Should I stay or should I go now (if I stay it will be trouble, if I go it may be double?)

[TirednessOnToast]

Complicated (please bear with me)

I am a Carer for my Ds so receive Carers allowance & UC as my total income.
(no 'benefits bashing' please - my income has been tiny for years & will remain so until, & if, my son ever leaves by which time I might be state pension age)

Have lived in current house for 20 years (mostly miserably so bad memories)
It's old, cold, busy road, not suitable for my health needs or my Ds' needs now.
I have a mortgage I'd like to pay off. I'd like a different house, better insulated & ideally with space to start a small home business & try to get off UC in time.

I have looked in a neighbouring area which is cheaper. I could buy a house there outright (but for my UC not to be reduced I'd have to have no more than 6k 'left over', more than 16K would stop it completely) It's not clear from UC if I can use any money for renovations/alterations to new house (current one can't be altered I've looked into it via local council etc) so that makes it all quite difficult.

Local agents charge 1% commission, £800 marketing, £700 Home Report (I'm in Scotland so have to pay upfront) & also a £500 fee if I 'change my mind' re selling once a buyer is found. This is a lot of money just to go on market to try.

If it worked out I could end up with a more suitable house BUT it would be more rural (not ideal for Ds independence /my ageing)

Ds (21) has some of his own savings. His Dad suggests they buy a tiny flat together (Ds savings, Dad's small mortgage, as a shared investment done legally). Ds could spend a day or two a week there in time & it would be somewhere to go if he ever could manage to move out - his 'insurance'.
I'd feel a lot happier knowing Ds had this option & it would be better than our current situation for sure. But that'd mean 2 properties would have to 'work out'?

I'm so scared to let go of what we have & take the risk of moving.
What we have is unsuitable but it feels like an expensive risk?
Now is the time to go, if ever, & 20 years is a long time to have been unhappy?

It's a very personal decision I know but any thoughts might help?

I don't know all the ins and outs, especially for Scotland, but I know how bloody terrifying and paralysing this sort of thing can be.

I would look at local charities that have a benefits advisor who might be able to see if you could put aside renovation money without being penalised.
I 'think' that you are allowed to spend money but you'd have to be able to prove that it was spent on the house with receipts etc. It would have to be reasonable spending on that specific purpose. That was how it was in England, quite a few years back anyway.

It's a big decision and stressful to move at the best of times, but I think if you have never been really happy where you are, then you really need to do something about it. You've given it long enough.
There would be the risk that your benefits would be affected or you might have a pause and then reapply when your funds had been used up, but I think it's really important to think of how you want your future to look too