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Original poster

Could this be lovely ?

54 replies

Sorrento · 03/05/2009 18:27

And do you think there's enough room for a MIL and DH and I and 4 DC's ?

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-17664350.html?backToListURL=%2Fuser%2Fshortlist.html% 3Ftype%3DBUYING%26index%3D30

OP posts:
lalalonglegs · 03/05/2009 20:56

There is a floorplan if you click on the brochure. I think you would struggle to divide it up satisfactorily to get separate accommodation for MIL.

Heated · 03/05/2009 20:57

I see what you mean about the price - anything else with the potential space is about 20k more than the house you linked, although they may well take a cheeky offer. Can you afford to go up at all to get the house you need given you might have to make alterations to make another house work? All these are in a 5mile radius but I have no idea of desirability location wise.

no 1

no 2 - poss space behind & over garage

lots of ground floor space

compromises would have to be made but has self-contained appt

6 bed plus basement

PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 03/05/2009 21:01

what about this? fabulous secondary schools

Original poster
Sorrento · 03/05/2009 21:01

The area is the reason for the price ladies, it's not somewhere the girls will ever be allowed to walk at night.

Lala Stratford is out of the question now, too complicated.

I think she probably does have to move in otherwise I shall be running around like a blue arsed fly when she gets very old, she's currently in Chester a good 17 miles away but handy for everything and flats in the area that she could still be independent ie Heswall are way out of her range.

Fruitbeard, you can do better for your money than that one, we've viewed it, it's very small. But I do like the idea of putting her in the garage alongside the lawnmower

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PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 03/05/2009 21:03

west kirby great sorrento

the compromise there is garden

lalalonglegs · 03/05/2009 21:06

Sorrento - forgive me for saying this but given that you don't seem to have the happiest relationship with your MIL and given that you sometimes come across on MN as a teeny bit abrasive, do you really think her moving in with you is the best plan? Has she any other children apart from your husband whom she can live with/near? Could you perhaps consider getting a smaller house for your family and using some of the money saved to provide her with flat in sheltered accommodation in an area she would like? I'm sorry, but it does seem a recipe for disaster moving in together.

Original poster
Sorrento · 03/05/2009 21:15

She described my DH as an albatross around her neck when she found out her husband was leaving her 35 years ago, I freely admit I cannot stand the woman but she's 69 and cannot stay where she is (city centre flat, the noise is driving her nuts).
She also buggered off to Wiltshire when he was 16 leaving him alone with his grandfather and then off to Spain whilst he was at Uni without so much as a cheerio
I on the other hand am very happy where we are and spent a long time looking for this house and making it our own.
I'm trying to make the best of it. It's quite depressing.

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lalalonglegs · 03/05/2009 21:17

It does sound as if you have noble intentions but can you honestly see it working? 69 isn't that old anyway - I think it would be miles better for everyone to look at a retirement complex.

CarGirl · 03/05/2009 21:20

She could be with you for 20 or so years I really wouldn't do it. She'll be moaning about your dc's noise driving her mad.

Original poster
Sorrento · 03/05/2009 21:21

She's in a retirement complex now and hates it, it is right in the centre of chester though and the drunk students pass her window at 2/3/4am singing and shouting.
My plan was to be out a lot truthfully I do need the annex if it's going to work at all but I don't think we can afford it without massively compromising on the space my family would be left with.
And unfortunately we could do with her financial contribution as we had our house valued this week and it wasn't pretty.
Never mind what will be will be.

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Original poster
Sorrento · 03/05/2009 21:24

Cargirl that's my biggest fear, she's a PITA with all her marbles I just don't know what she'd be like without them.
Am just concerned as to what happens if we leave her in the retirement complex, I'm damned if I'm going to support her financially when she runs out of money, and she will.
They charge the resident's relentlessly for repairs, on going service charges, ground rent etc etc.

OP posts:
Heated · 03/05/2009 21:26

So you could have 15 yrs in each other's company? Blimey! Could be a very expensive mistake and living in one house is a strain on family & marriage, even for families who do all get on.

Jmo, but converted garage/livery block at end of long garden or a retirement flat might be the way to go.

CarGirl · 03/05/2009 21:27

When she runs out of money how exactly is that your problem? Sounds like she needs to move into rented.

Heated · 03/05/2009 21:28

Sorry, thread galloped past me as I typed.

Can you spend 15 yrs looking for the ideal house?

Original poster
Sorrento · 03/05/2009 21:35

I like your style Heated
And yes cargirl I take your point but I'd imagine the bills would land in our lap or she'd be out on her ear.
Rented would be a wonderful idea, she won't hear of it grrr
I am tempted to tell her to sort herself out but then I think she's an old woman and he is all she has in the world, can I live with myself

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CarGirl · 03/05/2009 21:39

I really think having read what your MIL has done in the past you are on a hiding to nothing what ever you do. She needs to be responsible for herself, she is not old and failing yet she is being irresponsible (as always) and relying on your dh to fix it.

If she can't pay her bills she will have to sell up and rent won't she?

If you move in together it could be the end of your marriage and blow your family apart because of what she is like.

fruitbeard · 03/05/2009 22:16

Ta for the tip on the Thingwall house...

I would hesitate to take her on, tbh - my friend's parents had his mother (her GM) to live with them at about the same age - she spent the next 20 years being a miserable, savage-tongued cow causing great difficulties in their marriage... and she was in an annexe - didn't stop her beetling through at every opportunity though to cause trouble (I met her once at a family party, a complete stranger to her yet the next morning when we were saying our goodbyes to friend's parents she appeared and loudly upbraided me as a 'hussy' because I'd been dancing all night with DH (who was then DBf) - poisonous old bag!).

Seriously, if you have doubts, don't let guilt make you think you have to do this. She buggered off on your DH, he owes her nothing. Let her suffer the drunks...

Mulanmum1 · 04/05/2009 08:25

Sorrento - don't be a martyr. MIL can't live with you and mess up your family the way she messed up her own. Don't do it.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 04/05/2009 09:22

My MIL did the buggering off abroad thing when DH was 16. There is no way on earth she would have ended up living with us, as far as I'm concerned she had forfeited the right to that kind of support with the way she treated DH over the years.

If you move in with her you are going to spend the next goodness knows how many years quietly seething about her treatment of your DH on a daily basis (or maybe you are a kinder person than I am and won't !)

I think you are being very noble considering this but it would be much better for everyone if you can find a solution where she lives seperately, even if the solution isn't obvious and takes time to find.

ouchitreallyhurts · 04/05/2009 09:23

Sorrento - its a gorgeous house but..as someone who's own mum lives with her, please take it from me that having your own space as a young family is so important. If you are adamant about living with MIL do find somewhere that has an annexe - ground floor with its own front door if you can!

my mum has MS and has lots of mental health issues too (confusion/alzheimers and depression) and we are now moving to a victorian farmhouse with accomodation for mum downstairs as her being 'self contained' in an annexe was no longer safe due to her trying to burn the house down (aka boil an egg) or poison herself (ie. mixing bleach with other noxious stuff) so its down to me (only child!!) to look after her more. I'm no martyr but its just how it has to be (in my circumstances)

From what you've said MIL has been a total cow and you deserve happiness and to enjoy your family - do think carefully.

that house is gorgeous though...

ouchitreallyhurts · 04/05/2009 09:24

meant to add - I also have 4 dc's so its not easy to find a perfect house to accomodate extended family - took us over 2 years

lalalonglegs · 04/05/2009 10:27

Stay put and find her a retirement flat in a quieter location or even the other end of the current one - away from the high street noise. If she fritters away her money, she will have to sort it out.

PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 04/05/2009 21:27

WynkenBlynkenandNod re your mil

my own mother (i was 14) and dps (15) both did great disappearing acts....

need not bother coming back afaik

WantingToMove · 04/05/2009 21:54

Find your own house & look for somewhere for your MIL to rent nearby. If you don't have the space for her then she can't move in can she! Sorry that you are in this situation but you really need to live your own life & not have your MIL butting in at every opportunity.

Original poster
Sorrento · 04/05/2009 23:13

I think you're right I shall suggest moving within the block she's currently in as it does tick all her boxes so to speak.
Financially she's ok, not in the poor house yet she just worries herself that if she gets ill all her savings go towards her care not to DH but I guess that's just how it is these days, he's not bothered. I'd quite like her cash but not at the expense of my family life and I can imagine she'd be awful to the children as teenagers.
Thank you for talking sense into me

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