Storm - Neighbour's fence panel just collapsed into my garden...

[Greenseawitch]

I live in a terraced house.

I noticed a couple of weeks ago that one of the panels in my neighbour's fence was coming loose.

The elderly owner is in a care home and the house is for sale so I informed her son who said he would look into it during his visit to the house.

The panel has now collapsed into my garden because of the strong winds, causing damage to plant pots, plants and a garden lantern.

My deeds state that I am only responsible for the fence on the right side of my garden so this repair (on the left) is my neighbour's responsibility.

I have texted them and will take pictures of the damage tomorrow.

Frankly I am angry that they just let this happen although I had warned them of the problem but hope it can be resolved amicably.

Can anyone give me some advice on the right steps to take/ the best approach?

I live alone and don't have the strength to lift the fence back I think but should I try to push it back in their garden once I have taken pictures? what can I do if they are slow in repairing this?

Work what out?

If you have a broken fence panel and two storms coming and pots you can’t move, you need to get someone else to move them.

Not everyone has ‘someone’. HTH.

I was not suggesting the OP fixes it, just that it is a relatively quick job.

You have to build relationships so you have got someone or employ someone. You can’t just let life happen to you.

You have no idea of OPs circumstances or how other people’s lives play out, so try having some empathy rather than judgement.

I know she was going to push the panel back into her neighbours garden which seems like a good idea and I know what it’s like to have to build a network when you have no family around you. Not that the OP has said she has no friends of family, that’s just something that you are bandying around.

If you have a home then a part of looking after it is ‘batten the hatches’ when two storms are forecast.

You can work out from her posts that she doesn’t readily have someone to help her if you read them rather than just trying to find reasons to make it her fault that the neighbours fence blew over.

I think you are focusing on blaming someone for storm damage instead of accepting the weather is atrocious everywhere.

No you can’t, she has not implied even a little bit that she is helpless or friendless or lonely. People can be disabled and not be social outcasts with no people in their lives.

Some disabled people can even push fence panels back into neighbours gardens like the OP.

She said she’s disabled and lives alone so can’t do anything about it - clearly suggests she’s disabled and alone and can’t do anything about it. She also said she felt like she should try to shove it, but that she wouldn’t be able to. So if her clarifying with word ‘impossible’ suggests to you that she can of course move the fence panel then there’s not much point in us discussing this further.

Options are 1) fix it yourself ( you can pick the install option where the place you buy the fence panel from fits it) and then just drop the neighbour a note hoping his parent is ok and explaining how much it cost or 2) ask that he replaces the panel at his earliest convenience and wish his parent well. Anything else is not really appropriate. Storms happen.

I’m just grateful I’m not your neighbour. You know the owner is in a care home, any decent person would get a hammer and a few nails and fix it for them. Unbelievable attitude!

Could you have sorted the fence from your side when you noticed it comming away a couple of nails might have sorted it before it blew down and damaged your property.

No there isn’t any point.

You said it was clear from her posts that she had nobody to help her, which it isn’t. Presumably you have just decided that because she’s disabled, she couldn’t possibly have a life. She must be a friendless loser with no family.

All this vitriol from you seems to have stemmed from me saying that the OP shouldn’t expect the son of the neighbour to move a panel from the OPs garden in the middle of a storm in the dark when he doesn’t even live there.

The vitriol is from you keep banging on saying stuff that I haven’t said about disabled people. And blaming her for ‘letting life happen’ rather than having someone to help her. And I didn’t say she certainly didn’t have anyone, I said it was clear she might not, because not everyone does and she stated twice that she’s alone.

And no, it wasn’t from you saying she shouldn’t expect him to move it in a storm, it was originally from you saying he’d wonder why she didn’t move the pots herself… and I said it’s clear why she’s not moved it herself. You can add in shit that I haven’t said all you want, Op can read both our posts and our intensions in them for herself.

Respectfully, you need to chill out. It's a fence panel, there are high winds, these things happen. People have lives, they can't always attend to little things like this as a matter of urgency. How unkind of you to be angry and have such a lack of empathy/understanding that this is a man who is probably juggling his own life/family/work along with visiting his mum in a care home and taking care of her affairs as well as his own, trying to sell the property etc. The man probably has a lot on his plate, it's one fence panel, it has caused a little bit of damage. That's life, accidents happen. Just be thankful that you have so much time on your hands that you can spend so much time wringing your hands over this.

"Respectfully, you need to chill out. It's a fence panel, there are high winds, these things happen. People have lives, they can't always attend to little things like this as a matter of urgency. How unkind of you to be angry"

This.

The owner of the property is in a care home. They will not be able to do anything, regardless of what the deeds say

The son has a lot on his plate with his job, possibly his own family, and caring for his mum. Fixing a damaged fence will be way down his list of priorities.

Ultimately he isn't liable or responsible for this repair and if you express your anger and resentment he may decide to do nothing at all.

A broken fence panel is neither here nor there for most buyers so it could stay that way a long time.

If OP wants it fixed quickly a friend or acquaintance could do it or a handyman could be hired.

You could pursue a frail old woman for this via small claims court but is it worth it?

Don't be so nice in your replies to these people who are messaging you. If you give an inch then nasty unreasonable people will take a mile. I'd block them. I hope you get it all wrapped up soon.

Has it become a sad place or do you just say this because nobody agrees with your shitty attitude

I am disagreeing with most replies but I suggest contacting your house insurance and asking them to deal with it all.

I know it is not easy looking after a perent's house as I did it when my mother went into care but the son has taken this on so should have responded about the fence.

We had the same problem 2 years ago and our neighbour was in hospital. We just paid for the fence to be fixed. We have 2 small dogs and needed to keep them safe and secure.

Give them a chance. You are not the only person here. They have more on their plate

I suspect the reason you got a negative response is because you didn't outline your constraints like being disabled before the responses came in. It was highly relevant to the situation.

We have a constant barrage of moans from our neighbours about our fence. They tell us when they have concerns that it might be weakening, and we get regular updates on whether they think it is safe. Its as if they have nothing else to think about, and to be honest I think that is the truth.

Like many people these days, my husband and I are both incredibly busy with senior professional management roles. That is not a brag, it's a real world constraint on the number of hours we have spare.

In comparison, my neighbours are literally sat at home in the house all day with nothing to do. The guy is in his 50s, over 6 foot tall and extremely strong. He has something which makes him unable to work and my guess is a combination of high need autism and other mental health conditions. We know schizophrenia is one. His mum is elderly but sprightly. I think in all honesty they get bored, and small things preoccupy their thoughts because there isn't much else going on.

We make huge efforts to get along, and also to look after our vulnerable neighbours, but there are boundaries. Sometimes they expect things to be done in their timescales, which are based on their very slow lives. In our lives, the amount of spare time is minuscule. If you look at spare thinking/doing time, we probably have about 1% of what they have. As well as the fence observations, they expect us to prune and collect clippings of any plants that grow over the fence or drop leaves. At times this constant barrage of requests has felt like harassment. I don't think its intentional.

All I'm saying is that whilst concerns and requests like this feel entirely legitimate when they feature high on your list of priorities, you have to allow for the possibility that they are not as high on someone else's list. There is no objective right/wrong, just a balance of compromises that enable you to get along.

You said people could work out from her posts that she doesn’t have anyone. You can’t, she didn’t say that and she didn’t say anything that slightly suggested it.

It is you who I am ‘blaming’ for letting life happen to them as it’s you who said ‘not everyone has someone. HTH’.

Ffs just go out there and move the damn thing. And move your ruddy pots while you’re at ir