Desert Island Discs - Charles Hazlewood and his experience of sexual abuse

[Melroses]

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000jfnv

I half listened to this, as I do with a lot of R4, this morning.

Charles' account of the effects of what was done to him was very powerful indeed. In just a few words, it gives us a lot of insight into the dynamics of abuse and the way the effects play out in a child's behaviour and the powerlessness of it all on the victim.

There was also much joy of music in this programme so it did end on a good note*

*see what I did there

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/conductor-charles-hazlewood-reveals-childhood-sex-abuse-l3wf03mr7

"It was, I suppose, the darkest night of my soul, that time, em , and ever since you guys asked me to come on this programme, I have come to a decision, em , that I wanted to tell my whole story and there are parts of my whole story that I have never uttered in public before. But I feel as the result of a decade now of healing therapy and working on myself that I feel ready to share the hidden part of my particular story and it is simply that I was the victim of sexual abuse through most of my childhood. But apart from anything else, abuse is something which thrives on secrecy. It's like that is the toxic energy on which derives its power from. There's another reason for wanting to come out - this is a form of coming out I suppose - I wanted to say to anyone listening to this programme who thinks that they might have potential to become someone who wants to touch a child inappropriately - you see all the paedophiles I knew as a child - they sold it to me as a form of love. Now that is the most confusing and corrupting thing to get a child to invest in and believe in. It fundamentally messes up your internal wiring. So I would say to anyone, you know, who is frightened they have some of that in them "don't ever kid yourself that that is love, don't ever kid yourself that the child can be an equal party in this. All you are doing is giving them a stain and a whole bunch of damage inside them which will probably last their entire life"

Thanks for highlighting, I am a weekly DID listener but thought this was a good one (one of the best since Lauren took over maybe? I'm still getting used to her, typical reactionary R4 listener!). He had really sensible things to say about elitism and 'classical' music, plus he spoke so movingly about his experiences as a child, I'm not a weeper usually but even I shed a little tear when he spoke about his 'long dark night of the soul' with only Mozart for comfort . I'd recommend as a good listen, although maybe not if you are already feeling a bit fragile emotionally as its a tough one too (although as you say a story of redemption and hope through music as well as a sad story).

It was a very good listen - Mozart's magic flute will have new meaning now.

There is a lot inspiring in his work.

As a parent, I thought his description of the torment he went through was important as it made sense of his behaviour. He didn't even know how to make friends any more.

What a remarkable description. Thank you for highlighting this- I'm an occasional listener, and will make sure to catch up.