Move up north or stay down south

[Silvernutmeg70]

I'm divorced with adult children and work from home. I live in the south East. My 21 Yr old son lives in a nearby village with his dad. My daughter is at uni in Newcastle. I have a long term boyfriend but he doesn't want to get a place together with enough room for all of our 4 children to have a base. Should I move back to North Yorkshire near my elderly parents and sister who's just become a single parent? I could help them out and feel useful again which I haven't since becoming an empty nester.

If you will want to live in the SE again then I wouldn't. House prices are mad and it seems the N/S divide gets bigger every year.

Why do you want to move? Are you unhappy where you are? Are you looking for a fresh start? In which case maybe yes (though bearing in mind daughter at uni might well want to come back down south again once she graduates if that’s where she is from) I’d be reluctant to move I think until she was settled after uni (for example if she wants to work in London and needs a base til she can afford her own place etc)

If you are moving to get a size of place to live in a comparable area you couldn't afford down south then probably. But as has been said the house price divide could be a problem. If you want to move to have a 'better' life then yes, lots of North Yorks is lovely?

I'm not very happy here as there are sad memories of my marriage breakdown and my relationship isn't ideal, plus I miss family. The town in north Yorkshire where I'd want to move is actually quite expensive. I'd be moving to an older house. You ho there for the location first and foremost.

It’s a very big step to move so far away from your son. How many years has your daughter got left at uni? I woukd want to wait and see where she gets a job after uni.

My son eventually wants to move elsewhere but who knows where he and my daughter will end up.

Why? The kids could end up in Australia. OP should move to where she wants to.

The north south price divide is getting smaller so I wouldn’t let that put you off

Thats my experience. Moved North 10 years ago expecting never to be able to afford to return, but we can.

It is hard when you have children at those ages, mine are similar (DD just graduated and now living in London which she hates and wants to move from there asap, DS at Uni 3 hours away). Having remarried 6 years ago DH and I have not lived together yet as I wanted to wait until both DC had left home. What are their plans? Who knows! I cannot put my life on hold anymore and am now planning to move in with DH later this year.

My long winded point is that I think you need to do what is best for YOU at this stage and if that is moving then do it.

I'm going through divorce after 25 years, my husband owns the house and wants to sell. He moved out 2 years ago, I have lived here for 26 years with our now adult 4 sons. They all live here still and pay rent to their dad. 3 of my sons are autistic with severe anxiety. I care for them and pay bills. I am an unpaid carer on universal credit. If husband sells the house how can I afford somewhere big enough for all of us. Do we have to move? Help please.

My youngest child of 3 finishes her A levels in June and we are leaving the south east and moving to the north west. I have family around 20 mins drive away, and easy for me to move to our Liverpool office. I have been renting for years in south east, but in my new town (which is so lovely) I can afford a brand new 3 bed detached. Move in August and couldn’t be more excited.

You need to get professional advice from a solicitor.

I would disagree with the house prices between north and south being larger every year. I’m finding they’re getting closer together every year.
I would quite like to move back up to Chester
And I can’t afford to selling my house down south. The better areas are most definitely comparable but without the job opportunities.

Let’s start with the first part of that your husband does not own the house. He owns half the house and you own the other half of the house.
But you do need legal advice and the little nugget that nobody shared with me that might help you and others is that if you can’t afford a legal representation in a divorce he has to pay for you to have legal representation during the divorce.
They cannot be an unfair advantage given to the person who can afford legal representation

I think I would, OP - you say you miss your family and it sounds like a fresh start would do you good. Also, N Yorks is lovely.

How wonderful.

DH and I are in a similar situation. DC at/just finished uni. We want to move soon but don’t know where they will eventually settle and might move again to be near them, at a later stage. Since they won’t be settled in jobs/homes /relationships for quite a few years we decided to move to a house we feel we will be able to sell in say 10 years ie ok house in a popular location rather than amazing house in a less good location. Go north if you feel that’s where you’ll be happy right now. If you need to move again down the line so be it. Yes there’s stamp duty to pay but positive equity should cover that if you buy wisely.

Would you consider renting out your house down here for a while until you found your feet? Then selling once you were certain.

Do you have friends, work etc down here that you will miss?

If you are broken after your divorce and relationship failure would it be good for you to have some professional therapy to resolve any personal distress before you move because I worry that throwing yourself unboundaried into supporting your aging parents and single parent sister could be out of the frying pan and into the fire. What are your hopes and dreams? How much time have you spent single and independent - because thats
the level of emotional stability you should be aiming for.

I also wonder if you are fleeing hurt rather than making a well informed lifestyle choice - maybe it’s both.

Re your DD would she stay with her DF during holidays and when she has finished uni?

What are you thinking now OP? In your shoes I would probably move.

North Yorkshire is a really expensive part of the north You’ll be able to go back south if you wanted to. I live in a mid priced area and house prices haven’t stopped rising and houses still sell quickly.
Which part of North Yorkshire are you looking to move to? Some parts have better transport links and York is only a couple of hours from London by train.

SE to North Yorkshire might mean spending more money for the same level of property. If you are moving from the Medway to Harrogate, don’t expect any change.

I’m not actually aiming this at you, OP, because you’ve already said the town you want to move to is expensive. But I just wanted to emphasise that all of the SE isn’t expensive, and all of the North isn’t cheap.

If you are close to your family and especially if they are getting on and potentially going to need some regular help/.contact then moving close to them makes sense. Everything is more difficult when your elderly folk are far away..

^^this

OP - if you like your parents and would be happy to be ‘home’ - move. Your children are likely to disperse anyway.