Advice on mutual friends dispute

[Mammie81]

I have two close frends who fell out last year. Sorry, quite long background story!

A brief overview is this : Friend B had kissed the Friend A's boyfriend on a couple of occasions - friend A sort of knew/had her suspicions but overlooked it, and then they married and now have a new baby. After the wedding, it came out and Friend A rightly went mad at Friend B, it was all very difficult for a time, and now they dont speak.

Friend B is very sorry about what happened and has moved on, now with a nice fella and pregnant, hoping to marry next year.

However, Friend A has been quite openly nasty about Friend B over the year via her facebook page and bitches quite abit about her (never saying anyting negative about her husband, who I suspect has cheated on her with others too.) And now that she has learned that Friend B is pregnant, she has started some kind of online vendetta, and writes horrible things about her all the time.

I had hoped that now shes married with a baby, she'd forget this bitterness towards friend B. And Friend B has never publically said anything bad about Friend A as she knows she was wrong, so its not like this is a continuing argument - Friend A goes over alot of old ground.(I am in NO way condoning Friend B's behaviour, but she has been more gracious since it all came out.)

I dont want to get involved but wish she'd stop making these comments, as its making her look ridiculous, and people are losing sympathy with her. Which is a shame as she was the one wronged.

Should I talk to Friend A or leave it and hope she stops making bitchy comments?

I'd keep well out of it myself.

Agreed. Stay out of it.

I feel so sorry for Friend A though. Shes obviously still hurting, and cant find a way to express it other than online?

I dont want people to think less of her. None of this was her fault after all.

Could I say nicely to her, 'perhaps you shouldnt make it so public'?

Tell her to grow up and move on - has she never made a mistake in her life? Some people love dragging things on and on and it just makes her look petty minded - I would seriously be tempted to drop her - if she is saying this about one 'friend' what might she be saying about others??

if it was my friend i would talk to her, i mean what are friends for after all?

i would explain that she is hurting no one but herself

she is probably taking out on friend b the fact that she suspects her husband is still wronging her

I agree with mumblechum.

So far I havent mentioned anything to her. As I dont want her to think Im saying that shes handling things badly.

But I do fear whether this will raise its ugly head again when Friend B has the baby, and when she gets married etc.

Some of her younger friends encourage this online bashing, but I really dont think its doing her any good.

I think talk to her. As long as you can do it without a) inadvertently slagging Friend B off, because that will get back to her or b) sounding like you're trivialising the snogging offence. If you stick to the "I can understand why you're angry, but you're making yourself look a bit silly now" line, it might work.

Facebook has a lot to answer for imo. In the olden days there would have been a bit of bitching behind the friend's back and it would have been forgotten about. Now it's in cyberspace for ever.

i wouldn't get involved.

I suspect she bitches alot more about Friend B to her younger friends in real life tho, as she knows Im still in contact with her.

And personally I think the husband is as much to blame as Friend B, but he never gets any slack! (Not that I can tell, anyway!)

I want her to just be happy with her new little one, and leave all this nastiness behind really.

Short update :

Friend B has found out about the bitchy comments through others and is now very upset, as she had an email this week from A saying congratulations on the pregnancy and wishing her luck, and thought things might be getting better.

Im still trying to stay neutral but this is now looking a bit like A is trying to provoke a reaction from B.

Should I comfort B (considering she was in the wrong to start) or would that look like side taking?

(I realise how childish this all sounds, i wish they'd just talk it through!)