is it me

[ilovemybaby]

im trying very very hard to hold my marriage together, but my heart is not really in it. over the last year i have lost several stone and now the kids are getting older i have a life. it has caused no end of rows and when i went on an xmas works do in a short (not silly short) dress dh called me a slut. anyway, i went for a couple of days and tehn we sorted it out (sort of) he has beeen trying so hard to not act like victor meldrew and we have both started going out more together and with our frends on our own. buuuuuuuut, i cant stand sex, cuddles and kisses are ok (not snogging thought!) i cant bare him touching me. i have tried everything to get me in the mood but it just does not work. i find him rather gross sometimes, he gropes me when i say why cant you just give me a cuddle he says dont start nagging. tongihts little classic, im on pc, he comes over, gets IT out and waves it in my face. when i say dont be f disgusting and do think other men do that to their wivwes he laughed and said dont be stupic of course they do only they would do something with it. IS IT ME? i cant do this for the next 40 years :-((((

should add, he is a nice man, would do anything for us etc etc.

If my hubby came and waved his knob in my face when I was having some me time, I'd chop it off, how disrespectful.

We have an active sex life and even then it's not normal.

I wouldn't stand for him calling me a slut neither for wearing a dress, sounds like a right catch your Dh!

He is a nice man, yet calls his wife a slut when she dresses up in a bid to insult her, does not strike me as nice Sorry.

yuck yuck yuck

It is not you. He did what?! How old is he? What response was he after?

'Ooh...that's lovely, dear. It makes me want to shag you right now..' Er. No.

I don't know what to suggest. I hated being touched and kissed by my ex-h. That's largely why he's an ex. I am a lot happier now that I don't feel constantly pressured and guilty for not wanting to have sex.

The weight loss is probably significant to both of you. He might feel a bit threatened by it and you may be feeling like a whole new person. Except you are still expected to have sex with the same person as before.

It sounds as though you are trying the right things - spending more time out together...etc. Maybe give it some more time? I don't know!

Sorry - absolutely no help at all, but I do know what it's like and it's miserable.

he doesnt seem to like me being me really lol. i have never been any different in personality but i probably am more confident now (comes with age lol) i want to go away with friends more and have fun i am only just 40 kids are 18 and 15, and always doing their own thing. he just does not get it

i do miss sex, loads, but not with him (god that sounds terrible). i just tend to lay there and think of england, shopping, work etc. he got angry other week when i kept refusing fore play i tend to just want it over asap. god only knows what i can do about this. i sometimes wish he would have an affair andthen i could chuck him out but i do love him, just not fancy

It seems if you want to make it work, you're going to have to try and get over your fear of physical contact with him. Not that his behaviour is excusable, but if he's not getting any willing, enjoyable sex (i.e. how sex between a couple should be) then he's probably getting a bit desperate.

If you're not prepared to overcome this, then you might as well give up on the relationship.

Have you tried counselling? Alternatively, have you tried getting drunk/stoned and making a real effort to have good, coupley sex? It might reduce any inhibitions you have, and actually remind you why you fancied this guy in the first place.

he hates me getting drunk lol, says i get silly and i should know better!! i dont see waht councilling would do, i dont know, i have to sort myself out though

You lie there and think of England, I think of David Tennant! Seriously, it sounds like he's insecure of the new you. You are gaining confidence through your weight loss, and he probably feels threatened because your confidence and new look is attracting attention. He wants reassuring that you fancy him, and the bottom line is you don't. This is the problem...do you want to work at things with him, or do you want to move on? You had your kids young, and now you're ready to enjoy yourself - that's great but you need to decide whether he's part of your future. If you think he could be, then work at it - counselling, whatever it takes. Perhaps have counselling on your own - to decide what you really want. Good luck.

of course i want my marriage to work, i am not going to quit because of this, but i cant be doing with him being the way he is, yet he takes none of the blame. he knows what buttons to press to make me feel insecure about myself, weight etc and then when i turn on him he tries to put me down saying i am mad etc. i dooooo love him, really really, i will try what i can, have even thought of trying viagra for me lol. i wont give up and i wont destroy my family. but it is very very hard.