Taking a friend in as a lodger - what should we be thinking about?

[Portofino]

We moved earlier in the year to a (rented)house that is much too big for us, but in a great location and brand new. The top floor (2 rooms)is currently set up as a guest room but is mostly empty as we just didn't have the furniture.

We have a friend (male) who stays over reasonably often and has "joked" in the past about moving in as it's so comfy and convenient for work. Today he mentioned to DH that this might seriously be a good idea as his landlord wants to put up the rent, and as he travels abroad nearly everyweek he doesn't spend much time in his flat.

So DH asks me what I think.....On the surface I think this could be good. The money would certainly come in handy. The space is pretty much unused. As we're expats it's nice to see another friendly English face. Plus dd loves him so we might be able to wangle the odd trip to the pictures etc without paying a babysitter. (He has offered btw).

But I'm conscious there will be some downsides to this. No leaving the bedroom door open and sleeping naked springs to mind. It will be odd having another person in the house a lot of the time. Will the TV get monopolised by Top Gear and I'll have an extra "child" to look after:?

Has anyone done this? What sort of things should we be considering before we decide on this? Ground rules?

We did this last year. Initially for 3 months, he stayed for a year. SUPER-house trained guy, tidier than us, did his share of cooking, always called before coming home to see if we needed last minute shopping. He was also away a lot, which i think was crucial to it working - we did all get a bit antsy if he was around for a whole fortnight without a break.
Might be worth him having his own tv upstairs, because sharing kitchen and living space, and negotiating over it can be tricky.
I think having friends living in can be fantastic - but you do need all to work at it!

I would make sure he had his own tv, computer etc in his room

Also preferably his own little kitchenette facility - he has two rooms? therefore kettle, microwave and own fridge etc

Also I would have a rule about how much time he is allowed to spend in your lounge etc.
Plus a rule about whether or not allowed in childrens bedrooms etc

If you get on I would probably say go for it

Thanks for the advice...

As he would be moving from a flat I think he has a lot of stuff = TV/Kettle/Furniture etc The 2 rooms are huge so plenty of room for him to have a living room/kitchenette and a bedroom. No bath/toilet up there unfortunately. He'd obviously get use of the washer/drier etc

He's the kind of guy who would offer to help out with cooking etc - in fact he does that when he comes round now. And brings us round a pie when he's been to the british store.

The extra money would mean I would definitely get a cleaner, so everyone would benefit from this.

What about a fair amount to charge? There are currently me and DH/DD. Another adult in the house will increase the bills slightly. Should I add up the cost of rent/bills/cleaning/provisions etc and charge him 1 quarter? Or a bit more than that? Should we let him make us an offer first?

If you're renting your house then sub letting could be a problem with the contract you have. Woulds say check this out - also house insurance, safety considerations. If your landlord/landlady came round you'd have some explaining to do if you'd rented a room to someone else.

We rent from a company. I think we would need permission but i don't imagine it being a big problem.

If it's a letting company that manages the house for the owner then the owner will have to be informed & they might think that they could be making more cash from letting like this iyswim. It just depends. If it's a house owned by a company then I'd check out you're covered & couldn't be asked to leave for breech of contract by having someone who doesn't qualify for the housing living there & paying you.

Hopefully though it will not be complicated & you'll have some extra cash!

what about his guests if he has them over? It is only reasonable that he can have some of his friends round now and again and not really your position to tell him who he can and can?t have over. In your shoes I would want to know what his expectations regarding your home as his entertaining location might be. If you have a little one to think about, how would you handle a night where he possibly comes back from a night out, maybe worse for wear, and he invites a couple of mates back? I think it is the difficult to predict. spur of the moment situations that are hard to thrash out and agree on. If he is going to live in your home, that balance between his social needs and respecting your family lifestyle could be tricky.
Has he got a partner? what if he meets someone? how would you feel about waking up on a Sunday morning to find a strange man/woman padding around your kitchen after an impromptu "sleepover" - more to the point, how happy would your DD feel if she had other adults in her home?
It is not just this guy you are inviting into your home, it is all his baggage, friends, lifestyle, ups and downs, relationships etc etc

Not trying to put you off, just trying to give another angle to consider

I am not sure his arrival is relevant for your landlord as he is someone you know - conceivable he could be a brother living with you and you wouldn't have to alert them? But I guess it depends where you are.

On costs though, I think you need to remember that while you will enjoy the extra money, you are doing him the favour by renting him some rooms in your house, giving up your privacy etc. And also remember that you're okay without him. So don't overcharge or take the p* obviously, but I don't think you have to treat it like a houseshare where you're all trying to get the cheapest deal.

Second all the statements about agreeing what is your family only time and what is open time. You're a family unit and having someone else there all the time will change the dynamic.

I've done this twice. It definitely ISN'T a houseshare.

It's your home and as others have said, overall you7 are dojung them a favour.

Both lodgers were good friends who get on well with DH & I and dds. It's been great.

Would you be okay with him having people over to stay?

Hhhmmm...difficult. My first lodger had a boyfriend for a bit and he stayed over sometimes. My current one moved in because she split up with her boyfriend.
I think i'd be fine if it was a regular partner. Not so much for moral reasons as just to ensure that only people we get to know a bit come in to the house.

Our current lodger once had some friends over when we were asway (with our permisssion).

But as a rule I woudn't encourage it.

I would be OK with him having people to stay I think - like a girlfriend, or friends/family from the UK. As long as it is not ALL the time. I think everyone's right that these things need to be agreed in advance.

I certainly wouldn't want to wake up to find complete strangers in the kitchen/loo. Which makes me think I should maybe invest in a new dressing gown.....

Dd is quite flexible and used to us having visitors. She does like attention and a new audience always goes down well.

Definitely given me some things to think about.....

We're not given to screaming rows and hot sex on the sofa - well not all the time anyway... but I guess you have to save these things up for when they're not there.....

This could give some useful pointers on what to consider when getting an agreement together england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/advice_topics/renting_and_leasehold/sharing_and_subletting

Thanks for the link cupsoftea! That's really useful. MF, is your husband still friends with the guy? I'm not sure how I'd cope with the sound of noisy shagging! I'd probably be .