not...as I'm not prepared to give up completely on outward signs of affection, I do grab him and hug him - he likes being shown affection but just isn't great at giving it. We all have our issues, and his parents' marriage is a living nightmare which I think must have affected him. It just feels as though I'm always pushing and he's always pulling away in the other direction.

Then you might have to develop a thicker skin and ignore his pulling away. Keep on giving the affection. Make it normal and perhaps he'll start to respond in the way you want. I hope so anyway.

I feel idiotic and self-indulgent after having a read through some of the major traumas people are experiencing, posted on here. Thanks for the advice, it's made me realise I shouldn't be sitting around naval-gazing!

Your problem isn't navel gazing at all!