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Original poster

Friend of acquaintance wants surveys

211 replies

kirinm · 22/12/2025 10:18

We were buying a house and spent about £3k on surveys - we pulled out after 6 months after being strung along with probate and there being quite major structural issues.

The house is big and in a very popular area so it’s had a lot of interest since although I understand the later sale failed too - I expect because of the surveys. It is a very obvious wreck and it was always going to be a back to brick type of place. The structural issues are harder to spot and were identified on the survey - so we ended up paying for a structural engineer and drain survey which is why they all ended up costing so much.

Anyway, acquaintance contacted me to say her friend was looking at buying it and would she mind if I spoke to her. Before I’d responded said person contacted me. I explained very briefly that it’s a house that they should do lots of surveys on and check they have the money to fix the issues that they can’t see.

Next day - can we see your survey before we make an offer. I didn’t respond as I was busy and had work events.

Next day - sorry to pester but can I see the survey asap. i assume you have no use for them now.

Cheeky or not cheeky?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 22/12/2025 13:37

Notmyreality · 22/12/2025 13:30

Exactly. I’ll sell them at 50% of the original price. .

Show quote history

Oops. Missing crucial word alert!!

(Bear in mind that they can NOT take any action against the surveyor on faults not mentioned in a 2nd hand survey).

Frogbear · 22/12/2025 13:38

kirinm · 22/12/2025 13:23

I am a bit. But I suspect she didn’t know what I’d asked or, like some on here, would be confused about why I wouldn’t share.

Show quote history

No, I wouldn’t put my friend in the situation of doing a favour for someone else without asking first. It’s not for me to impose on my friends / acquaintances.

So just because I think it’s cheeky to charge for sharing the information, I think it’s cheeky to ask strangers for favours.

I didn’t say I’m confused about why you won’t share at all (I get concerns about T&Cs, reliance, etc). I said I don’t get why you would charge for something you were never going to use again or make money from.

MamsKnit · 22/12/2025 13:43

kirinm · 22/12/2025 10:28

After feeling terribly anxious about it - I feel very awkward about disappointing anyone - I said we had paid a lot of money and if they want them I’d be happy to discuss a contribution, I did say there were 3 surveys (and explained what they were) so you’d hope that a combination of all of the surveys and the fact we didn’t buy it would be enough for her to put 2+2 together).

This is a good reaction, I think. Good for you.

CharlieEffie · 22/12/2025 13:46

Autumvibes · 22/12/2025 10:27

Why wouldn’t you?

Why would they?

Original poster
kirinm · 22/12/2025 13:56

Frogbear · 22/12/2025 13:38

No, I wouldn’t put my friend in the situation of doing a favour for someone else without asking first. It’s not for me to impose on my friends / acquaintances.

So just because I think it’s cheeky to charge for sharing the information, I think it’s cheeky to ask strangers for favours.

I didn’t say I’m confused about why you won’t share at all (I get concerns about T&Cs, reliance, etc). I said I don’t get why you would charge for something you were never going to use again or make money from.

Show quote history

I ignored her first request which I’d hoped she’d take as my answer. When she chased about the survey a friend of mine said she’d sold her survey and thought I could offer that. I basically don’t want to give her the survey. I genuinely do not think it’s valuable to her as a standalone document as it was really a precursor to further investigations. I honestly think I said enough when I told her to spend money on surveys and said this:

Friend of acquaintance wants surveys
OP posts:
Friendlygingercat · 22/12/2025 14:07

OP says that one of the survery was of the drains. Well the status of this may have changed in several months. Drains which were clear a few months ago can become blocked by tree roots or rubbish from further downstream. So this is one reason not to share.

I had problems with an NDN who kept sending plumbers around to me when HER drains became blocked. She had Dynarod flush them out every few months. Eventually I commissioned an expensive camera survey of my drains which showed they were clear and undamaged. I photocopied the findings for her but would not allow her to see the entire document because she had paid nothing towards the work. Eventually the utility company did a full camera survey of the main drain and found that her "cooking oils" were the main problem in a build up of congealed fat.

Frogbear · 22/12/2025 14:09

kirinm · 22/12/2025 13:56

I ignored her first request which I’d hoped she’d take as my answer. When she chased about the survey a friend of mine said she’d sold her survey and thought I could offer that. I basically don’t want to give her the survey. I genuinely do not think it’s valuable to her as a standalone document as it was really a precursor to further investigations. I honestly think I said enough when I told her to spend money on surveys and said this:

Show quote history

It’s entirely up to you whether you give it or not (obviously, they’re yours!).

But that’s my point - you have an idea in your head on how you want to treat them. The money makes no difference to that. To then make money in a situation where you would never have made money if this person didn’t reach out, that’s what I don’t get.

But I guess many people are just very transactional. I recently gave away concert tickets after I had to pull out last min as DC was sick. The person I gave it away to offered me some money but I refused because if the friend of a friend hadn’t stepped in, I would have never recouped my money and the ticket wouldn’t have been used. I remember there was a thread on here around the same time with similar facts and posters went on about how the ticket should be paid for. It’s not a criticism but I just don’t get that mindset, just as I’m sure you don’t get mine.

Original poster
kirinm · 22/12/2025 14:13

Frogbear · 22/12/2025 14:09

It’s entirely up to you whether you give it or not (obviously, they’re yours!).

But that’s my point - you have an idea in your head on how you want to treat them. The money makes no difference to that. To then make money in a situation where you would never have made money if this person didn’t reach out, that’s what I don’t get.

But I guess many people are just very transactional. I recently gave away concert tickets after I had to pull out last min as DC was sick. The person I gave it away to offered me some money but I refused because if the friend of a friend hadn’t stepped in, I would have never recouped my money and the ticket wouldn’t have been used. I remember there was a thread on here around the same time with similar facts and posters went on about how the ticket should be paid for. It’s not a criticism but I just don’t get that mindset, just as I’m sure you don’t get mine.

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I just don’t think I’d ever ask for someone to show me their survey tbh. It is a different mindset.

OP posts:
ComedyGuns · 22/12/2025 14:14

TheTowerAtMidnight · 22/12/2025 10:27

It's extremely cheeky. If she wants them she can pay for them!

I think it’s pragmatic rather than cheeky, and it’s your chance to make a bit of money if you offer them at a discounted rate.

LadyDanburysHat · 22/12/2025 14:15

Your 'friend' should never have given out your number without checking with you first. That is incredibly rude. I would have to say something to them about that.

And you are right not to share the surveys, despite what some thread do-gooders are saying.

Frogbear · 22/12/2025 14:18

kirinm · 22/12/2025 14:13

I just don’t think I’d ever ask for someone to show me their survey tbh. It is a different mindset.

Show quote history

Like I said, my comments are about asking money for them. As I said more than once, I also think it’s cheeky to ask for them at all.

Soontobe60 · 22/12/2025 14:21

I’d probably say yes because what use would I have for them? Any future buyer would still need to have a new survey completed unless they were a cash buyer. Just imagine if you were putting an offer in on house, paying 3K for surveys then found out that an acquaintance had already had them done and that seeing those surveys would have resulted in you not actually making an offer?

SoulSearchBeHonest · 22/12/2025 14:22

kirinm · 22/12/2025 10:18

We were buying a house and spent about £3k on surveys - we pulled out after 6 months after being strung along with probate and there being quite major structural issues.

The house is big and in a very popular area so it’s had a lot of interest since although I understand the later sale failed too - I expect because of the surveys. It is a very obvious wreck and it was always going to be a back to brick type of place. The structural issues are harder to spot and were identified on the survey - so we ended up paying for a structural engineer and drain survey which is why they all ended up costing so much.

Anyway, acquaintance contacted me to say her friend was looking at buying it and would she mind if I spoke to her. Before I’d responded said person contacted me. I explained very briefly that it’s a house that they should do lots of surveys on and check they have the money to fix the issues that they can’t see.

Next day - can we see your survey before we make an offer. I didn’t respond as I was busy and had work events.

Next day - sorry to pester but can I see the survey asap. i assume you have no use for them now.

Cheeky or not cheeky?

They could buy them off you for half of what you paid? A win for them and something back for you?

Otherwise no - get their own.

AngelicKaty · 22/12/2025 14:31

Soontobe60 · 22/12/2025 14:21

I’d probably say yes because what use would I have for them? Any future buyer would still need to have a new survey completed unless they were a cash buyer. Just imagine if you were putting an offer in on house, paying 3K for surveys then found out that an acquaintance had already had them done and that seeing those surveys would have resulted in you not actually making an offer?

RTFT.

  1. This woman isn't an acquaintance of OP - she's a total stranger to OP.
  2. This woman has already made an above-asking-price offer on the house.
ThreeSixtyTwo · 22/12/2025 14:40

kirinm · 22/12/2025 14:13

I just don’t think I’d ever ask for someone to show me their survey tbh. It is a different mindset.

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Why is it so unthinkable?

I wouldn't expect to get a copy of the full version with Surveyor's details to actively use (not for free/without some further agreement), but I would appreciate a chance to get a sneak peak, just to have a better idea what I'm investing into.

sueelleker · 22/12/2025 14:45

kirinm · 22/12/2025 10:18

We were buying a house and spent about £3k on surveys - we pulled out after 6 months after being strung along with probate and there being quite major structural issues.

The house is big and in a very popular area so it’s had a lot of interest since although I understand the later sale failed too - I expect because of the surveys. It is a very obvious wreck and it was always going to be a back to brick type of place. The structural issues are harder to spot and were identified on the survey - so we ended up paying for a structural engineer and drain survey which is why they all ended up costing so much.

Anyway, acquaintance contacted me to say her friend was looking at buying it and would she mind if I spoke to her. Before I’d responded said person contacted me. I explained very briefly that it’s a house that they should do lots of surveys on and check they have the money to fix the issues that they can’t see.

Next day - can we see your survey before we make an offer. I didn’t respond as I was busy and had work events.

Next day - sorry to pester but can I see the survey asap. i assume you have no use for them now.

Cheeky or not cheeky?

Blooming cheek. She's trying to get out of paying for a survey herself.

ittakes2 · 22/12/2025 14:50

I would prob say “sorry I deleted it as no use to me. This is the firm we used though -maybe they’ll give you a discount since the know the property already.”

ThreeLuckyStars · 22/12/2025 14:55

If she can’t afford the survey she can’t afford the large house that needs structural repairs

W0tnow · 22/12/2025 14:56

For the ‘be kind’ group….if you paid 3k for a financial advisor to come up with a financial/long term pension plan, and a friend of a friend (on a similar income to you and similar age) thought it would be useful because you both had the same financial circumstances and goals, would you just hand it over?

UxmalFan · 22/12/2025 14:56

Out of interest OP, how would you have responded if she'd offered say £500 for the surveys?

Goditsmemargaret · 22/12/2025 14:57

Few things annoy me more than someone offering something of mine to another person.

Did the school mum even warn you in advance she had handed out your details?

I remember a friend of mine once telling her flatmate that my house in a very popular city was 'free' as I was going to be living with my parents for a couple of months while recovering from illness. They organised between them how the flatmate could have a mini break with her partner as it was quite close to his contract role.

I was livid.

Original poster
kirinm · 22/12/2025 15:01

UxmalFan · 22/12/2025 14:56

Out of interest OP, how would you have responded if she'd offered say £500 for the surveys?

I don’t know. I knew she wouldn’t want to pay so didn’t have to think much beyond that, I’d never have shared them with her without asking the various companies involved in their production.

I really want nothing to do with it.

OP posts:
UxmalFan · 22/12/2025 15:02

W0tnow · 22/12/2025 14:56

For the ‘be kind’ group….if you paid 3k for a financial advisor to come up with a financial/long term pension plan, and a friend of a friend (on a similar income to you and similar age) thought it would be useful because you both had the same financial circumstances and goals, would you just hand it over?

Interesting question, but it's different because the financial plan would have had a lot of details about my income and savings which I wouldn't necessarily want to share. So no, I wouldn't.
On the other hand, I would have handed over the surveys because they would be no use whatsoever to me and contained no confidential information. I might have said I'd appreciate a donation towards the cost which was 3K.
Once a buyer of mine pulled out very late from a purchase, and when he sent profuse apologies via the agent, I said that if he'd like to compensate me a bit, I'd appreciate seeing the surveys he had done of my home, and he was happy to oblige. They were no use to him.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 22/12/2025 15:05

Autumvibes · 22/12/2025 10:27

Why wouldn’t you?

Because people like to be a bit cunty? I'd hand over if not prohibited by surveyor - though they're usually not allowed to be distributed

UxmalFan · 22/12/2025 15:06

kirinm · 22/12/2025 15:01

I don’t know. I knew she wouldn’t want to pay so didn’t have to think much beyond that, I’d never have shared them with her without asking the various companies involved in their production.

I really want nothing to do with it.

Show quote history

I think if you had handed them over, you'd have needed to send a covering note saying that they were taking them entirely at their own risk, and the information might be wrong or already out of date, and they would have no come-back with the surveyors if there were any issues. You wouldn't want to be held responsible for anything.