Is anyone else a horrible, miserable person like me ???

[Showmeheaven]

I've always been the glass is half-empty type. I can be very moany, critical, easily annoyed and (this shames me most) quite judgemental of others. In other words, I can be a right bitch at times.

At least I'm aware of it now and I am trying to change, but its hard (a leopard's spots and all that). I don't have any real friends. I've lost friends over the years and I now realise why (I didn't know the reason at the time). When I read advice in self-help books to drop friends who are dragging you down, I'm that dead-beat friend

In work I try to be upbeat and positive. I think I've convinced most people but there are a couple of others who can see through me and they are wary of me. They have never said anything but I can sense it, they keep their distance.

Is anyone like me and have you been able to change ?? I desperately want to change and I want people to like me but I don't know how to go about it. How do you be cheery, friendly, happy, smiley when its just not you. How do you change the habits of a lifetime ??

Im bloody awful when the mood takes me.

I know I am.

Everybody thinks im a cheerful grinning type but truth be told im an old cow.

Thank God I'm not alone

Its very hard to admit to this ...

Im a rancid bitch if t6he mood takes me its true im not saying this to makwe you feel better.

Have you lost friends over it ? Are people wary of you because of it ?

I think it's very refreshing to meet miserable gits sometimes. (no offence meant.) It's actually normal I think!

Good you're admitting to feeling like this. It's bloody hard work to stay chirpy all the time.

If you really want to change though why don't you try cognitive behaviour therapy? there are some web site programmes that I can;t remember but will come back if i do! Someone else might know what they are called. if you google positive thinking or cognitive behaviour therapy loads should come up.

Yes, i'm a miserable cow.

the answer is citalopram. honestly.

I can be pure fecking toxic and utterly vile should the mood take me.

Showmeheaven - why on earth have you decided now is the time to hate yourself.

Has something happened?

(meant in a nice way)

Thanks, I know what you mean, Victor Meldrew perhaps But Victor was right most of the time! I could identify with him a lot

If you think of the website programmes that would be fab. I've also thought cognitive behaviour therapy may be good for someone like me, get rid of all the negative thinking.

The trouble with being cynical, pessimistic, etc and wanting to change is - the methods that work are EXACTLY the type of woolly woo bollocks you love to slag off! (I know this, believe me!)

These methods are mostly meditation-based, one way or another. You can shortcut it with hypnotherapy; not a bad idea imo, as it proves the woo stuff DOES work

I'm still working with Paul Gilbert's "The Compassionate Mind" - it's quite an intense book, but I like it because he explains the hard science behind the woo.

I faked being a positive personality pretty much all my life. I had all the right attitudes, etc but, as you say, people did see through it. The fakery also laid me open to manipulation (thus proving my cynical expectations!) I'm not perfectly chilled yet, but I'm far enough down the line to say you're right: it is better to lose the 'attitude'.

Take a look at The Mood Gym

Eh I suffer from the exact opposite problem.

Seriously its actually not that great being the other way, you end up going home from work and crying about your clients (I work in mental health), putting yourself out for people when you know they are basically taking advantage of you and spending hours with your friends and family listening and helping to solve their sh1t. In addition I am constantly, stupidly, surprised when people take adavantage of my compassion and things work out badly for me and those i love (or vaguely know )

Maybe I could get a little of what you have and you a little of what I have and all will be well! lol.

Well, i don't think I hate myself Maybe I do and thats something else to add to my list.

It really started last year. I had my 25th school renunion. Chatting to many old friends there (that I hadn't seen in all that time!). One girl (who I didn't like then) came over to me and said:

Her: "Some things never change"
Me: "Huh??"
Her: "Your face"
Me: "What do you mean by that"?
Her: "The same old faces you use to pull are still there after all these years"

She walked away and I was left with me mouth open. I should have cursed the b*tch to hell, but actually she did me a huge favour. I've had a serious look at myself (and the way people see me) since then and these are the honest conclusions I have come to. So I know big changes need to happen.

Lowlevelwhinging what is Citalopram ????

I see Citalopram is an antidepressant. I have wondered in the past could I be depressed but if I am I've been depressed since I was 10 years old! I don't remember a time when I haven't been like this.

Would a course of Citalopram cure me ? I'd hate to think I'd have to stay on them long term.

ItsGraceActually you got it right about being cynical, its so part of my make up. I'm going though the Mood Gym, looks good.

No I havent lost friends through it -cos people seem to see me as being a very 'chippy' person and if I do rant generally they agree with me- but sometimes I really do feel quite grrrrrrrrrrrr at everyone and everything.

Showme - perhaps the face the bitch mentioned is a reaction to seeing her???

She sounds a right nasty cow.

Oh I used to think I was a miserable cow - but then I come on MN, and see all these people in fury about innocent remarks from shop assistants/members of the public and realise I'm actually quite open minded!

If you can be mindful as is much mocked at times on MN, that other people may seem unhelpful/unfriendly because they are stressed/dying for the loo/struggling with PND/may have literacy problems etc - i.e. for a multitude of reasons that don't involve you, and temper any criticisms of people accordingly then I think that's really all you need, rather than to put on some happy/bubbly personality. At work = maybe try and see positives as well as negatives - comment on the people who help you out and say nice stuff as wellas the ones who irk you.

If you have nothing good to say then don't say anything at all

That has become my motto. I use it in work and in other social situations. People don't want to hear negative stuff (even if its true), they see it as ranting.

That other girl at the renunion is a bitch herself (takes one to know one, hehe!) but her nasty comment did me a favour. I'm now aware of how your feelings inside can be displayed on your face. I don't care about her, I'll never see her again and at least she didn't say it in front of everyone.

i am a fellow bitch. its true, it has to be said. i am new here on mumsnet and i am finding talk pages i can relate to all the time. i judge people, i people watch and i can feel a look of "oh my GOD" come onto my face and i cant help it!! i find it quite funny until i sit and think that i too dont have any friends and i wonder whether ive always been like this and thats maybe why. i put a face on to everybody. everybody thinks me and DH are a perfect couple never argue etc etc and im getting tired of it now. maybe its best to just be honest to people. instead of pretending. trouble is i dont want DD to be like me and be judgemental and bitchy. DH is so laid back hes practically horizontal which makes me feel worse cuz i have strong opinions on everything and he just "doesnt mind". at least we admit how we are. i see people from school and think god youre awful, but then do people say the same about me

JemAndEllie you may believe your worst traits are hidden from the world but they are not, people aren't stupid.

My DH is also a lovely person and very easy going. He would do anyone a good turn and everybody loves him. Same can't be said for me, unfortunately.

I too would hate for our kids to end up like me but thats great motivation in itself for working towards change.

Check out the Mood Gym (link above). Its very good. I have established I'm not depressed, I have medium level anxiety, have a high need for acceptance and a high level for perfection - pretty much what I thought, I now just need to learn how to work through it. Good luck!

ItsGraceActually, thank you for posting the link

Cognitive behavioural therapy is great for changing negative thought patterns.

The Power of Now is a great book for learning why we judge, why we get angry etc - well worth a read.