Does no sex mean no relationship?

[cherrypink]

Been together nearly 20 years,we are engaged but not married,he does not want to marry me he said which to be honest im past caring about now as we dont have a great relationship anymore.
He was my first proper boyfriend,and we happy then ,I feel pregnant and three weeks before having our baby we moved in together,then moved ,then moved again and went on to have our dd .
We just have not had sex for at least a year I did have pnd and got of the tablets over a year ago,I do care for him,and he does make me laugh,I dont think i'd be happy seeing him with anyone else so is this the end?.is this normal I just dont know because we deep down are both not happy just wont admit it to each other.
He also works long hours and im on my own a lot with the kids,when he comes home he does moan a bit at me about stupid things,and I feel he takes over and he makes sarky comments,he also rarely helps me with the kids and I resent it and his sarky comments.
What would you do?.

bump
anyone please

Well it depends. In your situation, I'd say it was an issue.

In a normal healthy relationship, it won't be sex free for a year.

So it sounds like you have grown apart totally, so do you want to fix it or try to?

It does sound like it's dead from both sides if in the past year he has made no moves either.

You need to talk to him.

From my own experience men cant survive without sex and will look elsewhere to get it. So eventually he may go off.

Lots of women happily go without it but the partner will seach out whether it be on the streets or an affair. You've stated that the realationship is over and only time will one of you leave.

I'm not bothered about sex, never have really, but I go along with the deed. We have a very strong relationship and work well together. We are happy, he works long hard hours and never helps either. But your relationship sounds over as you said the sarky comments are a good sign that the respect is gone.

I'd assume you're young??? with so much life to live do you really want to continue like this and do you think its got longlivity?

I think it takes a lot of balls to say its finished and split up especially with the children. My ex did me a favour but then we didnt have any children.

Im 36 years old Bacon,He says I only want him here because of his money which is true, but we depend on his money for bills,food etc. We would struggle and I have to ask him for more money as the money does not cover all the bills etc.
Where he works long hours its hard for me to work in the eve's,I have tried it, now I work one day a week, and look after dd at home after I have dropped my ds of to school.
Im currently looking for a part time job
when my dd starts playgroup in sep.
If he was to leave how much would he have to give me,to provide for our dcs.
And would we get help me and the dc's,sorry but dont know who else to ask.

cherrypink apparently Citizens Advice are good for finding out about finances and what you're entitled to so it might be a good idea to contact them - then you'll know where you stand if you do decide to leave. I'm about to do the same but have had trouble getting through on the phone so I think you just have to keep trying.

Have you tried talking to him about how you feel? Does he listen to you? If so it might be worth trying couples counselling.

But if you do only want him for the money I would think that you don't really have a relationship TBH.

Bacon, you've only got to look at the many, many posts on here to realise that plenty of men can and do survive without sex for much longer than a year, some are as uninterested in it as you are.

Cherrypink, it does sound like the no sex is just a small part in a much larger relationship problem, if neither if you are happy then you both have to sit down and talk about where you go from here, whether that means trying to salvage your relationship or put an end to it.
It's time for honesty, if he thinks all you want is his wage packet then it's not surprising he's acting the way he does - that's not excusing him btw, just an observation.

Well you have admitted you only want him for his wage packet, so I'd presume as an outsider it's over.

Best to try and sit down and talk about it and sort out the finance and what you can claim or ask for etc.

You can't stay with him for his wage packet, it not fair on him you or DC, you'll only end up resenting each other.

As regards the money issue, well I can't really blame the guy being a bit sarcastic if he senses that he is just a wage packet to you.
If you were to split up, then I guess that he is legally obliged to pay maintenance for your dc's but won't be obliged to give you maintenance for yourself- it's only the children he's obliged to "maintain".
Obviously, if he wants to help you out financially, there's nothing to stop him from doing so.
I don't know what the "going rate" is for child maintenance, maybe someone else does.
You'd be entitled to benefits as a single parent, but best to see Citizens advice about this.