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Relationships

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Original poster

Why would he not want me to visit him in hospital?

24 replies

Citrus81 · 10/07/2010 18:27

OH collapsed at work this morning, was seen by emergency doctor who said he needed to go to A&E straight away. He came home, asked me to take him so I did and I suggested I wait with him. He didn't want me to, kept telling me they'd be no point as he'd be ages and that I may as well go home.

So I went home. It turned out he has a stomach ulcer which has bled. He lost 7 pints of blood and iron is dangerously low so they are keeping him in over night.

He's not told me what ward he's on or anything. A family member has just offered to look after the kids so I can go and visit him and he text me "I'd rather you just look after everything at home tbh" [HMM] and then another one saying "but you can come if you really want to"

Should HE want me too???

OP posts:

Original poster

Citrus81 · 10/07/2010 18:28

Oh and he doesn't need anything taking. No clean underwear or anything.

OP posts:

TinaSparkles · 10/07/2010 18:30

FGS just go and see him. No point in pondering over the texts.

He maybe doesn't know which ward he's on but I doubt if you've any reason to be suspicious.

Daffydilly · 10/07/2010 18:30

Just go - that's my advice fwiw

noteventhebestdrummer · 10/07/2010 18:37

Maybe he thinks you will find it difficult to cope with seeing him that ill? Are you generally OK with needles/drips/body fluids?

If yes, just go!

Original poster

Citrus81 · 10/07/2010 18:39

yeah I love a bit of gore.

Is it even possible to lose 7 pints of blood?? don't you only have 8 in your entire body?

OP posts:

nickschick · 10/07/2010 18:39

I think he just doesnt want you to be upset or have extra work to do.

nickschick · 10/07/2010 18:41

My dh had an accident at work late in the night - as soon as i was informed i was able to organise immediate child care and got straight to the hospital - he was lay on a trolley feeling v sorry for himself and he later said when he heard my voice he knew everything was ok.

dutchmanswife · 10/07/2010 18:44

When I was admitted to hospital with hyperemesis with DD3 I didn't want anyone with me, including waiting in A and E and for visiting. I just felt too tired and ill to cope with anyone else. Plenty of people would offer to visit but I said no to them all. I wanted to be left alone to be ill. I found it so much easier when I was on my own. DH would come to visit and I'd ask him to leave after ten minutes.

Maybe your OH finds it easier on his own.

rowingcah · 10/07/2010 18:57

7 pints of blood???? He'd be very dead!! Unless he weighs about 20 stone and therefore has about 20 pints of blood in his body and even then I can't think that he would be in any condition to be texting you. Me thinks you are being taken for a ride by someone. You can lose 40% of your blood and just about survive.

askville.amazon.com/blood-person-lose-live/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=4927243

answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070811023542AAvKCLB

Original poster

Citrus81 · 10/07/2010 19:01

rowingcah, that's exactly what I was thinking. I'm hoping its just a case of male exaguration for sympathy Listen to this though - he DROVE himself home from work after the collapse. Someone weak from losing that amount of blood would barely be able to walk, let alone drive.

I'm tempted to ring the ward and ask.

OP posts:

Theyremybiscuits · 10/07/2010 19:02

Ring the ward and ask!

Original poster

Citrus81 · 10/07/2010 19:03

what do I say? cos he's been texting me his info, will it look a bit wierd if I bypass his word and phone the ward?

OP posts:

Theyremybiscuits · 10/07/2010 19:05

Ring and say who you are - they will check who you are - and then say you wondered if they have any results back yet, and does he need you to bring anything in?

throckenholt · 10/07/2010 19:07

if you want to make an excuse tell them that he is sending messages that don't make sense and you would like to know how he is.

MistyB · 10/07/2010 19:12

Did you know about his stomach ulcer - is it an alcohol related thing?

OrientCalf · 10/07/2010 19:14

I wonder whether he's not behaving as he normally because he's lost a lot of blood and is not his usual self? or has been given drugs?

as you say you would probably get a better idea of what's going on from the ward

Original poster

Citrus81 · 10/07/2010 19:32

No he had a gastric bypass just under 2 years ago and despite all the promises about changing his eating ways, he has gone right back to the way he used to be. Packets of crisps one after another, DR Pepper, take-aways - only now his stomach physically cannot handle it. It annoys me because I know full well that once this has blown over, he'll do exactly the same thing again. He doesn't learn.

OP posts:

FakePlasticTrees · 10/07/2010 19:38

He might just want to 'save you' seeing him ill. Blokes can be funnny about not wanting to make a fuss.

Send him a text saying you're coming in with clean clothes, pjs and a wash bag for him as he might need to be up and dressed before you can get there in the morning with clean things - and does he want any magazines/food bringing? you could add that if he's asleep you'll just leave it with the nurses.

Rafwife · 10/07/2010 19:56

7 pints of blood, I don't think so he'd be dead. He has over egged the pudding or is hiding something, either way I'd just go.

AFAIK I lost 4 pints after childbirth when you have lots of spare blood anyway and that nearly killed me and I needed 3 transfusions, so 7 no way.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 10/07/2010 19:58

Do you think he's not got an ulcer and it's actually related to his by-pass and he's perhaps done some damage by not following the eating rules and he doesn't want you to know this because he's ashamed?

Am assuming you live together, so there's no secret wife.

2rebecca · 10/07/2010 20:23

I find it bizarre that you haven't been there already if he's your partner and you have kids together. If my husband collapsed I'd be there. If you phone the hospital there is always someone who can tell you which ward they are on. This is where being married is handy as then you are next of kin and they're usually happy to give the next of kin more info than other folk especially if serious illness.
I'm not sure what has stopped you phoning the hospital as soon as you heard he had been admitted and going up there.
I'd take a bag of stuff as well, if he's really had a large transfusion he won't be thinking that clearly.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/07/2010 20:27

I would go to the hospital; mobile phone usage is not generally allowed on wards. For what its worth he probably thinks you're going to have a go at him.

MumInBeds · 10/07/2010 20:27

I was in hospital last year and I preferred not to be visited, especially by dh. I hate for anyone to see me in pain or vulnerable. There's nothing sinister about it, just something I preferred.

Sassybeast · 10/07/2010 21:12

I wouldn't read too much into the whole 'losing 7 pints' thing. Nomal HB for blokes is about 13-18 so it may be that his HB has dropped by 7 units ? It's still possible to function with an HB that low and he may have lost a lot of the blood AFTER he arrived home from work. I'd have thought that not wanting to worry you/drag you to the hospital (especially if he knows this may be self induced and is feeling a bit stupid) was a fairly normal reaction - it sounds as if everything is under control there but I'd just ring and say you wanted to check that he was okay.

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