Is this doable/worth it? Relocating, longer commute, but lower costs and working less

[GotTheBaby]

Wondering if anyone has done something similar or can offer advice. We currently have a 4 bed house worth approx. £800k with a whopping £500k still on the (very long) mortgage. It's a nice house and we are both around 15 mins from work which feels like a very nice luxury. DH is full time and I work 3.5 days (we have 3 DC under 7) and we can both work 1 or 2 days from home per week. Our jobs have a fair bit of flexibility and autonomy in terms of work patterns.

The huge mortgage is stressing me out and we have no family locally which is hard with 3 kids. Where we live is also quite urban, and v expensive and we're London commuter belt but don't actually work in London if that makes sense. We have always wanted to relocate to a specific town where we have family, lovely and semi-rural, but it's nearly 2 hours away from our jobs, so we always thought we'd need to get new jobs for this to work. We have been waiting for the right jobs to pop up but they never come at the right time, and we work in niche areas. There's not much around.

We can get a similar or slightly larger house in this other area, right next to the station, right nearby family and friends for only £600k so we'd knock £200k off the mortgage immediately. I could then afford to drop down to 0.5FTE at work for a couple of years while the kids are still small (which I could compress into 2 days) and DH could do 0.9 compressed into 4. One of my working days would be on his day off, and on the other day (where we're both working) at least one of us could work from home. So essentially I think we'd be looking at:
Me working 2 days a week, 1 in the office (DH is off) and 1 from home
DH working 4 days a week, 2 days in the office 2 hours away, 2 days from home.
Some weeks he may have scope to do his 2 office days back to back and stay overnight near work, which would mean he could make it back for kids bedtime on the second day. As they get older, we'd have the flexibility to be able to change our hours/work patterns accordingly.

Would this be worth it for the extra time off, nicer area, smaller mortgage and being nearer to family? It would also mean our youngest only needs to do 1 day of childcare a week and she is currently doing 3. In terms of travel, we have the option of direct train or driving, the time taken is about the same (but could get some work done on the train sometimes) or we have an electric car with charging points at work. Or would the travel just be too tiring and we should stick with our current set up and short commutes? Well done if you got this far!

I think if we were going three times a week between us then we’d budget for twice by (electric) car and once per train but the train is obviously a lot more. However it does mean we could work a bit. If it was getting too pricey then we’d mainly drive.

I don't think you should wait for the right jobs and right house if you want to move. If anything i was saying the opposite, to compromise on house and jobs if location is what's really important to you, which it sounds like it is. Fine if you're sure your employer is okay with you barely there. Nothing stopping you really!

Do it.

I think it’s doable. Go for it.

Hmm thanks everyone, a really mixed bag so far. Part of me thinks it’s totally doable. Part of me thinks we’d be mad!

I'd do it. The real question is can you park where you work? I would not be 100% reliant on the train as you cannot control your costs. That aside I think it's doable. I once worked with a guy who commuted from Rye in Sussex to Farnborough in Hants and another who did Romford - Reading.

We did something similar - swapped a flat with a short commute for a house with a garden and a 50 min train. Honestly the commute bothered me way less than I expected. Quality of life at both ends of the day was just incomparably better.

At 300k you've got decent options depending on direction -Hitchin/Stevenage/Bedford if commuting into London via Thameslink.
For comparing areas beyond just house prices (schools, crime, green space)I used localeiq.co.uk - pulls it all together by postcode.

Yes we can definitely park. There are electric charging points on site as well which helps.

Thanks good to know it worked for you. We are looking at a specific area but thank you for ideas!

This - are both your wfh guaranteed?
What would happen if your employers decide that they want you back in the office, worth considering

It wouldn't be worth it for me. We are more like your current situation, we live within 15 mins cycle to work and it's expensive but quality of life is best for all of us. DH and I are home by 5.30pm every evening to parent our dcs together (which is important in the older years as they need more individual support with homework, transporting to extracurriculars/sports and play dates). DH and I have dinner together every day and don't just pass like ships in the night. We can pop out to school from work/wfh to watch assemblies/help on school trips, or our own appointments. If we need to pick up due to illness one of us can be at school quickly. We travel actively to work so the commute contributes to a healthy lifestyle. Our employment situation is secure as we are close to lots of employers - it would feel precarious to be dependent on just the current terms and conditions of current employers to make everything work. Our commute is under our control, so we're never concerned about rail or traffic delays. Getting home earlier means we have time for hobbies/socialising in the evening. We feel more part of our community to have our home, work and school in the same area.

2hrs door to door 2 or 1days a week is very doable. I do 3 hours each way once a week and have done for years. You could look at jobs closer too. Do factor in the travel costs in your budgeting as UK trains are expensive.

To be honest this is kind of like our current set up. Perhaps slightly more juggling so we don’t always manage a 5.30pm dinner together but overall, we are usually home a lot together as a family which is lovely. However it’s just us most of the time, of course the kids do have friends and some play dates etc and we also have a few friends in the area but we don’t really have a proper support network to speak of. It doesn’t help that most other people near us have family and old friends nearby so there’s not the need for example for us to take turns babysitting because all our friends have family nearby who will babysit for them. Meanwhile DH and I have had two evenings out together in 7 years because reliable babysitters are extortionate around here (£15+ per hour) and two of our DC are ND and would struggle to settle for people they’re not really used to. It also feels quite lonely during things like the Xmas and summer holidays, everyone else always has plans with their extended family and old school friends etc so we are just on our own. It’s quite isolating in a weird way. I’m just really longing to live close to people who know us and love our kids and will support us.