Should I stay or should I go now (if I stay it will be trouble, if I go it may be double?)

[TirednessOnToast]

Complicated (please bear with me)

I am a Carer for my Ds so receive Carers allowance & UC as my total income.
(no 'benefits bashing' please - my income has been tiny for years & will remain so until, & if, my son ever leaves by which time I might be state pension age)

Have lived in current house for 20 years (mostly miserably so bad memories)
It's old, cold, busy road, not suitable for my health needs or my Ds' needs now.
I have a mortgage I'd like to pay off. I'd like a different house, better insulated & ideally with space to start a small home business & try to get off UC in time.

I have looked in a neighbouring area which is cheaper. I could buy a house there outright (but for my UC not to be reduced I'd have to have no more than 6k 'left over', more than 16K would stop it completely) It's not clear from UC if I can use any money for renovations/alterations to new house (current one can't be altered I've looked into it via local council etc) so that makes it all quite difficult.

Local agents charge 1% commission, £800 marketing, £700 Home Report (I'm in Scotland so have to pay upfront) & also a £500 fee if I 'change my mind' re selling once a buyer is found. This is a lot of money just to go on market to try.

If it worked out I could end up with a more suitable house BUT it would be more rural (not ideal for Ds independence /my ageing)

Ds (21) has some of his own savings. His Dad suggests they buy a tiny flat together (Ds savings, Dad's small mortgage, as a shared investment done legally). Ds could spend a day or two a week there in time & it would be somewhere to go if he ever could manage to move out - his 'insurance'.
I'd feel a lot happier knowing Ds had this option & it would be better than our current situation for sure. But that'd mean 2 properties would have to 'work out'?

I'm so scared to let go of what we have & take the risk of moving.
What we have is unsuitable but it feels like an expensive risk?
Now is the time to go, if ever, & 20 years is a long time to have been unhappy?

It's a very personal decision I know but any thoughts might help?

I don't know all the ins and outs, especially for Scotland, but I know how bloody terrifying and paralysing this sort of thing can be.

I would look at local charities that have a benefits advisor who might be able to see if you could put aside renovation money without being penalised.
I 'think' that you are allowed to spend money but you'd have to be able to prove that it was spent on the house with receipts etc. It would have to be reasonable spending on that specific purpose. That was how it was in England, quite a few years back anyway.

It's a big decision and stressful to move at the best of times, but I think if you have never been really happy where you are, then you really need to do something about it. You've given it long enough.
There would be the risk that your benefits would be affected or you might have a pause and then reapply when your funds had been used up, but I think it's really important to think of how you want your future to look too

@Branleuse THANK YOU so much for replying x
It does feel paralysing and pretty terrifying (I've had all the responsibility for 2x young people with additional needs - ex H left- & no support at all for 20 yrs so I think my 'inner reserves' are well and truly used up now so thought of getting this wrong seems overwhelming whereas 5 years ago I would have been fine)

I texted a friend who replied:
"£2K is actually not a lot of money for 'testing the water', particularly when other apparent choices might fail"
not quite sure what they mean (& don't want to bother them further as unwell)
I think they mean that 'staying here' might be a fail so not expensive to try but it might mean 'all your possible houses have a problem' (they do, given budget) so it is expensive to try. Not sure how another person might read it?

I can’t help with your decision …. but need to say, excellent Clash reference 😁

I don't know the ins and outs of benefits or the Scottish property market, but I'm sure there must be help to find out there. Try asking ChatGPT or AI search engines for information, they aren't always right but they are good a t crunching data. If you keep questioning the info can be drilled down to quite pertinent from vague.
Anyway if I give personal advice I would ask if you stay were you are and as things are will you be happy, and so would you be more unhappy if you move? We're looking at moving after 20+ years in a very nice house and just on that level it's scary. So I can't really suggest your decision is an easy one, but I guess if you want a chance for things to be happier than they are for you now then you have to take a very difficult risk.
Have you looked at new build, the house builders sometimes have deals where they buy your property to allow you to buy one of theirs. Now obviously it might not be a financially positive sale but it might make the purchase experience potentially a lot less stressful as it would be chain free?
I don't know if that applies, but I wish you the best in your decision and hope for the best for you. :)

Have you looked first of all to see what’s out there in terms of actual houses, rather than pricing in the new area? I’d first of all work out how easy it might be to find a house that would suit your needs, how that area might work for you in terms of transport links, support network, finances etc. I think once you have an area in mind and have a good idea of how the finances might work the answer will become clearer. I’d also have a look at the market where you are now - are houses like yours selling, reaching their advertised price. At this stage it’s a research job because if all the moving parts don’t fit together it’s a non-starter anyway.