My Husbands Deluded Ex-Wife

[freedom2010]

Where do I start,

Me and my husband have been togther for 10 years & married for 5. We have three beautiful boys two of which are my step-sons and my little boy who is three.

My husband was married before, when I met him he was going through a terrible divorce his wife then had an affair with another man and moved him in to their family home whilst her husband was away on a business trip. He came home to find his belongings in a bin liner and had to move back to his parents and leave his two boys behind.

Since the split his ex-wife has been a complete bi*&h, demanding money telling us when we see the children, assaulting me in front of her own children, keeping the children away from us over the christmas period for two months, we had to fight through court to see them and paid thousands of pounds to do this.

The boys are older now and although we have quiet periods, she will start to cause trouble when things dont go her way.

The eldest has been given a mobile phone by her and she will ring him and text him all the time when he is with us just to find out what we are doing that day, She knows the in's & outs of everything we do.

She makes my blood boil we dont have a life as she is always interfearing, I would not mind but she was the one who left the marriage. She has re-married and has two other children.

I know she has a big problem with me, she will try her best to destroy any kind of relationship that I build up with the boy's. Im not there to replace her, but while they are spending time with us as we need a good relationship to make our family work.

She is driving me crazy with all the silly little stunts she keeps playing. How do I deal with this nut job of a woman.

Any advice on how other women deal with this sort of thing would be most appreciated.

So I suppose you think you are a much better mother to her children than she is? And that she actually doesn't deserve her own children... being common and not suitable friend material for you.

At least she is allowing you to have them. She could have been a lot worse and just made you go back again and again and again to court for access orders or she could have made up some lies about your now-husband to land him in hot water.

It's horrid to hear you both slating your dsdc's mother in this way - she is not ruining your marriage, as you have agreed, after all is she?

Smug smug.

I think you are commenting on the wrong thread Unlikelyamazonian.

I can only imagine that you are an ex -wife who has nothing better to do with her time than think up silly little stunts to annoy your ex H and his new wife.

Smug Smug

See? You are not nice. You jump straight in with a nasty comment.

I don't think you would be suitable friend material for me.

FWIW I was a despairing step-mother to 2 girls for seven years to a hateful ex-partner. But she was their mother and she was doing a very good job raising her children as a lone parent.

And your H's exP was entitled to leave her marriage, marry again and have more children. Just as you have done.

I hope you do not transmit the superior attitude you have to your dsdc's own mother, to them.

It's laughable to think btw, that I spend my time thinking up silly stunts to annoy my ex-h and his new wife.

I might do if I knew where in the world he was though!

Unlikelyamazonian, If you would like to read back through all the threads then come back to me.

You dont know me on a personal level and at the end of it all I asked how other women deal with this situation.

You also dont know the ex-wife and what kind of a person she is.

You can make your own mind up about me! but I know what I stand for.

I am saying that you speak about their mother in a strongly derisory tone. A smug I-am-better-than-her tone.

I am sure she is bloody awful. Ex-wives/husbands are often hell to deal with.

But she is their mother and you are not.

She must have some redeeming features - after all, your Husband married her and had 2 children with her.

You have called her a nut-job and a bitch. Neither term is decent. She has issues yes. But you should not use such horrid terms.

Yes she is their mother and I have never taken that away from her or replaced her in anyway.

As for the few odd name calling this just me having a rant rather than aming it at her or her children.

I could have used other words to describe but did not.

I am sure she has a few choice words to describe me, but that is life!

Hey freedom-when you land in Talk:
Go to Topics
-Being a parent
-Step-Parenting...

unlikely-

New wives against ex-bitches unite eh Pegs?

What's with the ?

You just don't like it that the ex nut-job bitch isn't being given a uniform battering?

I can kind of see your point unlikely- not that I'm having a go at you freedom but my mum was labelled "the crazy ex wife" and while I look back on how she behaved at times when I was little and cringe for her I also know there are 2 sides to everything, and my dad simply knew how to get under her skin. Unfortunately she let him. Neither of them were saints.

Ive never had an ex husband I've ever been the new wife, I've only ever been the child stuck in the middle, and whether you admit it or not your DSS's know what you think of their mum.

Also hoenstguv, my younger half sis and half brother have never been sidelined for me and my older DSis- Other way round entirely and IME it usually is.

I think your very right prozacfairy, with regards to there are two sides to everything and no one is perfect.

The children have never asked for any of this and they have been put in a horrible position, I will always care for them and love them we treat all of our son's the same and never make out that they are different from one another.

Like I have said previously I will never bad mouth their mother in front of the children, I have respect for them and myself.

I will always do what is right by them im not the monster in all this.

My DH has tried to reason with his ex so many times before to no avail.

Its hard for all parties involved

I do thank you all for reading this and giving your point of view.

I hate to say it, but kids DO know what you think and sometimes truth (or an abbreviation of) is bettern than all out lies.

I used to tell my (then) young DSDs that their mum and I got on fine. THeir (darling! ) mother used this to prove I was a liar (In that, we were not friends. We did not get on, She hated me etc etc etc., so if I lied about that..... DSDs allowed to make up their own mind)... CAused LOADS of problems. NOw, I don't say anything at all.

Now, for better or worse.... I help when asked (assuming I can). Otherwise, it's up to her and my DH.

SHe dislikes me, OK.... But she also dislikes my children which I find unacceptable. They (like her kids) are not part of this argument.

Like everything else, she expects her (and her children) to be treated in a manner she doesn't expect to treat others (or their children) in.
Par for the course really.

freedom I am wondering what has happened in your situation? How are things working out for you all?

Hi freedom 2010
Ive been in the same position for 14 yrs (my SS are 22 and 18). My DH's ex has caused us no end of hassle. She flaunted her affairs but was gobsmacked when he left.
We've worked hard at our relationship with the boys and things got easier as they got older and she couldn't physically stop them from contact and then again when they started dating themselves and they realised that things aren't black and white!
DH deals with his x: he let a lot go when the boys were younger becuase of the power she had over contact but he is very firm with her now. We found that money worked well with her: when she rang the week before our wedding to tell us that the boys "didn't want to go" he told her that he would be too busy to put her child support in until after the honeymoon, but the boys being there would help him remember...the boys were at the wedding and told us they had never said they didnt want to go!
Hang in there freedom 2010. It's damn hard but worth it when I see the 22yr old making his 8 yr old brother giggle!

Get counselling. Act indifferent. Don’t show her you care. You need to get on with your life and ignore her. Some Ex wives and bio mums are and will always be jealous crazy nasty bio-polar mums. They are simply jealous of you - Her behaviour proves this. My husband has a crazy ex wife full of hate even after divorcing 15 years ago. She can’t let go. She’s intimidated by me. She’s jealous of me. Jealous of everything and our life together. She left him. She destroyed him and stops kids seeing him. She alienated the kids from dad. I believe in fathers rights to see their kids. Nothing will change for you. You need to ignore it and get on with your life, cope with it through counselling. Or leave.

I have sympathy for you OP, I really do, but you really need to stop with this style of thinking:

The money she gets from us is never spent on the boys last week she bought a new car 3rd one in three years

You have no right to say that. The boys aren't starving are they? They're fed, clothed, have a bed to sleep in? Then of course the money is being spent on them. My dad had your attitude, he paid my mum £80 a month for 3 kids, and accused her of spending it down the pub because she'd have a night out every other weekend. Meanwhile it was fine for him to go off on holidays and buy new gadgets etc. It's like he thought she should have no money for herself, every penny should be spent on the kids or it meant she was "keeping his money". Trust me, we cost her a hell of a lot more than £80 a month to raise.

Eight year old ZOMBIE!!