if your partner chats unknown to you on dating sites is this betrayal

[mopsera]

if you found ur partner had been chatting to women online/ msm lots of them and had a dating profile saying 'single/ looking' but said it was only to chat to women as he is lonely; sneaks off to chat to them at night ; and doesnt tell you he's doing it...would you feel betrayed or think oh well let him has his fun as long as he doesnt do anything....? where is the line? why do i feel threatened and betrayed?

I would be absolutely FUMING and questioning my relationship with him!

Is this the same bloke who tells you that he still loves his ex and who goes and spends days at a time with her?

I assumed that you two were supposed to be in a monogamous relationship but that may not be the case, of course.

If he said to you "look, I like you but I am not willing to enter into a monogamous relationship. I will be seeing other people" then you choose whether to get into that relationship or not. If it's not working for you, then tell him. He'll either agree to be with you only, or he'll say no thanks. And you'll have to part company.

But if he's pretending that you and he are in a monogamous relationship then wake up love! He's not playing by those rules!

You want to be loved? You're not loved by him. You want to be valued? You're not valued by him. So if you're staying with him it's just so you have a body in your life so that you can pretend - to yourself? to other people? that the person you have grabbed hold of with both hands actually loves you.

But look closer and you'll see you have nothing in your hands. Not really.

Mops,

I'm new here, but had to say something to you, it won't be long before he arranges to meet these women, believe me when I say this, I've been in this situation, and he has no respect for you at all, you really need to listen to what everyone has said and leave.

Just e-mailing, texting etc is never enough for them, and he will take it to the next step before long.

Hold your head high and walk away. He needs you more than you need him. You are not doing yourself and dc any favours.

Yes I would and I think you should leave him basically.

thanks, espec. to 'skinnymalinki ,brittanybeers and whatifihadneverbothered'...that was all really helpful...

i guess i do think his ex ( and yes, me too ) are doormats, i was shocked when she said it was ok and that he is faithful.i think she bends over back wards for men.

i too fear that he will ultimatley want to meet up with these women or that one will attract him; i did find a text when i was preg.asking a woman who lived nr his ex to meet for a coffee!unbelievable.;

he's on plentyoffish; and i had been able to read some emails but he has blocked them now! i should have been more sneaky! i feel like a mad obsessive stalker but i have to know whats going on.i did confront him and had a big row about it telling him how it felt to me.

yes i think it could be an addiction i didnt think of it like that; he is also a bit compulsive with alcohol but keeps it mainly in check..well, to some degree.( he is a total wanker when he's pissed )

he is also very controlling ..esp with money

ring any bells with anyone?

and yes i agree i need to 'test' him and often want to dissapear with baby for a week to let him stew.

right, so he winds you up by BOTH disparaging ageing women (we'll all be 60 one day) AND betraying your trust while sitting in the same room as you, and you want to wind him up by playing games, 'disappearing' with your baby.

I can understand that you want to regain some power in this relationship, but quite honestly, this sounds like a nightmare. Couldn't you just say to him that you really don't want to live like this?

he would be gone.

he is not single and telling people he is is a lie. why is he lying? because he wants the people he is talking to to think he is available for a relationship. why? because he wants to have a relationship with them (be that sex or a longterm thing).

get rid.