moving to a "better" area/house when your heart is not in it..

[vannah]

Has anyone made a heartbreaking move? From an area that they loved, (in our case one that we cant afford anymore) to one that is better 'value for money' amongst other things, and better for the children overall - but leaves you feeling thoroughly depressed?

We are having to have to leave our very happy life because we have outgrown our squashy flat now with 2 kids, to an area that we know would be better - huge house for same amount of money, very good school, lovely children, a garden finally etc.

I just feel so sad about it all.
And by the way, do children adapt quickly? Our very bright 3 yr old is adament he is not moving anywhere, he loves his nursery here and our flat...

any advice appreciated
thanks

Yes - moved 6 years ago from lovely flat in a part of Islington that we really loved, to area in SW London where we could afford a house for the same money and which has the good schools and green space etc. I love it now but found it a bit depressing and suburban at first; it has taken another local house move to an area which has more in common with our old area to feel really settled. The non-negotiables took a while to sink in - for me it's being near the tube and in walking distance of shiny shops and cinemas and decent book shops. I think if you know what those are for you you'll be OK. Still get a pang when we visit old friends in Islington but I love where we are too. Kids adapt extremely quickly, especially at such a young age, so I wouldn't worry about that.

many thanks barbarapym, mine are similar - decent shops and a less suburbian feel. But I cringe when I admit the one thing Im devastated to leave is my local gym -its a big part of my life, I have a great feeling there and good relations with everyone there that Ive never experienced at any other gym and Im afraid feeling fit/healthy are really key to my happiness too...
There arent any gyms nearby - about a 10 min drive away is the nearest...

That sounds a real shame. Exercise is such a good thing, and I can see why it's key to feeling happy. At least you know it's really important to you so you can prioritise finding a new one. I think a lot of people (including me) have a 10 minute drive to a gym, which makes it more of an effort to go, but then I suppose with small children you have to be more organised about it anyway.

I honestly think a garden and more space will mean that your child doesn't hanker for his old home for too long. It is difficult to move when you are settled in an area but you would probably end up resenting it if you were stuck in an overcrowded flat for the foreseeable... We moved (the opposite way to flat in nicer area from house with huge garden in, ahem, less salubrious neighbourhood) when my daughter was two and although I still miss her fantastic childminder, we have built up a new network of people and places to visit - I think it is quite easy if you have children to break the ice for you.

thankyou both. I agree the children will break the ice i just have to convince myself...

vannah, we're currently contemplating moving as we're in almost the same circs as you. We live in the most fabulous area, but our two bed flat is tiny and we desperately need space. I will miss having the most amazing shops on my doorstep, two big commons, great pub transport, 30 mins to work etc etc, but yesterday when it was chucking it down we had to go to a shopping centre to give ds some running space as I think we'd have killed each other being squashed in that tiny flat all day.

Try and think of the negatives you're moving away from and the positives you're moving too. Of course, I'll bawl my eyes out leaving my flat, it was my first property, I've been there 13 years but I so can't wait to be able to get away from the sound of constant sport on the tv (one of our main criteria was having another room for dh to watch sport and play his silly computer games)

thats really sweet and made me laugh headfairy...with some tears welling up in my eyes of course! thankyou

We did very similar 3 years ago. We left Barnes in SW which I loved to move to South East London, close to my parents. We bought a much bigger house with a lovely garden and I have parental support and half the commute.

I was really sad for a long time because I felt like I'd left behind the place I'd felt most at home. But now DD is older and I have made friends with other parents and know our neighbours, I suddenly realise I don't really miss Barnes anymore. It took a long time but I got there in the end.

you're welcome. I've been mentally decorating the lovely big Victorian house we've got our eye on, and I'm itching to get my hands on a garden too, so that does help. Will miss being able to saunter down the road to Waitrose or Kiehls, or just popping in to Ghost or SpaceNK (not that I can afford anything in there, but they are both in my road too) and I can do all my Christmas shopping in my road, but when I do get down like that I go back to mentally decorating. Works a treat.

I lived in a lovely flat by the shops etc but no garden and moved out to get a bigger place with garden etc but after 2 yrs moved back! You can never predict until you are living there but I do agree kids really aren't bothered

Kids adjust much quicker than we do I think.
My heart is in Warwickshire and nothing I do seems to overcome that, however the practicalities are that I have to live else where for now.
But this time is not forever and I plan to move back into a nice little 3 bedroomed place once the children are at University, unless I've finally settled by then

I feel the same as noddyholder and others we'll be moving back later this year after 1.5 years in bigger place, garden etc!

When we moved here I thought I would love it here but i didn't, location is so so key and in London that extra mile or 2 makes such a huge difference!

After much soul searching despite the money we've spent (so much guilt, regret etc) I can't see myself every settling here so rather than prolong our anguish and pretend we are happy here dh has agreed that we're moving.

We'll be down sizing but as long as we're together and happy then that is key.

I agree lovetolove,unfortunately my DH doesn't agree with me.

We moved 2.5 yrs ago,away from family and friends to a bigger house.

its a lovely house,but i miss my friends,and being close to family.We have moved very close to DH's parents,not that they visit/invite us over anymore frequently!

Very much regret the move.Found it hard to make friends,see more of my old friends and travel back.

DS is 13 yrs old though so moving him again would be too hard on him.

By the time its ok to move again when he has left school,I shall probably feel the same way with DD's!

The children usually adapt very quickly IME,the schools are great,and so's the house but if your heart isn't in it,it probably never will be IMO.

Sorry to hear that sawyer makes sense for you to stay put for your ds, i hope you can find peace with your home in time.

We will be applying for schools for our dc1 from november this year for 2010 entry so thought it best to do the move back this year rather than do the upheaval later on.

We have a lovely space to live in but the location is just not for us, give me a local park and small walled garden/patio in our old area anyday over our big sw facing garden!

I have to agree, we had a tiny court yard garden, 0 maintenance I now haven't seen DH all day because he's trimming bushes and sweeping leaves

We didn't beed to change ds school luckily.We bought a nore suburban house cheaper big garden views etc but I hankered after the old area.So moved back to a smaller flat.location is v important

thankyou again for these replies..very useful to hear all of this. Reading and thinking it all through very hard in the next few days...

I guess if everything else is right,you may be surprised,that in a year you may be telling another story....that you never thought you'd settle,but now you love it!