Downsizing, what to compromise on?

[trickyex]

I sold our lovely family home last year after nearly 20 years there and am now living in a small rented terrace nearby and looking for my next place - I wasn't able to find anywhere in good time so agreed to break the chain. I am divorced, in my 50s with two sons who are both at uni. I am in a relationship for now but its very low key and we will never live together.

Having been looking at houses for the past 8 months (and having a few things fall through), I am finding it very hard to know what to look for and what to compromise on.
Our family home was a good size Victorian house with big rooms, a lovely sunny garden and off street parking, close to the city and shops etc.
The area I live in has good schools, shops and is close to the city so is very expensive.

It seems my options are to buy a much smaller place around here with a small garden/yard and deal with limited on street permit parking (which I find stressful) or move further out and get more space, parking and a nice garden but remove myself from my local community, where I have friends, can walk to the city and know the shops etc.

I am not wildy sociable but I don't like to feel cut off or isolated either. Work is self employed and a bit variable. I have no family nearby and not a huge network of friends.

Please share your experiences and thoughts.

I would go for community and close services and walkability every time. Unless you are using your car multiple times a day every day, the parking situation may just have to be the big downside you learn to live with. (Could you buy/rent a space in a garage?) But I am not a gardener - so long as I have somewhere relatively pleasant to sit out in, it wouldn't be key to my well being or anything. Perhaps if you want more, you could get involved with a community garden, volunteer, take an allotment, etc. I am at a similar life stage and circumstances to you and I think one should move towards not away from connection, community, life because the natural circumstances of your life - children away at Uni, self employment, living alone - are already going to naturally make for a certain level of aloneness and disconnection. I sometimes dream of living out in the country with a big garden, peace, etc and nearly bought accordingly 5 or 6 years ago but I knew it wouldn't be good for me in the long term. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Is there a middle ground option? I'd be reluctant to give up community and isolate yourself, but losing everything else doesn't sound great either.
We've just moved back into the city (Bristol) from outside and have gained garden and social opportunities with not much loss really. As we age (inevitable) I want things to be more accessible not less, so I think you need to take that into account.

If you name the city (appreciate you may not want to) people can look at specific areas?

Thank you both for such thoughtful replies.
I am very aware of isolating myself and a middle ground would be ideal, if I can find it. Its hard to think of myself as aging as I have always felt very young at heart and am fit and active but I know I need to be realistic.

I live in Norwich, would rather not more specific at this stage.
There are some nice areas near UEA but that is a bit of a way out of the city.

If you think the parking thing would be stressful then it will be, I found shared parking head wrecking! No help but best of luck!

Are you expecting your son's to return to live with you after uni? Do you do much gardening? If no, the I would be looking for a 2 bed house or flat in your local area. If yes, then go further out for 3 bed and more garden. Downsizing is always hard as you have to give up things, but you have a smaller budget now sadly.

Its hard to know if my sons will come back. Am sure they dont intend to but its hard to afford your own place now.
I would like to have a room each for them, we are very close and I want to make sure they always feel welcome.
I can afford a 3 bed house but it would probably have limited garden and no parking in this area.

I would also prioritise community and the ability easily to see friends. When you move further away, the tempo of friendships inevitably changes. Being able to incorporate walking into your daily life is another big advantage, for both convenience and health.

Downsizing requires adjustment but having less maintenance as you grow older is also a good thing.

It seems that the big drawback is parking. I also wonder whether you could rent a nearby garage or space, and only need your street parking (by permit) when you return alone at night?

Could you compromise on getting a south facing patio garden - that way you would have sunshine but less space?
or a top floor apartment with parking space?

I would never leave a community if I was buying alone. I am early 50s and at this point - even as a very fit person- I see the value of being close to amenities such as hospitals. maybe you could compromise on the style of house? Go for a 1950’s or 1970’s house close to where you now live? They are less desirable than Victorian houses so might be cheaper?

It seems so far that location seems the most important.
Good to get the perspectives of others in similar situations.
I will look into garage options, some of the local streets are easier for parking than others so that is another option.
I do like the sound of less maintenance, my last house needed a lot of money and time to keep things ticking over.
Buying a house solo feels quite daunting, so much to consider....

And yes a south facing patio in a modern house would be fine with me. I do need my own outdoor space.
I am not so bothered about a period house now. They cost more to buy and more to run.
And modern places tend to be lighter and warmer.

I'm a lot older than you and live alone. I bought the house I am still in when I was 28 and it was jackpot first time, although I didn't know it at the time!

Quiet cul de sac, shops walkable, docs etc. nearby and public transport on the main road two streets over.

It is 5k from the centre of the city, but like most places now things have moved on since when I first moved in, with out of town centres and PT improvement nearby and so on.

My friends are all living further out now in bigger houses for their families. Many are considering moving back to where I am when the kids have left. My biggest piece of advice is do not let the proximity of friends be a huge priority. Realistically how often do we see them, it's not every day and as long as you are connected some way by good road, or train/tram/bus and meet in the middle, it's all good.

Most important is being near things. No point in having the perfect house if you find it hard to get somewhere. I hope you find what you're looking for and wish you the best.

It is daunting, OP!

DH is older than I am so in the expected course of events I will be facing this someday. I will have similar issues to you, so I appreciate your thread.

I'm in a similar situation having recently downsized from a large family home to a two bedroom house, although my 2 DCs are older and are living independently.

I would say you are in a fortunate position in some ways as you can take your time looking for somewhere that is what you want, and you will be a preferred buyer as you don't have a house to sell.

Could you wait until your DCs have graduated? It seems crazy to buy a 3 bedroom house on the possibility that one or both might move back in. My eldest moved back for about a year while he was job hunting, but the youngest moved out into rented accommodation with friends while he was still at the local Uni and has recently bought his own place.

I thought I'd never find somewhere that ticked all my boxes but I knew as soon as I walked into it that this house was the one for me. It is daunting on your own but my two DCs helped out a lot.

We downsized the garden in our move massively and have not regretted it for a second. Our new garden is a postage stamp, but it's a sunny one and the need for endless weekends lost digging, clearing, buying plants, getting stung/bitten etc are not missed.

We could have had a smaller house (it's a big house with small garden) but the off road parking is the one thing I would not compromise on. Our neighbours are really starting to bemoan the current street parking near us as lots of houses are being split into flats/HMOs and hence lots of spaces needed but none available. Our 70 year old neighbour is having to walk half a mile at 10pm to find a space if late back.

I would absolutely compromise on garden size and off street parking to stay nearer community and amenities.

I think it is really important to be able to sit outside - but that doesn’t have to be a big space. And a smaller garden will be easier to manage as you get older.

It is really noticeable in my parents generation (approaching 80) that people very easily become socially isolated as people lose confidence or ability to drive so being closer to community is vital

I’d prioritise parking but my bias is that I have had electric cars for a decade now and can’t imagine only public charging. For me personally that’s a non negotiable.

I have cats so I’m looking for quiet and cat safe, but I don’t mind travelling to friends, shops, events as have always lived rurally and don’t find it isolating.

I could deal with fewer/smaller rooms more readily than location and parking.

I’m house hunting in a limited area post divorce and it is very hard to get excited about houses far shitter than the one you live in 🙁.

I’m just planning to downsize. We are currently in a 5-bed, 4-bath rural village. We are struggling to decide what we want. On the one hand I would like some amenities close by and on the other hand would we adjust well to living where there is likely to be noise as where we are now it is silent. We are 61 and 67 and fed up with the upkeep of the house and large garden. I’m very aware that my parents didn’t downsize and when they really couldn’t cope with their house and garden they could no longer cope with a house move either.

If your dc are at university if is highly likely they will need to return home whilst they get in their feet. I would prioritise three bedrooms in a city location. They can then visit you more easily if close to public transport . My daughter has said it is a great asset for to know that she would never be homeless as she will always have a room available to her in our house should she ever need it.

I don’t know anyone who has downsized whilst dc are at university. With the jobs market being so difficult for grads, I’d definitely go 3 beds. You might even get grandchildren! In cities, on street parking is the norm for many. It’s the sacrifice you might have to make though.

I live alone and children all now flown.

Priorities for me:

• south facing
• dedicated parking of one's own
• good community around me
• a bit of garden

I have all of these - but in the middle of nowhere so not your scene I guess. But moving out a little way might give you more options. And if you finished up in a new community I am sure you would make friends.

South facing means some of property is north facing. South facing back yard can be 40degrees these days!

Well yes I'm sure your daughter would say that and it's lovely to have but OP should in my view focus primarily on what will suit HER life, needs, etc. I really don't think parents have any obligation to keep 'just in case' bedrooms for each of their adult children indefinitely.

Friends are the most important things

smaller garden will be a blessing unless gardening is really you thing in life

as will having a smaller place to heat and maintain

downsizing is notoriously hard

Can you focus on the areas that are outside school catchments? That can make them better value. I’d be ok being a bit further out if you have decent buses/taxis/uber? So you don’t always have to think about driving and parking?

@Newgirls Everywhere is in a school catchment area. If you mean going to an area with a grotty secondary, the housing stock might be a bit ? too.