why am i beating myself up about this?

[CharliesMummyMeg]

Hi all,
Im beating myself up about this and i dont know why...
We first got a kaps 3 city driver pram from ebay new for our baby for when he was born, we didnt even check if it fit in the bloody car and low and behold i had to remove a wheel to get the sodding pram in so got fed up with it very quickly, my dad brought me a second hand icandy peach while i saved up for a new one which i loved, used the cot part as my baby was only little and now we have a new icandy peach which i love, ive had it since he was about 5 mo now he is 9mo. I keep beating myself up because i didnt get him the 'right' pram in the first place....
I didnt even look at the icandy peaches, didnt even know where to look really...

I am being stupid but i feel like i let my littun down... i know i didnt because the kaps3 is a nice pram really.... can anyone answer my question as to why i keep thinking i didnt have a nice pram etc for him??

Do you think you could have a bit of mild PND? I found myself obsessing and feeling guilty about something relatively small for months after my first DD was born (a few formula top-ups in my case). I did eventually stop thinking about it but it took a while. I didn't get any treatment because mine was pretty mild and went away on its own but you could see your GP if you wanted to?

i think i may partly because when ds was born his dad walked out when was 4 weeks old then back in when he was 10 weeks then out again when he was 12 weeks then back again at 15 weeks thankfully he has stayed now. I feel like i did things wrong and i didnt have the right stuff for him, i had a moses basket swinging crib pram carseat etc etc but i dont feel like i got it right or put enought effort in...... i cry most nights when i think about it.... i think i planned it in my head one way and in real life things dont go that way.

Awww love, you do sound like you have a bit of PND, you should go and have a chat with your GP.

i think i will im being so stupid about it all thank you girls x

I can't even begin to describe how little you need to worry about this. You know you don't actually have to even use a pram?

And just so I've got this straight in my head, your Dad bought you a perfectly good second hand iCandy which you loved and was perfectly serviceable. So you saved up and spent (I suspect) infinitely more money on the same pram just so it was new?!

Wow.

I agree with the previous poster. Either a touch of PND or an enormous case of PFB syndrome going on. If the later, you need to (a) go and tell your woes to the nearest available parent with more than one DC, and (b) try really hard to remember how you would have approached this situation prior to getting pregnant. I suspect rather differently!

What is PFB i have never heard of it before?
Thank you xx

Just read your other posts. You need a bit of love petal. Get thee to a HV / GP tout suite. Sounds really hard being you right now and I don't blame you for focussing on things you really don't need to worry about.

And tea. And biscuits!

PFB - Precious First Born

PFB means precious first born. We ALL do it.

I could bore you rigid with tales of the expensive and unnecessary crap I bought DS. My favourite was a mobile which would make him a genius but actually every time he touched it, all the hangy bits fluttered down all over him like bloody confetti. So obviously I then spent hours worrying about the mobile increasing risk of SIDS but that without it he wouldn't develop properly.

In comparison DD is lucky if she gets a ready chewed copy of 'that's not my neurotic Mum'. Poor DD.

PFB - i think that is exactly whats wrong with me! I want THE best for him all the time - i need to sort this out before i end up buying everything!

Hurrah! Embrace your inner neurotic Mum! It's quite an expensive hobby though

You could get into wrap slings. You can do that quite cheaply! And there's uber Mum status in making your own.

Haha maybe i should.......

Just to add, I have had a few pushchairs, including two Peaches, but a few months ago I was madly messaging the buggy addicts on here asking them to identify a pretty pushchair which turned out to be a KAPS. So IMHO although it was a tad big for your car, it wasn't a terrible pram! As others have said you don't need a pram or a carrycot! I agree with the others that you ought to talk to your HV or GP about this.

now i feel much better about my kaps3!!!!

Babies don't give a shit what pram they have but they need a happy mum!
If you do feel depressed please get some help - Mumsnet mums are not the 'hugs n kisses' type but I have often been amazed about how informative and supportive they can be, so listen to what they are saying on here!

the other day after reading all your lovley replies i felt much better about it all but today im starting to be silly again, now im starting to think did i have the house right and was it all ok for ds1...... i dont actually remember most of my pregnancy, birth or my ds1 at the very start is that normal?

That's a really hard thing to go through with your partner being in and out of your life when you're so vulnerable anyway with a newborn. Try not to dwell on whether you had the house right when he was tiny, I'm sure the very fact that you're worrying about it means it was absolutely fine.

Was the birth traumatic? I think it can be normal not to remember it, especially if it was difficult or the time afterwards was.

thank you for your reply - no not traumatic at all, just the rubbish with my fella i think ..

It's hard to understand your worrying as I have never worried about this sort of thing myself, but all your child needs is to be safe, comfortable, loved and cared for. He doesn't need a fancy pushchair or house or anything else much but some toys and clothes that fit. He doesn't need two parents either, although it would be nice to have his father consistantly in his life.
I agree that you should talk to your GP about your feelings to try to get some help. Do you get out and about much? If not, you may find just going to the park and a playgroup each day will make a big difference to you.

Lovey - you are all your baby needs. Obviously he needs clothes etc as well but really, truly he won't know if they are primark or prada. If you want all these lovely and expensive things and can afford them then by all means, get them - I can't talk as I've just ordered a new pram for 7m ds! But only do it if they make you happy - not because you feel you ought or because you think they make you happy.

I think looking back is more difficult now, esp with all the upheaval you've had, whereas you might remember a lot more in a few months/years. DD1 is 14 and I couldn't remember all sorts (inc momentous firsts) for years (life was a bit traumatic for me too) yet now I remember a lot more.

Is your HV supportive? If so, try having a chat to him/her just to see if it helps. If they're half decent (a rare enough breed) then if there's a problem they might well suggest seeing your GP.

Cut yourself some slack. Mums are mums world wide, with or without the fancy bits. In fact, many more parent without and are no more or less loved by their dcs.

Have a and a hug.