Found a great house but can't seem to make a decision - help needed

[secretskillrelationships]

Have a limited budget which means compromises. However, have found a nice end of terrace house which would work very well for my family and we can afford.

It is an older property with reasonable sized rooms on both floors. It has lots of original features and open fireplaces which are obviously used. There are 4 good sized rooms downstairs (including kitchen) and 3 double bedrooms and a study upstairs together with two small bathrooms. The garden is not huge but big enough for our needs and there is a park close by that the children could get to without crossing roads. One big plus is that it had the hall in the middle with rooms either side (my DCs all play very noisy instruments so feel I need to consider my neighbours!).

On the down side, it is not as close to school as I would like (as have different pick-up times for different children due to clubs etc) but still only about 10 mins drive away. It needs complete redecoration and probably a new kitchen. If it was closer to school it would probably be out of my price range. It has an aga and no room for a 'proper' cooker. I'm worried that it is over priced as they are asking 30% more than they paid for it in 2004.

I absolutely loved the house on first viewing. At the second viewing all I could see was the work that was needed (roof, blown plaster, kitchen).

BUT H left me in the summer and energy is very erratic. I want to move on from the house we shared but having started the house search with enormous drive find my energy has vanished. Feel this is a big decision to make on my own but don't have anyone to help me with it. Family are all miles away, this is a relatively new area to me so don't have friends to ask her either.

Feel like I'm going over and over this in my head but not moving it forward.

Any suggestions?

Do yourself a pros and cons list, might help you work out how much you like this house. If you're really anal (not that I'd ever do this ) score your pros and cons.

Not clear if having an aga is a pro or a con?

Be realistic about whether you can get a house you'd be happy with closer to school - you need to talk to estate agents if you don't know the market/enough people to ask.

Priorise the work needed - roof might need work doing before mortgage company would release entire mortgage? You'll need to negotiate on asking price if vendors haven't taken this into account in asking price, do they admit anything in details?

Doing a quick paint job to make the house presentable will be an easy win (I know a big job but is possible) and you can then plan a proper job room by room? But you need to know how you can creat the time/money to do this work, not easy if you're on your own?

The kitchen is possibly the biggest expense? Can you live with it while you save up? Is it a deal breaker?

Good luck with your decision btw... I'm the type of person who would buy the first thing I see. You'd be very unlucky to find that you'd turned this down and it was THE bargain of the century - there will be other houses. Get to know the market and work out what you can afford now and achieve after the sale in terms of diy/paid for improvements.

Walk away.

bosch - thanks for your reply. I think the Aga might me a negative as have never cooked on one, and how do you grill anything but also think you probably shouldn't remove one! Also, have to have it lit all the time which feels very inefficient to me thought the HIPP doesn't even mention it!

I haven't quite written out a pros and cons list though have them in my head. I think the issue is probably more emotional as I seem to have lost my confidence in my own decision-making skills. My instinct has been further shaken by such different emotional responses to first and second views.

The children have seen the house, by the way. One thinks the garden is a bit small but basically liked the house. Another didn't like the area initially but liked the house and could really see us living there. The third is just happy that he might have a 'proper sized' bedroom for once! I think the pros outweigh the cons but have fallen into a state of inertia!

So, it all seems positive but I'm failing to act! Quite frankly, it's a bit of a shock as not usually indecisive, quite the opposite!

Good advice from bosch.
I can imagine its a very hard decision to make on your own.

Are the school picks up do-able or would the distance get you down?

Re the work needed, it does sound like it may be over priced esp given the roof needs work. DO you know how long it has been on the market, any offers etc? Possible room for negotiation there I'd think (hope).

In terms of the Aga, if you arent keen you could sell it (they fetch a lot, even used Agas) and put in a nice gas/electric range type cooker in its place.

WOuld you be able to oversee/afford the work which it needs?

Fab - sorry cross posted. Why do you say that?

Pannacotta - house is probably still overpriced but has been reduced 40k since it was first marketed in 2008 so not sure whether it is really for sale though agent assures me it is. Also difficult to price anyway as a bit of a one-off. If I was to go ahead I would get a full survey etc.

Not sure about the school run but the alternative is an unattractive modern box with enough garden to just squeeze in the trampoline (and this is not against modern houses more that I don't like what I can afford!).

Can afford the house and work in principal but don't want to spend more than necessary as this money was due to fund the kids through college and me through retirement!

Oh and the house I'm renting costs a fortune plus we lived here together so want out. I want a fresh start but being faced with making the decision I now feel paralysed.

Secrets - when I viewed the first flat I was going to rent on my own, I thought it had fluffy carpets. When I moved in, I realised it was underlay.

When I viewed our house, which I dearly love, the thing I most remembered about it was the sheila maid (ceiling hung clothes airer). When we moved in, I noticed the smell of damp and the slugs!

Have no experience of agas but apparently you can grill on them (friend has one). However, recall that she has a regular oven too. Not sure that having aga on in the summer for cooking and hot water would be that great (assuming we ever have a proper summer again?)

It's a massive decision to buy a house, you're right to be cautious. Sounds like when it comes to the crunch, you know you can trust your judgement. Does sound hard not having r/l person to bounce ideas off - can you invite someone to stay so they can do a couple of viewings with you? Sounds like a perfect w/e to me, property porn and only called on to express an opinion...

secrets I was going to suggest the same thing as bosch, invite someone to come and stay and take them round the house to have a look and then you can discuss it afterwards.

I have always asked family members to look at houses I have bought (or the particulars if they couldnt see it in person).

It is big purchase and even more important to get right once you have DCs so take your time...

i would keep looking- if it has been on market since 2008 it is probably over-priced and is unlikely to suddenly sell. I am sure more stuff will come on the market over the next month or so as Spring is nearly here. Sounds like you are in a good position to move quickly.

I said it so you would get a gut reaction when you read it.

Did you feel relieved or disappointed?

I have a technique you can use. I have used it when deciding between 2 properties.

1. Clear your mind - forget the house until step 4.
2. Choose 10 criteria that are important to you in a house eg. within walking distance of primary school
3. Rank these criteria in order from 1 to 10, 10 being the most important. This is the weighting you give it.
4. Mark each house you consider out of 10 in each of your criteria. Calculate its score in each criteria by multiplying it by its weighting ( eg, proximity to primary you put as your most important criteria so has weighting of 10, its half a mile walk, so score it 7, score for that criteria is then 10 x 7 = 70 )
5. Add up each criteria calculated score and find your winner.
6. If you really want to do it properly, also consider risks and benefits of each alongside.

This technique works brilliantly at taking the emotion out and making a choice between two seemingly close calls.

Agents keep telling me that they are doing lots of valuations but the only details they send me are in the wrong areas, the wrong sizes, no gardens or all three and too expensive!

I'm in a fantastic position and have been for nearly 18 months but very little coming onto the market where I live.

Part of me thinks this is a great house and hasn't sold because they over priced it to start with so it has sat around so long people are wary. It's probably still a little overpriced but not too bad.

Actually, I think the decision is probably difficult because of what it represents. It is a nice house with lots of character. It does everything I could ask of a house on my budget apart from location (and for location there would be a different compromise). It is more than a house that would do for now, it is a house that we could comfortably live in for the next 5-10 years.

But I have not made a decision this big without my H in over 21 years. And I don't really want to either but I have no choice. Actually, since the first and second viewing the emotion I have been feeling mostly about the separation is anger about what he has put us all through. I think this might well be colouring the whole process.

It would be great if I could sort myself out before I needed to house hunt but I really want to be out of here sooner rather than later and there is even very little available around here to rent!

Sorry, cross posted.

Fab - felt confused by your original post. Hoped that you could see something I couldn't. I think this is a good house but can't seem to rouse myself (but see previous post).

Taffetacat - would love to have the opportunity to do that but there are very few houses available. I have viewed another 3 which were vaguely possible but the compromises were just too great.

Hmm...if you have any doubts, keep looking.

If there is one thing I have learned over the last few years it is to trust my instincts. We sold a property 18 months ago and have been renting ever since. I really thought we would find something straight away but we have only just found and had our offer accepted on the right house this week. I have looked at so many houses you would not believe it! The few we have liked have been the wrong price or been snapped up from under our noses. It's been very frustrating, however, without doubt we are now buying the most perfect, nicest house at the best price with nicest estate agent and vendor out of the lot.

You will 'know' when you find the house that's right for you so keep faith, keep looking and don't try to force it. The right house will appear at the right time.

this is daunting on your own and even when you buy you will probably think, why on earth didn't I think of a, b or c
in the end you just have to do it, or not
it seems to have reasonable pros, you can get bogged down with practicalities when possibly a big issue is the daunting thing of having sole responsibility for family decisions
it doesn't sound like anything too drastic can go wrong her
cheeky offer?

First marketed in 2008, so on the market for 18 months and they've reduced it by £40k ?

I think you need to work out exactly what it'll cost you to put right and deduct that from the asking price, if they don't accept walk away.
My reasoning being inflation has been announced this month, the best way to control that will be to increase interest rates and then I think you'll see a lot coming to the market in the spring, lots of choice will mean downward pressure on the prices too.

Have you also considered moving back to your family ?

just read your latest post, yes that is what I was getting from your situation
I am not a great believer in house karma, personally
it's something to live in, right?
don't be daunted
perhaps it is more important in your situation to move on, with all that represents, than to hold on for a mythical Perfect Home

ninah - i think you're probably right, cheeky offer is the obvious way to go if I decide to go for this.

speckledeggy - I agree, I think that you do 'know' when the house is right. But I loved the house the first time, couldn't believe how great it was and couldn't wait to get the kids to see it. The second time I could only see the negatives and felt really flat. It wasn't that I misremembered it either. This is so not me that I now don't know what my instinct is on this. Which is pretty unnerving. I'm generally pretty good about property (having looked at a lot of houses over the years and failed to buy all but one!). I've never had such markedly different responses to the same house. I guess the obvious thing to do is arrange another viewing and see what happens then.

Actually just realised that I've only every bought one house so perhaps that's not helping. H and I looked off and on for about 7 years before we finally bought but that didn't feel as indecisive as this IYKWIM.

MillyMollyMoo - I think prices are likely to fall too which is just adding to my confusion but my rent is incredibly high so don't particularly want to stay in rented either. Makes it even more important that the house is a long-term option, imo.

Don't really want to move out of the area as children are well settled in school (has taken a veeeeery long time) but wouldn't be my first choice of location if i only had to consider me.

good idea
3rd viewing, take a critical and practical friend
keep looking meanwhile
Do hope it works out for you! I bought my house on my own after leaving exp and it was a confusing and stressful time, some of the decisions could have been better thought out, but overall it worked, and the things I didn't like I'm in the process of changing
At that time neither of my dc had started school and I could have gone literally anywhere - which is really too much choice! being restricted by location isn't all bad
I def bought at the top of the market but I needed the stability at the time

However high the rent is, thinking about stamp duty, moving costs, solicitors fees, estate agents fees, moving twice once you've bought will be more.

We should never have bought the house we're in but in truth I was sick of looking, if we'd paid £30k less for it I'd be able to live with the decision but the fact that we paid the asking price and it's a bloody DIY disaster really grates at times.

ninah - cross-posted again! Yes I think you're probably right. I don't think I'm holding out for a perfect home because I don't believe it exists at my budget. I think this one is a pretty good fit I just can't seem to summon up the energy to do anything about it. Getting myself in a complete tiz over it which is also not like me.

If I was feeling more my usual fatalistic self, I would put in a cheeky offer and see what happened. If it's meant to it'll happen, if it's not it won't. Assuming we could agree a price, I'd get a really good survey done. Get a builder in to cost up the work and reduce offer further in necessary. Get basic remedial work (maybe even decorating) done while still renting and move over May half term. Must admit that sounds like a pretty good plan to me.

Okay, what I'm going to do is something that I find helps when I've been indecisive in the past (though usually about trivial things!). Make the decision absolutely, then live with it for 24 to 48 hours without thinking about it (there's no need as the decision has been made). So, I've made the decision to proceed on the house. I have a lovely day out planned tomorrow which will be a good distraction. On Sunday I will see how that feels.

Many thanks for all your help. I'll try to post on Sunday and let you know where I've got to.

Secret, I know what you mean. We looked at a house we both loved the first time. Second viewing, DH was still in love but I felt totally different about it for some reason. I couldn't put my finger on it, it just wasn't right.

Don't rush to make a decision. There may be a reason you felt like you did the second time you viewed it. Hang back and see what happens. Who knows, it may be the right house. If you wait a while they may reduce the price, another brilliant house may come on the market, etc.

I had lots of ups and downs. When I relaxed and started to rely on karma and 'hocus pocus' everything fell into place easily. Don't labour, just keep the faith you will make the right decision.

good for you, and good luck
once you have made the decision, whatever house you decide, it will feel bloody marvellous to have your own front door again I can guarantee you, however unsure you may feel about that now
have a good weekend

Ooh, a Speckledeggy good luck too!

Let us know how you get on.

x

secrets - there is a website where you can look at to see what other properties have sold for in that area.

think it is houseprice. co .uk

or similar, hope that helps too.

If you dont know the location very well why not drive around at different times of the day and evening to get a feel for it. Also ask people at school/work about it.

Work out what you are prepared to pay for it,offer it as a 'final and only offer' and if rejected walk away. Chances are it may still be on the market in a few months time and they will be begging you to buy it!

Houses are always a compromise, if there's not much on the market your choices are limited.

With time and patience you can make the house beautiful - just think of all the miraculous tranformations on the home programmes! If it has the space you need, without needing to extend then it sounds like a good bet.

We ended up buying something small and sleeping in the living room for six months while our bedroom was built. It was worth it.
I'm an annaly retentive tidy Libran and coped with the mess. It's amazing what you can put up with.