Feeling regret after house move :(

[worriedhousemover]

I recently moved from an ex-council house that had been extended downstairs, all open plan, with a big garden – an amazing property that I loved.

However, for years I’d been looking for the next move: a bigger house on a better street to raise my family. The old house had only one bathroom, the neighbours weren’t great, and my daughter was sleeping downstairs in a garage conversion because it was really only three bedrooms. She often said she felt scared sleeping there.

So, I wanted a detached house with a garage and enough rooms upstairs for all of us. When one came up for sale in the same village, within budget (though with a bigger mortgage), I went for it. On paper it was perfect – 5-bed detached – and I thought I could make it “wow”. Detached houses here are rare and at a premium; in the last 4–5 years, only three suitable ones have come up for sale in my budget.

Now we’re in, and while the family loves it, I hate it and all I see is more work. The downstairs feels tiny, and we can’t fit all our stuff in. I can’t believe we didn’t notice this after viewing twice. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat – I just want to go back to the old house. Nothing here is to my taste, which I knew and thought I could fix, but now panic is setting in. I feel like I’ve made the biggest mistake ever.
Has anyone else felt this way after moving? How did you cope? I can't speak to anyone about it as they will think I am being silly. I daren't talk to my DH about it who seems happy in the new house. I think it is me, I do struggle with big decisions, always flip flopping and procrastinating. I never have mental health issues though so this is really surprising me. I am trying to rationalise it and think its just a house.

If everyone else loves it, you need to get on board, plus you cant go back to old house.

Change is always unsettling, but you've moved for right reasons.

OP, calm down. Post-move remorse is so much a normal part of moving house that it should be regarded as an unavoidable stage, like losing the teabags and losing your mind trying to remember which box the bedclothes are in.

You moved for more upstairs space and detached so less possibility of noisy neighbours bothering you. You've got both of those things. Downstairs is smaller, yes, but that's the pay-off. Your daughter hated sleeping downstairs in the garage conversion in your old house. You may have to sell excess furniture over time, or buy some new things that fit, and you will, again over time, be able to redecorate so that it's more to your taste.

Just sit with the discomfort for now and/or moan to a friend who doesn't live there and will just be concerned with cheering you up and pointing out the good things about the new house.

I barely ate for a fortnight after we moved in here, it had been left in such filthy order that even after we hired industrial cleaners, it still feel grubby with other people's dirt. It will pass!

I am sorry you feel this way. But the fact of the matter is you need to let the old house go. You can't go back there, even if you want to. So you really need to get your head round that and make peace with it and put that old house out of your mind.

Then, I would encourage you to make some lists. What are the good things about the house? List all the positive things about it. The fact your DD feels safer in her own room, more bathrooms, the garage. And try and focus yourself on those. Then list the negatives, or the things you think you need to do to make you feel more at home there. Make a plan of what you will do and when and work through them. Little by little the house will become more like a home as you begin to put yourself into it and put your own stamp on it.

What you describe seems to be coming more common when people make a move from a house they liked. Many people will tell you they felt the same, or similar, and that it takes time to feel completely at home.

The rest of your family is happy, and love it, so you need to find a way to get there too.

I’m still not keen on mine almost 5yrs after moving in. How can I have less room in a bigger house? Constantly perplexing how much harder it is to find space to put things.

I moved because I had shit neighbours and I still have shit neighbours, just more affluent ones who have way more stuff to annoy me with.

The only way I’m not constantly annoyed is that I remind myself how awful it was living next to an alcoholic, abusive arse and that there’s a good chance if I’d stayed there I’d have taken her up on her offer of a punch up 😄

My mortgage payments are due to increase by £250 a month soon and that makes me hate the house even more. But I try to think about how nice it could be when it’s fully renovated (and we can try to sell it).

Have a search of this forum and you'll see loads of people who felt exactly the same as you. It's a big life change and your reaction is well within the range of normal. A close friend had exactly the same recently and she was so anxious but now she's settled in she's fine again. You will learn to live with the less good aspects just like you managed in your old house with a downstairs bedroom.

I would suggest to talk to your husband or close friend as bottling up these feelings really isn't good. I hope you feel better soon.

Really feel for you. Been there! It’s very hard moving. Everything is so unfamiliar. You need to remember the reasons why you moved. Take care and don’t beat yourself up.

but now panic is setting in
OP, I hear you, but don't despair.
If one of your DC hated their school you'd tell them to give it a chance and ride it out for a little bit as it might not be as bad as they think...
And that's what you have to say to yourself.
Moving in the autumn / winter is probably the hardest time as you don't get all that lovely sunshine - just dark days, wind and rain.
Places don't look as good.
I am about to move house in five weeks to a place 400 miles away after 23 years. Like you it's going to be a bit of a challenge. But they say Location, Location,, Location for a reason.

Work on the “wow”.

what needs to be done to make it your taste?
what need to be done for you to feel the “wow” you thought you could create when you viewed it?
make see lists an work through them bit by bit.