So scared of dh i called his parents to come and get him

[IsThereAWayBack]

i don't know where to start really but dh came home about 9 and had been drinking, don't think he'd had that much but hadn't eaten all day. I had been out after leaving due to an arguement this monring and when i got back he was gone. He was fine when he came in but after about 10 mins he started getting angry.

basicallly i went upstairs to get away from him, he had told me to get upstairs and he followed me. He did not hit me. but i know he wanted too. i could see it in his eyes. he was shouting and swearing and went as though he was going to go for me. the last few times he has got drunk it seems to be getting worse and worse.

I know that he is getting closer to the line. I was so scared that when he went dowstairs for the second time i called his mum and pleaded with her to come round. rthey have just left with him. he didn't want to go and said that we are over if i didnt let him stay here tonight.

i hvae been feeling more and more recently that we are heading for a spilt. We have been together for nearly 20 years.

he headbutted the door and punched the bed. it did seem that as soon as he knew his parents were coming that he calmed down although very upset that they were involved.I don't know what my question is and i'm sure i know what you are all going to say.

it does sound close to the line....but i think for him,this will be a lightbulb moment,or at least,should be

are his parents aware he's like this? or is this all new to them?

Well, I guess the first question is, has he always been like this? Then, is he under particular stress at the moment? Do you have children?

And: do you want to live like this?

Well done for getting him out of the house.

I don't really feel there is a way back unless he wakes up and realises his behaviour has crossed the line.

Does he drink regularly? And does he get drunk regularly? Is he ok when he is sober or is it just that he is worse when he is drunk?

If the drinking is a regular thing then I suspect that will need to be sorted if you are to have much hope of resolving any other issues you may have.

If you don't feel safe with him in the house then you should think about having him stay elsewhere for a bit.
Take care of yourself.

The thing that stands out to me, is that he kn ew he had to stop front of other people. So he knows what he is doing is wrong.

He is choosing to behave this way and it's interesting that as soon as he knew his parents were on the way he started to calm down.

Twenty years is a long time to be together and him to suddenly start behaving in this way. Why do you think he is IsThereAWayBack?

He is under a lot of stree at the moment, as am i. we have a one young dc. There have been times when he has been very very angry when drunk before. I had started to think he was passive aggressive from something someone else on here had said and whne i looked it up there was loads that he ticked the boxes for but don'rt remember anything about them moving to being aggressive. or is it just coming out differenet?

I have been thinking recently that apart from money, how would my life be different if we split? i do everything for pfb but he does work very long hours but then again why doesnt he want to do stuff at the weekend?

he hasn't ever really acknowledged how he has been when he has been drunk before. brings it all back to i must have done/said something.

IsThereAWayBack only you can decide if leaving him is the right decision but the way he behaves is under his control regardless of what you say and do. Him being aggressive is not your fault, you can't make somebody behave like that.

You have seen for yourself tonight that he can change his behaviour when it suits him, i.e, his parents are on the way and will see him for the bully he is.

Take this time to really think about what is best for you and your child.

IsThere - you haven't done anything to justify being made to feel unsafe in your own home.

It is not acceptable for him to use you as an emotional punchbag to burn off stress (let alone any actual punchbag).

I am not sure I would let him back until he acknowledges his behaviour and takes steps to deal with the drinking. I suspect you are seeing his true feelings when the drink takes his inhibitions away.

is it wrong that part of me wants him to stick to what he said when he said that if i made him leave tonight he wouldn't be coming back?

If his aggressive behaviour when drunk is escalating then it may be a very good idea that he sticks to what he says.

You have been left feeling frightened and unsafe in your own home by the person who is supposed to care most for you, of course it is reasonable to feel that you don't really want them around anymore.

we've had a lot going on for the last couple of years, which i won't go into as don't want to out myself.we are not the same couple, theres not much affection or conversation, just harsh words and resentment,.

Not at all wrong, no. I think this is your lightbulb moment.

I think you should ask him to stay away for a couple of days to give you a bit of thinking space. Its difficult to work out what to do for the best when you are right in the middle of the emotional storm.

Take care.

thank you all i really am grateful for your time. i should get to bed also have got a very long day at work.