Will our marriage survive?

[crazyforniamh]

Hi all, just feeling low and needed to talk. We have a 4 month old girl and she's brilliant! But I need time to be just me, the girl my husband loves (?) and not a mummy. I have an offer of a sitter for a day on Saturday and I told me hubby or this today saying we could spend some time together just us two and he replied "yeah if you want" so I asked if HE wanted to and he repled "I'm not bothered but I'm happy to if you want to" Am I being paranoid or over sensitive here as I am really upset that he didn't get the least bit excited. We've not had sex or even a proper snog since our baby came along and I take some responsibility for that as I had a LOT of tearing and I've been a bit scared of anything going on down there !!
Feeling really low and unloved and I just feel totally unwanted. I'm going out for dinner on my own with a friend tonight which is just as well as I need to get myself together. Any advice out there?

Everybody goes through this and its fair to say that your chap should be a bit more loving.

You both need to make an effort in and outside of the house if you can. It is possible to be you and a mum as well.

If you get time, spend some time on you too. New haircut, treat yourself to something nice.

Sit and talk to him about getting things back on track in the bedroom but takie slowly don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with.

Oh love - I can't say if you are being paranoid or over-sensitive. It depends if he's the sort to accidentally put his foot in his mouth normally! Maybe he couldn't summon more enthusiasm because he's tired, or maybe even nervous. Assuming it's your first baby, it does bring about such big changes.

Re the tearing - I had 2nd degree tearing and didn't get round to penetrative sex for months. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I think all you can aim to do is to have a relaxing day, a nice meal, snuggle up and watch a romantic film and see how it goes.

I hope that your DH is pulling his weight in the house and with the baby.

Hi,
Thanks for the replies. I talked it out with DH last night and it turns out he just didn't want to leave DD with somebody else as he wants to be with her more. He had a tough time after she was first born as he felt he wasn't able to calm her and bond with her like he wanted and at about 2 months he turned a corner and now has her giggling and playing and settling and feeding really easily. It's so lovely to see and helps me out in the evenings loads. I told him I felt like he didn't want to spend time with me and he was really sorry for not explaining himself properly - typical man!
We are going to leave DD with my brother and his wife for the afternoon and go for a nice lunch and have a wander in our local park. Cant wait to have a meal with both hands!
Re the initimacy he was scared to bring it up incase I felt he didn't understand I was nervous. So glad I had time out with my friend last night to calm down and give us some space.

Well - your DH sounds great. Just keep talking to each other about the little niggles that inevitably come up when you have a small baby, before they get too big. And be kind to each other.

Have a lovely day

Some of the problems with relationships is lack of communication, trust and unresolved issues. I think if that people truly love eachother then things can be worked out using these three things. Talking and sorting out un-resloved issues. Also in your case, I believe a lack of confidenc and self esteem is the problem. Perfectly normal after having a baby.

Enjoy your time!!